I shifted on my seat uneasily, because I did. I took them with me wherever I went. And when I had a bad day, I read them. Especially my favorite ones. “That doesn’t mean I have feelings for her.”

“Then why did you move in with her, instead of me?”

“I told you.” I shrugged. “A debt.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Tyler smiled at the blonde, and she blushed. That was another reason I didn’t want to live with him, but I didn’t want to say it. If he thought sleeping around and getting drunk were helping him, then who the hell was I to tell him to stop?

I wasn’t his doctor. I was his friend.

“Go ahead. Go say hi. I’ve got this one.”

“Are you sure?” he asked me, already scooting out of the booth.

“Yeah. But don’t forget you have to see Doc Greene tomorrow,” I reminded him. It’s what we did. Kept each other on track. When Tyler had been injured, he chose to leave the army altogether. It was a decision he still struggled with. “I’ll expect a full report.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tyler muttered. “Have fun playing house with your sister.”

“Fuck off,” I called out.

But I grinned at the gibe. Tyler was my brother, even if it wasn’t by blood.

As soon as I was alone again, my mind wandered back to Lilly. How could she actually be planning to marry a man she didn’t like? She deserved more.

She deserved to be happy.

This was the kind of woman who, even as a teenager, had embraced a guy like me. Who had written letter after letter, without any sign of encouragement from me, and had done so simply to make me aware she cared about me. Who had loved me, when I clearly didn’t deserve that love. Who continued to love me, even when I didn’t write back to her. A boy she barely knew.

How did she feel about the man I had become?

It didn’t matter. Not really. All because she was going to be a martyr and marry Preppy Prick because her father said she “had” to. That wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

And she shouldn’t be okay with that.

My phone rang, and I cringed when I saw who it was.

My mother. Sighing, I picked up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, dear. It’s me. Your mother.”

I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. “Yeah. I know.”

“How are you doing over there? What’s all that noise?”

“It’s just the guys, being loud. It’s our night off. And I’m fine. Good. Aren’t you supposed to be at—?” I bit down on my tongue, because I knew she was supposed to be at dinner with Lilly, but I couldn’t admit that. “I mean, what are you up to tonight?”

“Nothing. Just got home from dinner.”

“Was it good?” I asked politely. If she was home, that meant Lilly would be home soon. Suddenly, I had the urge to go home, too. “Did you have a nice time?”

“It was lovely,” she answered, yawning. “When are you coming back? You said you’d be home soon.”

I winced, because she didn’t even know I’d been shot. When I called her from the hospital, I purposely left that part out of our discussion. And it was a good thing, because I hadn’t left. I wasn’t getting out of the army, after all. “I changed my mind, Mother.”

She got really quiet, then, “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t leave the army. I stayed in.”

More silence. “Why would you do that?”

“Because it’s where I want to be.” I rubbed my forehead and waved at Tyler as he left, the blonde firmly under his arm. The dude worked fast. “It’s what I want to be.”

She started off on a tirade about all these plans she made, and how I was supposed to come home and take my rightful place as her son, and be a politician, and yada yada yada. I tuned out after the first three minutes, my mind still on Lilly. It remained there until she yelled, “Jackson! Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, sorry.” I blinked. “I didn’t sleep well last night, and it’s late over here.” The lie didn’t sit well in the pit of my stomach.

“Why not?” The phone shuffled. “Are you having nightmares? I heard a lot of soldiers do. You should go to the base doctor. I’ll bet he’s very discreet.”

“No, Mom. I’m not having nightmares.” I just couldn’t sleep after fucking Lilly, and the events of the aftermath. The sounds she’d made while she came had haunted me well into the wee hours of the morning. “I just had too much coffee.”

“You should be careful of that,” she said, serious as can be.

I had to bite back a laugh. Christ, when I was a kid, I used to drink Coke by the two-liter, and she hadn’t said a word. But now that I was an adult, and she was vying for Mother of the Year, she cared about my caffeine intake? It was beyond ridiculous. “You’re right. It’s totally a serious matter.”

“I wish you were still coming home, Jackson.”

I swallowed hard, that unwelcome guilt rising up again. “I’m sorry.”

We talked for a few more minutes and then hung up.

Now that her duty was done, she wouldn’t call me again for another two weeks. After lying to my mother, I needed to relax, to calm down the feelings that were shredding up my insides, before walking home. So I settled back in my booth and finished my drink, scanning the crowded bar as I did so. It was practically filled to the brim, but it seemed innocent enough. Just a lot of people trying to get drunk, laid, or both.

No one looking to kill me, or attack, and yet I was still on edge.

I hated crowds. Too many people to keep an eye on.

A brunette woman came up to me, obviously a regular on the hunt for fresh meat. “You look lonely over here, by yourself,” she said, smiling. “Wanna buy me a drink?”

Oh, yeah. I’d like nothing more. “Sorry, I’m spoken for. I’ve got a lady waiting for me back home.” Not a complete lie. I did. But she wasn’t my lady. “But if I wasn’t…”

She pouted playfully before giving me a genuine smile. “Your lady is one lucky woman.”

Not true. Lilly was so selfless, she gave all her luck away.

I watched the woman prowl off. She was hot and up for no-strings fun. She would be a perfect person to start moving on with, but I felt nothing. There wasn’t a single twitch from my cock.

All I wanted to think about was Lilly, and the way she’d made me feel last night. And how her back had arched when she came, her bright green eyes locked on to mine as she floated away on an orgasm. And her laugh. Smile. How soft her hair was…

Shit. Now I was hard as a rock.

Maybe I should go for the other woman, after all.

As I drank, I watched the crowd around me. For some reason, I was finding it amusing to watch people try to score all night, with person after person, until they finally succeeded. As the hour wore on, more and more people paired off, leaving together. And yet I still sat there, nursing the same drink.

When I saw the brunette eye me with renewed interest, I tossed cash on the table and stood up, heading for the door. Once outside, I took my phone out for the tenth time that night. This time, I had one missed call, and a voicemail.

I didn’t recognize the number, so I started the voicemail.

“Hello, Lieutenant Worthington. It’s Petty Officer Thomas. Give me a call back, and we’ll schedule a time to chat about that transfer to Hawaii you put a request in for.”

I smiled, because it was happening.

Shit was falling into place, and if everything went according to plan, soon I’d be outta Arlington again. Away from Mom and Walt, and away from…Lilly.

Funny. That last part didn’t feel so great anymore.

And that pissed me off.

Chapter 14