I wipe my eyes looking up to the sky where I know my sister is an angel. “I can’t let him in, Car. I can’t have someone else depend on me. I can’t let anyone else down the way that I did you. I’ll never forgive myself for losing you.”

I hear a noise behind me and jump. When I turn around, I gasp.

Jake.

Chapter Eight

Jake

I stare at the beautiful broken girl in front of me, and all I want to do is take her pain away. I heard her talking to her sister; I didn’t mean to at first. I was visiting Lacey when I saw her walking. I only meant to come say hi, but she was already talking when I reached her.

“What are you doing? I get that you think this cat and mouse shit is fun, but how dare you follow me here!” She’s crying and her voice trembles as she raises her voice at me.

“Nina I didn’t—”

“No! You didn’t! This is private! Get out of here and leave me the hell alone. I mean it this time, stay away from me or I will call the cops!” She turns her back on me, and I want to explain why I was here, and that I wasn’t following her. I know though that if I try to talk to her now it won’t do any good.

I turn back to my car and pull away from the cemetery. Instead of going home, I go over to Brian’s house. I need some advice at this point because I’m stuck. I kind of hope Jules is home because she knows Nina, maybe she can give me some insight.

Jules answers the door after a few minutes. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I need to talk.” She opens the door and invites me in, following me into the living room. “I don’t know what to do, Jules. I like Nina; I’m not sure what it is that’s drawing me to her, but it’s strong. She keeps pushing me away, though. And now I think she might hate me.” My hands rub the back of my neck in frustration.

“Why would she hate you?”

I tell Jules about the cemetery and overhearing everything Nina said. I don’t go into detail because it’s not my story to tell. “I don’t know what to do now. I tried to call her and leave her a message, but I think she has me blocked. I was making progress with her. It wasn’t anything big, but it was progress. Now I fucked it all up.”

“Jake, I think that right now you need to give her some time. One, you have to let her cool down, and, two, you need to let her process everything.”

“I don’t want her to think I gave up, though.” I know that is what she is expecting me to do. It's what she has expected since the first day.

“You don’t need to give up on her, just give her space.”

I nod.

I’ll give her space but at the same time I’ll make sure she knows I am still here.

***

It’s been a week since I have seen Nina. I haven’t stopped by or tried to call her at all, but I have reminded her that I’m here every day. Every morning at ten a.m. I have had flowers delivered to her work and over the weekend they were sent to her house. Today, I am going to see her. I booked a massage under the name Shawn and I am going to surprise her. I also made sure I was her last appointment since I know what time she gets done each day, and I’m not sure how all of this will turn out.

I hear her voice. “Shawn?”

When I stand up and turn toward her, the shock on her face is evident. I can tell she wants to yell at me, but she is at work and has to keep her cool, which is what I was counting on. I follow her back to the room much like I did when we first met.

As soon as the door closes, she turns to me with a fire in her eyes. “How dare you come here? This is my work, Jake!” she whisper yells at me.

“I know, but I also know you wouldn’t have given me the time of day outside of here. I need to talk to you.” I sit on the table, but she remains in place with her arms crossed.

“No, you need to leave.” Her voice is hard, but there is a slight tremble in it.

“Well, I paid for an hour, so you’re mine until then.” I smile at her in hopes of breaking her anger, no luck.

She presses buttons on a timer. “Your time is ticking.”

“I didn’t follow you to the cemetery, Nina, I was visiting a friend we lost a few years ago. I was just going to say hi, but then I heard you talking. You sounded so sad, all I wanted to do was be there for you.” I pray that she believes me.

“I don’t need anyone to be there for me, and you had no right to listen to my conversation.” Her eyes are welling up with unshed tears.

I stand up and walk over to where she is, bracing my hands on the door beside her and resting my forehead on hers. To my surprise, she doesn’t pull back from the contact. “I get why you are pushing me away. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you. I’ve proven to you that you aren’t getting rid of me. You might think you don’t need anyone, but you do, and that’s okay. We all need someone. Let yourself need me.” I hear the large inhale of breath she takes and how shaky it is. “Don’t be scared to jump, I won’t let you fall.”

She moves forward a couple inches and touches her lips to mine. I want to react, to deepen the kiss and show her how I feel, but I don’t. I let her move at her own pace. Her arms uncross, and her hands slowly wrap around my neck. I kiss her back but still make no other moves, leaving her in control.

Her mouth pulls away from me. “I’m scared.” Her eyes are full of fear and uneasiness.

I take her hand and walk over to the table. “Lie down. I want to hold you.” She is hesitant at first but lies down next to me, facing me. I wrap my arms around her tiny body. “Focus on my arms around you. They’re a shield, stopping anyone and anything from hurting you. Nothing can break through. You’re safe.”

Her head relaxes against my chest. “Did you hear everything I was saying?”

Her body goes rigid as she waits for my answer. I did hear everything about her sister, but I want her to tell me when she is ready. “No, I missed most of it. Whenever you’re ready, we can talk about it.”

I kiss the top of her head as she breathes a sigh of relief and closes her eyes.

I know she is scared because she thinks she is too broken for me to love her.

I’m going to show her how wrong she is.

Chapter Nine

Nina

The timer begins to beep, and I jolt awake. I look up to see Jake’s eyes trained on me. I can’t believe I fell asleep. Even more, I can’t believe I let him in. Yes, I have hugged him before but lying here with him and letting him see me in a vulnerable state. That is something that is so out of my comfort zone. I feel so uneasy right now, I have no idea how to act. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and haven’t even been on a date since high school. I feel like I am totally going to suck at this.

I sit up, and Jake follows my lead. Once I turn the timer off, I turn to face him. “So, now what?” I need to know what he expects of me, that way I could at least try my best not to disappoint him.

“Now? We do whatever you want to. This isn’t as hard as you think, I promise.” He stands up and walks over to me. “Just relax and be yourself. I have something I need to do. Can I meet you at your place in an hour?”

I nod. He places a soft kiss on my lips before leaving. I take a moment to gather my thoughts before I grab my purse and head home. I feel gross in my work stuff, and have an overwhelming smell of lotion, so I decide to shower.

As the water rains down on me, I try to let my fear and hesitation roll off of me. He’s right, I just need to relax. Carly, send me a sign, please. Let me know I’m on the right path. I need some reassurance. I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong. All the ways I could break him, or how much worse he could break me.

As I stand in front of my closet, I am stressing over what to wear for the first time in forever. I settle on comfortable over stylish and throw on a pair of leggings and a flowy shirt. I don’t think we are going out, at least Jake didn’t mention it.