I spun, resting against the door, chest heaving. He’d taken off his button-up uniform shirt, and only had a dark green undershirt on now. “I know one thing that will.”

“Lilly.”

“Jackson,” I whispered back.

He was so close, hovering over me.

Close enough that all I had to do was rest my hands on his shoulders and rise on tiptoe—and I’d be able to kiss him. One small movement, and I would get what I wanted. He still held on to my shoulder, and the other hand held on to my hip. He didn’t let go.

Didn’t reject me.

After days of nothing but kindness and distance, it felt like a miracle. Like a ray of sunshine between two dark, stormy clouds. Slowly, I reached up and cupped his cheek. The second I touched him, he shook off whatever had held him captive and stepped back.

Groaning, he dragged a hand through his hair and laughed. “Sorry. I zoned out for a minute there.”

Swallowing the protest welling in my throat, I forced a smile. Pretended like I didn’t want to climb all over him like a monkey. “Yeah. Me, too. Totally.”

“Anyway.” He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed again. It sounded more forced than before. “Yeah, so Hawaii. Maybe. Don’t tell anyone, though.”

“I won’t,” I said softly. “Your secret is safe with me.”

We locked gazes again. Neither of us moved. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, “Yeah. I know. And yours is safe with me.”

I curled my hands into balls. “Which secret is that?”

“The obvious one.” He looked me up and down. “The fact that no matter how much you pretend otherwise, you’re not okay with maybe marrying Preppy Prick. Or that you’re okay with him watching me with more interest than he’s ever shown you.”

I shook my head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” He laughed and ruffled his hair with his hand. “Tell the truth?”

“I told you.” I tilted my chin up. “It’s my business.”

“That might be so.” He came closer again, nostrils flared. “But it doesn’t mean I can’t see the truth staring right back at me. You said you might get out of it, but I think you know, deep down, you won’t. And it’s killing you.”

I shook my head. “If I have to do it, I will. And I’ll be fine.” I held my hands out. “What’s so wrong with that?”

“You could stand up for yourself. Say no to your daddy for once in your life.”

I laughed. “Yeah, because it’s that easy.”

“It is,” he snapped.

“You think I haven’t thought about saying no?” I advanced on him. He stepped back. “This isn’t about Daddy, or his wishes. This is more than that. I went to a lawyer. The merger is the only answer.”

“Corporate America is alive and well. Yay,” he said drily.

“It’s not like that,” I said through my clenched teeth. “If I don’t do this, thousands of lives will be affected. Thousands of people will lose their jobs. Their houses. Everything. There’s no escaping that. Not for me.”

He frowned. “Screw the companies, and the hell with your dad. Just walk away, make your own choices. It’s what I did.”

“Yeah. I remember. I was there. Perhaps you didn’t notice me?”

He flexed his jaw. “Don’t be a fool. I damn well noticed you. I just left, anyway. It’s what people do. They leave.”

I stared back at him, unable to respond.

Moments passed.

Finally, I broke the silence because he obviously wasn’t going to. “It was different for you. You had the luxury of just thinking about yourself.”

“The luxury of thinking about myself? I fought for my damn country. I put my life on the line every day for seven years.” He looked me up and down. “You’re going to tell me that’s a fucking luxury?”

“That’s not what I meant.” I covered my face, exhausted from this constant battle with him. He didn’t, and never would, understand. “I mean, there are similarities between what you did and what I’m doing, in a sense. Obviously, I won’t be surrounded by death or be in mortal danger. But if I go through with this marriage, I’ll be giving up years of my life, too, for the greater good. Yes, you made an honorable sacrifice, and yes, that was amazing. But it was also a way for you to escape. You left us all behind without a second thought, and you got out. If it hadn’t been for your injury, you wouldn’t be here now. And you know it.”

He gritted his teeth. “What does that have to do with you and Preppy Prick?”

“I would be making an honorable sacrifice, too, if I married him. Sure, I wouldn’t get to escape, or start new.” I pressed my lips together. “But I’d be saving thousands of people from unemployment, foreclosure, divorce, stress, all kinds of consequences. All I have to do is marry Derek for a couple of years, and they’ll be saved. That’s my job. That’s my sacrifice. And it’s my choice to make. One I won’t take lightly.”

No matter how much I wished I could.

Chapter 15

Jackson

I stared at Lilly, trying my best not to curse and punch a wall. Because I understood why she was doing what she was doing now, and I still didn’t like it. She wasn’t doing this to be a martyr, or a good little girl for Daddy Dearest. She wasn’t looking for pity, or for me to save her from a fate she didn’t deserve.

If she went through with it and married Derek, it would be because, to her, it was the right thing to do. She would be sacrificing herself, her freedom, her immediate future, and her happiness, to save the jobs of faceless employees who would never know they had her to thank for their padded bank accounts. She was being noble. Kind. Honorable.

Son of a bitch.

I couldn’t help but admire that.

“All right,” I said, dragging a hand through my hair.

She blinked at me, forehead wrinkled. “What?”

“I said, all right.” I dropped my hands to my sides. “I don’t like it, or agree with it, but I get why you feel you have to do what you have to do. And it is noble, in a way.”

“I’m not noble,” she whispered. “I’m trying to get out of it.”

“Yeah, but if you can’t find a way that’ll save the companies, the people”—I locked eyes with her—“you’ll do it. Won’t you?”

“Yeah.” Something laced her voice, and I couldn’t tell if it was fear or commitment to her cause. “I would. But I’m hoping I don’t have to.”

I headed into the kitchen, not knowing what else to do or say. “Want a beer?”

“Yes.” She followed me. “God, yes.”

After opening the fridge, I pulled out a beer, twisted the lid off, and handed it to her, before getting my own. I still thought she was insane for going along with this, but I knew from personal experience how difficult it was to buck expectations, especially when other people would be affected by your actions. And she wasn’t the type of person to knowingly hurt other people. Even people she didn’t know.

It was yet another thing I admired about her.

When we were younger, one time Walt was harping on me, like he always did. She came into the room, blond hair flying behind her, and told him to knock it off.

And Walt had. It had been the most peaceful day I’d had in that house.

“So. Hawaii, huh?” she asked, staring at her beer bottle. “Do you, like, have a death wish or something?”

I snorted. “If so, I suck at accomplishing it. I was in dangerous situations for the last seven years of my life, and I lived to tell about it. But tell me, how does living on Hawaii equal a death wish to you?”