“Oh. Shit … I’m coming again,” I moan tugging on his hair as I throw back my head, crying out his name. When our bodies finally still, I collapse onto his chest. My skin prickles with the cool breeze.

“Christ, you’re so beautiful when you’re coming. You have no idea what seeing you like that does to me,” he sighs, kissing my forehead and wrapping his arms tightly around my torso. If I wasn’t so worn out I’d offer to show him again.

I get the strongest vibes from him, whenever we’ve been intimate. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Even though I have no experience, nothing to compare it to, I’m pretty sure what we have is special. It’s like he’s feeling everything I am. It’s so intense. But then he’ll say or do something that tells me he wants distance. It’s confusing. Maybe it’s just part of his charm. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Or maybe he does feel everything I do. I doubt it. He’s probably like this with all the girls.

We stay motionless, wrapped in each other’s arms for what seems like ages, before he eventually slides out of me and places me beside him. I’m surprised by the loss I feel from no longer being connected to him.

Standing, he passes me my clothes before removing his condom and getting dressed. Tears sting my eyes when I realise my time with him is over. I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want this to be our last time together. When I told him one night, I honestly thought I’d be okay with that. Now I know that’s not the case.

Once I slip back into my clothes, I go to stand. “Don’t get up,” he says squatting down beside me and stroking his hand gently down the side of my face. “I don’t want you to go yet.” I feel my lips curl into a smile when he leans forward and kisses me. He lays down beside me and pulls me into his arms. Reaching behind him, he pulls the other half of the blanket over us. “Just let me hold you for a while.”

Carter

‘No regrets’ we said, but that’s exactly what I’m having. Not because of what we did. No way. I’ll never forget what she gave me last night. I’m not just talking about her virginity either.

My regret is now I’ve taken it this far with her, crossed the line I swore I’d never cross, I have to leave. It’s for her own good. I don’t have a choice.

It was sometime in the early hours of this morning that I made my final decision. I only hope I have the strength to go through with it. I haven’t slept a wink all night. It was around 3:00am when we finally left the lake and made our way home.

In my heart I knew it would be our last time together, so I didn’t want it to end. I even offered to let her spend the night at my house, in my bed, but she declined. I’ve never invited anyone to spend the night with me before. It’s funny; when it comes to her, my previous rules, the ones I’ve never broken cease to exist.

I’m in the midst of both heaven and hell. Last night she took me to a place I never thought possible. Bliss. That’s what I experienced with her. Fucking bliss. Never in my life did I think sex could be like that. Sure, it’s always good, but with her …

Sweet Jesus.

The things she made me feel blew my fucking mind. What we shared was fleeting in the grand scheme of things, but I know it’s something I’m not going to forget in a hurry—if ever. I only wish things could be different between us, but they can’t.

Rising from the bed, I head to the bathroom to shower. If I’m going to go through with my plan I need to get my shit together. Standing under the spray of hot water, I contemplate what my actions today are going to do to the two people I care about the most in this world.

My mum has given up the last eighteen years of her life for me. It’s time I gave it back. She has her fuckwit of a husband to help pick up the pieces. Then there’s Indi. She has so much promise for a bright and happy future. She has her whole life ahead of her. A life I’m pretty sure will be a lot richer without me in it.

I have no idea where I’m heading, or what I’m gonna do. I was hoping for a few more weeks to get a plan in place, but after what happened last night, this needs to be done today. The sooner, the better. Things are only going to get complicated if I stay. The consequences are just too high. My feelings for her are far too strong. I’ve tried to fight them, but I’ve lost the battle. This thing between us can’t last. It will eventually lead to heartbreak. I know it. That’s a chance I’m not willing to take, for her, or for me.

I’ve had enough of that shit to last me a lifetime.

Sadness washes over me as I pick up the body wash and remove her scent from my skin. Never again will I be able to smell her sweetness, feel her silky soft skin beneath my fingertips, or taste her lips. It brings a motherfucking lump the size of a goddamn basketball to my throat.

Once I’m dressed I throw my things into my suitcase, stowing it under the bed before going in search of my mum. I find her in the kitchen cooking. As devastated as I’m feeling right now, just seeing her brings a smile to my face. I’m going to miss her cooking, but more than anything I’m going to miss her.

“Hey, sweetie,” she says smiling at me. “Breakfast won’t be long. As soon as John gets home we’ll eat.”

Walking to her, I wrap her in my arms. “I love you, Mum.”

“I love you too, Carter.”

“Thank you for always loving me. For keeping and wanting me when nobody else did.” I hear my voice crack when I speak.

“Baby? What’s brought this on?” she asks looking up at me. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just needed you to know how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me over the years. It’s meant everything to me. You mean everything to me.” I see her eyes well with tears from my words.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I see concern etched on her beautiful face. I nod, tightening my embrace. “You’re part of me, sweetheart. You’ll always be a part of me. Not having you in my life was never an option. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful that you’re my son,” she says, gently running her hand down the side of my face. I can’t speak. The lump in my throat is growing bigger by the second.

I’m surprised I’m not choking on that fucker.

This is my goodbye. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get to see her again. That thought makes my heart ache. If it wasn’t for her, my life growing up would’ve been nothing. Meaningless. She gave up her future, her family, everything for me. Words will never be able to express what that means to me.

She loved the bastard that nobody else could.

Leaning down I place a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I’ll be in my room,” I say as I turn and walk away. I don’t bother looking back. I can’t. If I do, she’ll see the tears that now glisten my eyes.

“Okay, sweetie. I love you, Carter,” she calls out behind me.

“I love you too, Mum,” I whisper.

Reaching under the bed, I grab the bag I just packed. Emptying out the contents of my school backpack onto the bed, I head back into my bathroom. I throw my deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste and brush into the bag. Walking back into my room I grab my sketchpad and a photo I have of my mum and I from when I was a boy, and stuff them inside. Looking around my room, I check to see if there’s anything else I need.

Heading towards the window, my gaze moves towards Indi’s house. I’m shocked to find her standing in her bedroom watching me. She’s smiling. Fuck. I was hoping I didn’t have to see her before I left. I can’t say goodbye to her, I just can’t. It will gut me.

Tearing my eyes away from her I drop my suitcase out of the window. It lands with a thud. When my eyes meet hers again, I watch as her gaze moves down to the bag on the ground, and then back up to meet mine. The smile drops from her beautiful face. A face I know I’m never going to forget.