My eyes follow her as she exits and slams the door shut behind her. I hope she takes a minute to put her shirt on before she gets too far. Unless she's trying to attract attention. Walking around like she is now will certainly do that for her.

"Way to scare her off, Reagan." Elliot is up and hugging me in an instant. I can't tell if he's still mad or not. "What's with the hair, by the way?"

"You don't like it?" I run my fingers through my long bouncy curls. I love the color. I'm no longer a true California blond. I have "dimension" as the stylist put it.

"It's nice. Where are your glasses?" I don't miss the dismissive tone he's using with me.

Leave it to Elliot to give me the support to make a few changes and then question those same changes. "I got contacts."

"Oh." He says as if he doesn't care. I get that I interrupted something and scared away the girl, but I don't understand why he's acting as if he doesn't want me here right now. Am I an inconvenience to him? We've been planning this trip for months.

"I can go if you don't want to hang out." The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to change my mind.

"Do whatever you want."

"What the hell is your problem? You invite me up here and now you're treating me like shit."

"Where's your roommate?"

"Don't change the subject. What the hell is going on with you?" I'm yelling. I know it and I know that the rest of the dorm can probably hear me, but I don't care right now. He's going to explain his attitude or I'm going to leave. This will be our first fight in years. In fact, I can't remember the last time we stood yelling at each other like this. I think it was freshman year of high school. I remember it had something to do with some slut that was trying to get in his pants.

"What do you want from me? You show up here, early, barge in my room and act like I shouldn't be mad. Well, I am. It took me weeks to get her to go out with me. There's no way she's going to believe that you're just my friend, not with you looking like that." He turns his back to me and drops his head to his chest.

"What's wrong with the way I look?" I look down at the outfit the lady at the store helped me pick out. It's simple. I bought my first pair of skinny jeans, some amazing brown leather boots that come up to my knees, and an off-the-shoulder flowery top. I think I look nice.

"Nothing. That's the problem. You look really pretty."

No one has ever told me that I look pretty. To hear the words come out of Elliot's mouth stuns me for a second. I don't know how to respond. When I don't, Elliot turns around to face me and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Look, Reagan. I'm not mad at you. I just didn't expect this version of you to walk through my door. I wish you would have told me. I knew you were going to make a few changes, but I didn't expect this big of a transformation."

"I'm still the same person I've always been, I just look a little different. It's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal."

"It is a big deal to me. I'm going to have to kick someone's ass tonight, I just know it."

I shake my head at him and laugh under my breath. "Why is that?"

"We're supposed to be going to a party with some of the guys from the dorm. I don't know if I want to leave here with you looking like that. The guys are going to hit on you left and right and I'm going to lose my shit." He's serious.

"I can change if you want. I have my other clothes in my car. Will that make you feel better?"

"No. Don't do that. Just promise me that you won't fall for some drunk guys nice words and get yourself in a situation you can't get out of. I really don't want to go to jail."

"Promise," I say as I pull him in for a hug. The fact that he cares so much warms my heart. I missed my friend.

Walking up the steps to the frat house, my stomach starts to churn. I'm going to vomit. I'm completely out of my comfort zone. When I told Felicity where we were going she started laughing. We both know I'm not going to last long in a place like this. I may be more social than I was in high school, but I'm still not ready to spread my wings and be the social butterfly that I want to be.

The music smacks me in the face as soon as Elliot opens the door and ushers me in. There are a ton of people crammed into a small room, dancing and drinking. The guys are grinding against the girls. The girls are loving the attention, their drinks spilling out onto the floor every time they move. I won't be joining them on the dance floor.

"Reagan, this is Pat." I turn my attention in the direction of Elliot's voice. Standing in front of me is a shirtless, toned, frat boy with blond hair and a tattoo spanning the length of his chest. Attached to his hip is a half passed out blonde, holding on for dear life.

I stretch out my hand to shake his. "Hi!" I scream over the music. He shakes my hand, his thumb caressing my knuckles. That's when I notice the look he's giving me and pull my hand away. He's obviously drunk as well. Sorry bud, you aren't going to get anything from me.

"Do you want something to drink?" Elliot asks, his mouth as close to my ear as it can get so I can hear him. I shake my head and he heads off to get me something.

"So, how do you know Elliot again?" Drunk Pat is moving closer, Blondie moving right along with him.

"We've been friends since we were kids." I keep my answer short and simple. I scan the room for Elliot. He needs to hurry the hell up. I'm not good at small talk and Pat is giving me the creeps.

"What kind of friends?" I hear the suggestion he's making. I should probably shut down any thought that he might have of me and Elliot, but I don't want to at the moment. I want him to think we are together so that he'll leave me alone.

"The kind you're thinking we might be. Sorry.” I don't sound sorry, but I'm sure he's too drunk to notice. In fact, he's staring at me like he didn't hear a word I just said. There it is. I just saw the light turn on. Pat nods his head and turns to Blondie. He whispers something in her ear before picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. I watch as he takes her up a set of stairs and they disappear. At least he's gone. I feel bad for the girl. I hope she doesn't regret her decision in the morning.

The rest of the night is uneventful. I tell Elliot what I hinted at with Pat. He gets a good laugh out of it. The entire house knows that we're just friends, but the room is full of strangers to him so we play along with my lie. Elliot holds my hand to keep the weirdo's away. We won't have to worry about him going to jail now.

I do my best to hold conversations with Elliot's frat brothers. Most of them are nice. Some of them are too nice, probably because they're drunk. A few ask him about the hand holding and he tells them the Pat story. They all get a laugh out of it.

Elliot and I pass out in his bed about four o'clock. My last thought before letting sleep take me is of the girl that was in his bed earlier. I'm going to make him wash his sheets tomorrow. Who knows what other girls have been in his bed and how far he's gotten with them.

March 19, 2006

Luke,

Your letters have stopped completely. If I said something wrong, please tell me. I'm not sure what happened or when but I can feel the change and I don't like it. Things felt like they were headed in the right direction until you stopped writing. I'm going to assume that you've received my letters. I'm going to keep writing until I can't take the silence anymore. I wish you would write back, though.