“My mind tells me that I didn’t cause their pain and grief, but my heart tells me otherwise. I know I can't change their pain, but I can change mine and the pain I inflicted on my family, on the people I love.” I look up at Conner and watch him nod. I know I’m starting to lose it, so I decide that’s enough for today. Small steps.

“That’s all. Thanks,” I tell Frank, letting him know I’m done.

“Thanks for sharing, Jesse.” He doesn’t push me to continue and I’m fucking grateful. Just talking aloud for the first time in front of others has me on edge.

Frank moves on to the next person, and I spend the rest of the session reliving not only mine, but their nightmares over and over. It’s probably the most honest thing I’ve ever shared, and even though I’m on edge, wired from living this shit that plagues my dreams, I know I’m safe. I know my brothers have me and I know I’m not going to fuck up again.

It’s not an option.

“You gonna keep looking at that phone, or you gonna eat?” Conner asks, breaking me out of my stare.

“Huh?” I look up and watch him smirk.

“What the fuck are you doing, Jesse? Since when do you let a woman mess you up like this?”

“You’re the fucking one who said to give her time.” I pocket my phone and force myself to get my shit together.

“How’s that working out for you?” He smirks, knowing just how fucking well it’s working. Asshole.

“About as well as it was last week.” I shake my head and move back to my burger. We just finished our group session and decided to come into town to eat.

“You tried going to see her?”

“Not ready for that yet.” I shut that idea down knowing I need to pull my head out of my ass and step up. I just need a bit more time.

“Remind me what you’re waiting for again?”

“She asked for time. I’m giving it to her.” I wish she would give me something more to work with. I do worry I’ve pushed her too far. The night of my father’s funeral was brutal. Maybe she would never forgive me for that, but we were long past forgiveness. I just needed to prove it wouldn’t happen again.

“Just don’t forget who you are, Jesse. Yes, you fucked up. Yes, you’re giving her what she asked for, but in my experience, most women don’t know what they want.”

“In your experience?” I snort at the fucker as he throws a French fry at my head.

“Hey, I’m not the sucker looking at my phone every day wondering when some pussy is gonna call.”

“That’s my woman you’re talking about, asshole.”

“Exactly, now just remind her of that.”

I don’t respond ‘cause he’s fucking right.

Bell is my woman, and maybe I was going to have to make her remember. Maybe her plea for more time needed to end. I knew what I was doing now wasn’t enough. I had to do more. She deserved more. We both did.

I just needed to do one more thing.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” T’s eyes connect with mine as soon as I step foot in the bar just outside of town.

If any of my brothers were here, they’d have me by the scruff of my cut, pulling me back out to my bike.

“Calling in a favor.” I clock the three men to my right, Bear, T’s VP, and some other fucker I don’t know, and the on my left, the punk ass I should have laid out, Danger. It might turn out to be my biggest fuck up to date, but I can’t not try.

“You got some big fucking balls walking in here right now, asshole.”

“I don’t have balls. My woman fucking took them when she left my ass,” I counter and watch him throw back his head in laughter.

“Fuck, you messed up by some pussy, Jesse? Welcome to the club.” T nods to the stool beside him. I take a seat, keeping an eye on my surroundings. It might be stupid for me to just walk in here, but I had to give it one last shot.

“Your prez know you’re here?”

“Does it matter?” I don’t like that I’m going against my club, but if I play this right, it won’t matter.

“It does if I have Nix breathing down my neck.” I hold back my smile, knowing T and his men want the truce just as much as we do.

“You give me what I want, there won’t be any drama on our end.” I know he’s apprehensive, but I won’t renege.

“And when I’m ready to call in that marker?”

“You deal with me.” I point my stare at him, letting him know this is a must. Not Nix, or the club but me. I’ll owe the fucker.

“What do you have that’s going to persuade me?” He crosses his arms and rests back, waiting for the sweetener.

“You get your marker from me and my brother.” I offer him something that isn’t mine to offer, but I’ll deal with Jackson later.

T doesn’t say anything at first, his eyes calculating me, sizing me up, trying to figure out if I’ll deliver on my promise. I’m not messing around. I’m a man of my word and I’ll come through.

“I give you what you want, this doesn’t come back on us.” It’s not a question but a thinly veiled threat.

“You think I give a fuck what happens to you? I don’t. But you give me what I want, I’ll make sure when heads roll, this shit doesn’t come back on you,” I promise. By the time we’re done with these sick fucks, the Warriors will be the least of their concern.

“Do we have a deal?” I push, needing to move this shit along. “I got a wedding to attend.”

“You getting hitched to the little piece you’re messed up about?” the little punk, Danger, calls out.

“You don’t even fucking look at me, cunt.” I point back to him but keep my eyes on T. I don’t give a fuck if I’m in their house, the little fucker will see the full effects of my rage if he even speaks Bell’s name.

“Name,” I urge T, needing to the get fuck out of here.

“Axle David.” My skin crawls as the name registers.

“Where?”

“Arizona. Not gonna lie, getting her out…it’s not going to be easy.”

I nod and stand. He might believe that, but my options aren’t exhausted.

“You call your marker to me,” I remind him as I make my way to the door. He doesn’t reply. Even if he did, I wouldn’t respond. We both got what we needed.

Now I had work to do.

I needed Jay in on this.

Thirty-Eight BELL

“Are you ready yet, Holly?” Kadence claps her hands together growing impatient.

“Quit rushing me. I have some serious props to get through here,” Holly calls back, not one to be rushed.

“Like I said, payback’s a bitch,” Kadence nudges me with a whisper.

“This view is amazing.” I move toward the window and look down at the Bellagio fountain as it lights up, dancing in time with a classical number.

“Have you ever been here?” Kadence comes forward and hands me a glass of wine. I stop myself from pushing it away, and accept it with a smile.

“No, first time.” I raise my glass then take a sip. Citrus and a hint of pear ignite my taste buds, and I relax into the taste.

“Come on, ladies, we’re going to be late!” Kadence yells out, still waiting on the other three.

“Okay, I’m ready!” Kelly shouts out this time before walking out of the bedroom with Lissy on her tail.

“Oh, my gosh, Kelly, look at you.” I move toward the glass table that sits in the middle of the room as I place my glass down to get a better look at her.

“Thanks?” She twirls on the spot and her black dress shimmers under the penthouse suite lights. Her blonde hair sits in curls past her shoulders and her makeup has been applied flawlessly. Lissy worked her magic on her and she looks absolutely amazing.

“Umm, I feel so underdressed.” I look down at my basic little black dress that sits a little shorter than I’m comfortable with and contemplate heading back next door to my suite and changing.