Lilly

It had been five nights.

Five long, stressful, lonely nights since Jackson and I made love. And ever since, he kept his word. He treated me with kindness, and never once veered into anything more intimate. We were friends, and I could tell he cared about me, and God knew I cared about him. He didn’t talk about the night we shared, never once hinting he might be interested in more. He had been one hundred percent the platonic stepbrother, and it was killing me. He might be okay with one night of pleasure…

But I was not.

I ached for his touch. I dreamt of him every night. Last night, I’d awoken up around two in a cold sweat, with my hand down my underwear. Panting, I opened my eyes, hoping that the dream I woke up from about him making love to me with his mouth was real, but it hadn’t been. I was alone in the bed.

And just like that?

My impending orgasm slipped away.

That dream left me aching even more than before. And I was ready to snap. If he smiled at me one more time, or acted as if he didn’t want me when he had to, I just might pounce on him. This insistent desire couldn’t possibly be one-sided…could it?

He had to still want me, too.

“Are you even listening to me?” Derek asked.

I jerked myself out of my thoughts. Ever since Jackson moved in, Derek kept finding more and more excuses to come over. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was trying to fix our relationship like he’d said the other day…or if it was because he just liked to drool all over Jackson.

Because he did that. A lot.

“Yeah, sorry. What did you say again?”

“I asked what time you had to be in at work tomorrow,” he said slowly.

I sat up straighter. “Oh, nine.”

“Okay.” He shifted and glanced at the clock. “What time does Jackson get home again?”

There was my answer.

I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to drool all over Jackson, too. “Any minute now.”

As if on cue, the door opened, and Jackson called out, “Lilly? You home?”

“Yeah,” I replied, fanning myself with my notebook. It was hot as Hades in here, and it would only get hotter the second he walked in the room. “In the kitchen.”

“I brought you a—” He stopped in the doorway, faltering. He still wore his dark green army uniform, and he looked smoking hot in it. Every time I saw him wearing it, and didn’t get to touch him, I died a little inside. “Oh. You’re not alone.”

“No, she’s not,” Derek snapped, scanning Jackson’s form. “Disappointed?”

It was funny, because when Jackson was around, Derek acted as if he hated him. But I saw the way he perked up whenever he entered the room. Saw the interest burning in his bright blue eyes. The jackass attitude he gave Jackson was clearly some kind of weird flirting. Derek was more engaged during Jackson’s quick comebacks than during an entire hour conversation with me, where he mostly talked about himself.

I wondered if Jackson saw it, too.

“That you’re here?” Jackson asked, shrugging one shoulder. “Yeah, but I’ll cope.”

I sighed, watching his arms. He carried a six-pack of beer and a pizza. I didn’t know which I wanted more—the beer, the pizza, or him. Who was I kidding? There was no competition. Jackson won, hands down. And he always would.

Pursing my lips, I shook myself out of my Jackson trance and glanced at Derek to see if he noticed—but he was too busy admiring the same muscles I’d been. Swallowing hard, I tried my best to ignore the fact that my future husband was drooling all over the only man I had ever slept with. This was such an insanely messed-up situation. “Is one of those for me?”

Jackson glanced at me, his jaw tight. “Yeah. Sure. If you want one.”

“Thanks.”

Standing, I raised my arms over my head, groaning when the aching muscles in my back finally got the chance to stretch out. Derek and I had been working on a crossword puzzle. I felt as if I were ninety years old already. Jackson watched me through narrow eyes, and for the first time in days, I saw desire there. It was enough to make me want to jump his bones—alleged fiancé in the room or not.

Jackson studied me, as if he knew my thoughts, and smirked.

Derek didn’t notice. He was too busy watching Jackson.

“You want a beer?” I asked Derek.

“Huh? Oh. No, thank you.” He glanced at his watch and stood. He’d gotten what he came for. He’d seen Jackson. “I have to go.”

Jackson didn’t even look at him. Just set the beer down on the counter and opened the pizza box. “Sounds good. See ya.”

I walked Derek to the door.

He glanced toward the kitchen. “If he could just be a little more respectful, I wouldn’t mind him hanging around all the time, but he acts like I’m the interloper. He should be trying to be nice to me so I keep his secret, trying to please me…”

“What?” I asked.

“Never mind,” he said quickly, cheeks red. “I’ll see you later.”

He ran out the door as if a rabid dog chased after him.

Maybe I was that rabid dog. Maybe he was as unhappy with this possible marriage as I was. And maybe, just maybe, he could be an ally in escaping it. I closed the door behind him, sighed heavily, and dropped my forehead on the cool steel door. “Thank God.”

“Thank God for what?” Jackson asked. “You all right?”

“Yeah.” Now I’d have to deal with him being impossibly polite, all the while acting as if he’d never seen me naked before. “I, uh, my neck’s sore. I slept on it wrong last night.”

He chuckled and the next thing I knew, his hands closed around my shoulders, and he was massaging my sore muscles. “You always were a restless sleeper. I remember you roaming the halls in the middle of the night, back when we were kids.”

“I know. I still—” I broke off and moaned. I couldn’t help it. As soon as the sound escaped, he stiffened, but stepped closer. I could smell him. Feel him. Sense him. “I still do.”

He stepped closer. One more step, and his zipper would dig into my back. And I would be able to feel his erection. I’d missed it. “I know. I heard you last night.”

Yeah. I couldn’t sleep because of him. I bet he knew that, too. “Your mom talked about you a lot the other night,” I said, still holding the doorknob for dear life. “About how you might be coming home soon.”

“I know.” He tensed. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it. His hands continued rubbing, moving down my back slightly, but they were stiffer. “I told her I wasn’t anymore.”

I tried to face him, but he kept me in place, massaging deeper. My eyes drifted shut. “At some point, you’re going to have to tell her.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” He did it. Stepped even closer. All the nonchalance in the world couldn’t hide the fact that right here, right now, he wanted me. There was no way he could explain that away as a fluke. “Depends on if I stick around or not.”

My stomach hollowed out, and I squeezed my thighs together. “What do you mean? Are you thinking about leaving again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He leaned in and breathed in deeply. Had he just…just…sniffed my hair? He totally had. “There’s an opening in Hawaii, and a little bit of sand and sunshine sounds pretty damn nice to me right about now.”

Hawaii. My throat dried out. I tried to picture him lying on the white sandy beach, and it made my stomach hollow out even more. I squeezed my legs tighter, but it didn’t dull the ache in my core. Or the emptiness that filled me at the thought of him leaving again. This time, he might not come back. “But that’s so far away.”

“I know. That’s kinda the point.”

I swallowed. “Does Nancy know?”

“No. I only told you.” His hand slid down my back, and without meaning to, I leaned back into his erection, pressing my butt against him. We both froze, breaths held. “You know, you can press those sweet little legs of yours together all you want, but it won’t make it any better. Nothing will.”