Do my brothers even know this is going on? Has she even told them? I don’t talk to them about our parents; I hate my parents for breaking our family apart. But this … this is just icing on the cake.

Plates and glasses are thrown across the floor; harsh words are exchanged. What’s been said can’t be taken back, and I revisit this day over and over again in my dreams. It never ends well.

Emily tries to reason with me. I can even hear her voice in my head.

“I hate them!”

“I understand, but you have to calm down, Chris. This isn’t helping,” she says, placing her hand on my chest.

“You know what else isn’t helping? You sitting there, ignoring what’s happening right in front of you.” We walk out into the hallway, out of our parents’ listening range.

“I’m not ignoring anything,” she says. “They’re just together, and we may not like it, but we can’t change a thing about it.”

“Yes, we can.” I grab her hand tight. “Don’t you want back what we had?”

“Chris …” She sighs. “You know that’s not possible. They’re engaged.”

“And you don’t think that’s weird? At all? So fast already?”

“Of course, it’s quick, but look at them … they’re happy.” She smiles. “My dad is finally happy again. After all this time.”

I know what she’s getting at. Her father’s been depressed ever since her mom died from ALS. I get it … I just don’t think it’s fair that he had to pick my mom to fall in love with. Out of all the people on this planet, they had to fall for each other.

Maybe I’m just angry because it means I’ll never be able to see Emily as anything more than just my future stepsister.

“He deserves this,” she adds. “Happiness.”

“We do, too.” I lean in against her forehead. We stand there for a while, just gazing at each other in the hallway of her dad’s house, and I’m starting to wonder why in the hell we don’t just go for it. Ignore how wrong it is, defy the rules, and just be with each other.

Just like my mom did.

I growl. “I can’t believe this.”

“Chris, it’s not worth getting angry over. What’s done is done. We had our time.”

“Don’t say that.” I grab her face with both hands. “I need you.”

I press a desperate kiss on her lips, hoping, praying it’s enough to keep her with me. However, deep down we both know this situation is spinning out of control.

“No.” She pushes me away softly. “If they find out …”

“So?” I try to kiss her again, but she won’t let me.

“Chris, we have to stop.” She sucks on her lip. “He’s my father. And she’s your mother. They love each other.”

The way she says love makes me sick to my stomach. “Why did they have to do this? Fuck!” I make a fist with my hand, wanting to smack it into her father’s face just because he’s fucking my mom. She’s my mom, my fucking mom.

“She shouldn’t even be here … she should be with my dad. Not with him.”

“Your mother made the choice to leave your father.”

“What?” I frown. “It’s not just her fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault.”

“It’s both their faults.” I point at the living room where they’re sitting, probably eavesdropping on part of our conversation, too. “Their relationship ruins everything. My family. My life. Everything.”

She looks up at me. “What do you mean ‘everything’?”

I sigh, gazing down at her hands, and then her body, her face, her lips, her eyes. I take everything in because I know this will probably be the last she’ll ever think of me as more than a stepbrother. Our love is dying while theirs is blossoming. It isn’t fair.

“Fuck this …” I growl, kicking the door. “I’m out of here.”

“Chris!” Emily calls after me, but I’ve already stormed out.

I can’t deal with it. I can’t be here, pretending everything is okay, while I’m slowly dying on the inside. I want my girl … Em … And I want my family back together.

It’s all because of that guy … her father … he’s the reason my mother bailed on my father in the first place. He’s the reason behind all my problems, and for some reason, I feel like I’m the only one who can do something about it.

I gotta fix this madness … before it ruins us.

But how far am I willing to go?

***

I force myself to awaken, sweat dripping from my body and soaking the sheets. Today I’m lucky because I managed to stop the dream right before the bad part … the part where my memories turn into a nightmare full of lies. A nightmare filled with violence.

The voice in my head was so loud back then, screaming bloody fucking murder.

But I refuse to go back to that darkness. Never again. I’ll drown out the voices with liquor if I have to.

Chapter 20

Emily

When Chris steps out onto the race tracks, I look up from my book and watch him wave to the crowd. His face looks a little washed out and the dark circles under his eyes make him look a little sick. It looks like he didn’t sleep at all last night. I wonder if it’s because of what happened.

I tried not to think about it, but that never lasts long. I’m completely embarrassed about it because I told him and myself that I would never fall for him again. And then I let him kiss me. One thing led to another and then … oh god … what did I do? Why did I go along with him? He’s my stepbrother, for god’s sakes; he’s supposed to be off-limits. Dangerous. An asshole. And so undeniably irresistible, it’s driving me insane.

I can’t get my head straight. Ever since last night, thoughts have been spinning through my mind. Thoughts about him, naked. Him sucking my lip. Him wanting me so badly … and it makes me weak in the knees.

I’m not easily persuaded to go all the way for a guy, but somehow, Chris manages to make me go the full monty just by flicking his fingers, and I hate it. I’m obsessed with him to the point of loathing myself for allowing anything to happen between us.

I should’ve cut it off when it began, but my body is like gasoline, and he just lit the fire … he knows exactly what makes me burn.

He’s known it all along, how to get me to do things. He’s always been like that, manipulative, always getting his way. And the worst part of it all is that I can never get enough.

It’s bad, it’s dangerous, and it’s so not okay. Especially considering the fact that we’re family now and family doesn’t fuck each other. At least not in the literal sense. Our relationship ended when we were teens, and it should’ve stayed that way.

But now … I don’t know what’s happening now. It’s as if I’m floating between wantonness and deep-seated hatred, and I can’t pick a side.

Crossing my arms across my chest, I watch him get on the bike and wait for a signal, and then he races off, always faster than everyone else does. Others catch up with him really quick, though, as he’s sloppy on the corners. He hasn’t perfected the slide with his knee yet, and each time he makes such a sharp corner, I’m afraid he might fall off the bike and get into a horrible accident.

I’m not even sure why I’m so worried; I mean, he’s Chris King, he knows how to fucking ride a motorcycle. I’ve seen so myself, especially last night. But still, I feel like I always have to watch his back. I shouldn’t even be doing this, supporting him, being here. It creates unwanted tension. I only came because he invited me last week, but that was before …

Dammit, I really have to stop thinking about him and his goddamn addictive kisses.

I grab my purse and take out my phone, determined to get my mind off Chris King. He might be deliciously sexy, but he’s still that same guy from before, that asshole who only cared about himself and his needs. He can’t be my … boyfriend. No, what the hell, what would his parents think? His mother is my stepmother now … and I’m the stepsister of the family. They would never accept us together.