“She’s all right. Consider this your text message, motherfucker!”

I gently placed Alex in my truck and buckled her seatbelt. “Baby, what did you do?” I murmured, sweeping all her hair away from her face, making sure it didn’t have throw up in it. It was just on her clothes and I needed to get her out of them. I got in my truck and looked at my face in the visor mirror. Not much damage, my lip was a little swollen but not enough to where Alex would notice. I took a deep breath and drove her to the only place that ever felt like home to me.

Our abandoned house.

“Mmm,” I groaned when I felt something hard beneath me. I opened my eyes to Lucas sitting above me.

“Shit. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

I laughed even though I was disoriented as all hell. “I’m thirsty.”

He handed me a bottle of water. Surprisingly it was cold. I drank half of it down in a few gulps while trying to look behind him. Everything just appeared fuzzy to me. “Where are we?” I asked, squinting my eyes.

“Our place,” he simply stated, grabbing the water and taking a few sips for himself. “How do you feel?”

“Funny,” I beamed.

“You’re drunk.”

I frowned and pouted. “Nah uh.” If I were standing, I probably would have fallen over. I decided to lie down because the ground was on the move. “What’s that smells?”

“You,” he laughed, placing a shirt by me.

“I need helps. Will you please help me’s?”

He nodded, easing me up. I immediately placed my hands on his chest. “Whoa, tell the floor to stop moving.”

He laughed again. It vibrated his entire body. He felt so good that I wrapped my arms around his torso. “You smells good and feels nice. I’m going to stay right here… mmm… kay…”

“I need to change you before you can lay down again.”

“In your arms?”

“Of course.”

I smiled into his shirt. “Mmm kay.” I hugged him tight one last time and stepped away, swaying. I closed my eyes and put my hands up above my head, and he swiftly pulled off my dress.

When I heard him hiss I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with lust and desire. I was drunk, but I could see it clear as day. I don’t know what came over me. We were in our place, our home, our safe haven.

Away from everything and everyone.

Away from the lies and the truths.

Away from expectations and insecurities.

Away from it all…

It sobered me up enough to know what I wanted.

Him.

I stepped toward him and he stepped back, shaking his head like he knew. “Don’t,” he warned, in a tone I remembered all too clear.

I stepped again, except this time I reached for the strings of my bikini top.

“Alex,” he coaxed with a look I had never seen before.

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” I stated, untying the strings to my top and then bottoms, letting it fall down my body to the ground.

I stood there in front of him with a familiar yearning in both of our intense stares.

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Exposed.

I whispered, “Make love to me. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”

I saw a look of pure unadulterated fear and confusion reflected through his stare as he looked at me. Except he wasn’t looking at my naked body like I assumed he would. His eyes never wavered from mine. They were bonded together by the severity of my words and what I wanted.

What I needed.

It all seemed to happen so fast after that.

He was over to me in one stride, roughly grabbing the back of my neck and colliding my lips with his in the most forceful and passionate kiss…

Of my entire life.

My boys were gone.

Lucas was gone.

Though Austin remained. A huge part of me was gone, too.

My innocence.

My virtue.

My virginity.

Half-Pint left with my boys. Brown eyed girl left with my Bo.

They left yesterday, and I could barely look at myself in the mirror today. There was no going back for me. I already felt lost and alone without them, without him.

I couldn’t believe I lost my virginity like that. I couldn’t believe I gave it to him so easily. I couldn’t believe it was gone.

Like them.

Like him.

Alex… Alexandra… she remained.

With a choice that I made…

With a guilt that I inflicted…

With a hurt that I caused…

With a regret…

That would forever haunt me.

“What the fuck, man?” Jacob badgered. “Come out with us.”

“I’m all right,” I yawned into the couch, channel surfing.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus Christ, Lucas, we’ve been here for almost four months and all you do is watch TV and go to class.”

I shrugged.

He took a deep breath, leaned over and turned off the TV.

“What the fuck?” I shouted.

“Exactly! What the fuck?” he repeated with his arms out in the air. “What’s your deal, man? You don’t want to do shit. We’re in college! A fraternity! Chicks throwing their pussy at you without you even giving them a second glance! What’s your problem?”

“Right now? You,” I stated, not amused.

“What happened to the Lucas from high school? The one who fucked any girl that would spread her legs for him?”

“I’m over that.”

“No shit.”

I sat up, shaking my head. “What do you want from me? I don’t get involved in your business. Do I tell you not to go out and bring home the randoms you do every night? No! I mind my own goddamn business, the same exact way you fucking should.”

“At least someone’s getting laid around here. Between Dylan fucking moping around everywhere and you with your…” he pointed at me with his hand. “Who the fuck knows, I’m dying of boredom. These are supposed to be the best years of our life.”

I arrogantly smiled with wide eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t get that memo.”

He narrowed his eyes at me and crossed his arms over his chest. “This is about Alex isn’t it?”

“Don’t talk about shit you don’t know,” I scoffed.

“I miss her, too. We all do.”

I wanted to say it was different for me. I wanted to say he didn’t understand. I wanted to say I loved her. I wanted to say a lot of things.

Mostly I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up.

“You’re going to see her in a few weeks, we will be home for Thanksgiving break.”

Nothing mattered anymore. We both lived two separate lives now, her fears becoming our reality.

“Do you think she’s sitting around as miserable as you?”

I hope so.

“When was the last time you talked to her?”

“A few weeks ago,” I muttered. We didn’t talk that often. It was easier that way.

“And what?” he added.

“She said she was fine.” And for the first time I believed her. “How often do you talk to her?” I found myself asking.

He shrugged, shaking his head. “A few times a week.”

Ouch. I tried to pretend that didn’t hurt like hell.

“Lucas, I know you and her have—”

“Don’t,” I ordered, not ready to hear what he had to share.

He cocked his head to the side and sighed. “Don’t what? What am I not supposed to say?”

“What you’ve known all along.”

We both stared at each other for I don’t how long, time just seemed to a stand still.

“I love you, Lucas. I love her, too. You’re my family. She’s like a little sister to us, she always has been. Do I need to remind you of that?” he scorned in a tone I didn’t fucking appreciate.

I leaned forward, sitting my elbows on my knees. “You mean more than you already have?” I challenged.

He jerked back. “That’s not—”

“It’s not?” I interrupted.