"What shall we do today?"

"Today?"

"Yes, today. What shall we do?"

Jake rolled over to face her. "Sorry babe, I forgot. I've - we've got to go and see my father. I completely forgot, sorry."

"Oh." Bella though for a moment, and then rallied. "Oh well, that's fine. I'm looking forward to meeting him."

"No, I mean - " Jake frowned and looked away. "When I said 'we', I meant, me and Carl. Just us."

"Oh."

Bella felt her stomach drop. It felt as if her intestines had taken a sudden swoop floorwards. What was she supposed to say?

Jake held out his arms. "I am sorry, babe. It's just - look, it's difficult, with Dad. I'll tell you about him some other time. It's just not the right time to introduce you, believe me."

Bella put her head on his chest. For a moment, she was afraid she'd start to cry. It felt like such a rejection, that he wouldn't even introduce her to his family...

"Come here. Come on - "

Jake pulled her upwards to kiss her. She let him start to touch her, made herself move and touch him back. This time, she kept her eyes closed and tried to fight down the humiliation rising like steam inside her.

She thought she'd feel better once he'd actually left but instead she felt worse. It was every party that she'd not been invited to, all over again – it was every game she'd not been picked for, every time she'd been left out. She wandered around the ground floor rooms, listlessly picking things up and replacing them, unseeing. At one point, she'd heard footsteps on the stairs - Veronica - and felt a sudden lightness of spirit, thinking she'd have someone to talk to. But the footsteps had simply crossed the hall and were replaced by the slam of the front door as Veronica left the building. Bella drooped again. For the first time since she'd moved to London, she felt lonely.

She took a long shower and dressed slowly, filling up the time. Brushing her hair, she wondered what to do. I don't know anyone in London, apart from the people in this house, she thought and felt the loneliness tighten its grip. Well, there’s always Dad of course… For a moment, she thought about making a visit to her father’s house and then as quickly dismissed it. His girlfriend Meredith would be bound to be there and it would just be too awkward and embarrassing… She wandered vaguely down the stairs and let her feet take her through the kitchen and out through the back door.

The garden was enormous. There was no other word for it. Bella stood on the terrace and gazed about her, at the long sweep of meadow that had once been a lawn, the beech tree that reared its copper-topped head into the sky, the dark tangle of undergrowth in the distance.

The concrete post that supported one end of the fence had crumbled.  Lumps of concrete had rotted from the rusted metal pole within, leaving the whole looking oddly like a modern art sculpture. The grass was as long as a hay field and it bent and flowed and gently rippled with the push of the wind. Bella waded out into it as into a green sea and stood for a moment. What a huge garden and what a waste of space… Looking around she could see the garden that it once had been, the ghost of the garden it was now. Over by the fence were the almost buried outlines of ancient flowerbeds, there an overgrown path, there a clump of bamboo. Further down the garden brambles and shrubs tangled themselves together, the earth showing dark beneath them. Almost hidden behind that, Bella spotted the wall of what looked like a garden shed. She began to walk towards it but quickly stopped, cursing as the thorns of a straggling rose caught her leg and beaded it with blood.

She retreated back to the relative safety of the patio, dabbing at her calf. The sun was blindingly bright, warm across the back of her neck, burning her scalp. I need sunglasses and sun cream, she thought and walked back to the kitchen.

"Your garden really is enormous," she said to Jake when he got home from his familial visit. They were sitting in the living room, curled around one another on the sofa. Jake had kicked off his shoes, stretched himself like a cat and drawn her into his arms. They were happy, relaxed, flirtatious with each other but at the mention of the garden, he stiffened, the muscles of his chest and arms contracting beneath her stroking hands.

"We don't go into the garden much," he said.

Bella smiled. "You don't go into it at all."

"No, well, it's not my thing. It's not our thing. We can't be arsed with all that fresh air, vegetable crap, you know."

Bewildered at the sudden tautness of his voice, Bella pushed herself a little away from him.

"Why not? It's huge out there, you could have a - a swimming pool out there if you wanted it."

"I don't want it."

He pushed himself off the sofa suddenly and Bella, despite having created a little space between them, fell forward unbalanced.

"Shit!"

Jake turned, contrite. "Sorry darling. But really, you know, I really can't be arsed with the garden. Don't you worry about it."

“I'm not worrying about it. I just think it's a waste of space, you know. Why don't you get a gardener if you don't want to do it?"

Jake's face tightened. "It's none of your business, Bella. It's not up to you what happens, or doesn't happen to this house.

“What?” said Bella, suddenly cold.

Jake flicked a glance at her and then looked away.

“It’s not up to you. It’s nothing to do with you. What happens in this house is up to three people - and I’m afraid you’re not one of them."

He sounded like Carl. Bella felt tears start to her eyes. Furious, she pushed herself into a standing position.

"Fine. You don't have to make me feel any more of an outsider than I already do."

She pushed past him, dodging his appeasing arm.

"Come on, darling..."

Fuck off. She felt the words tremble on her tongue. But no - instead of saying them, she let the door slam its own eloquent message.

Upstairs in the bedroom, Bella stared at the wall. It’s all going wrong, she thought. All we’re doing is fighting all the time… She sat down on the edge of the bed, their bed, and then lay down on her side, curling herself up, pushing her face into the pillow. She listened out for Jake, half dreading his footsteps on the stairs, half wanting him to come in. I don’t know how to cope with these feelings, she thought. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how I’m supposed to react. She felt again the loneliness that had stabbed at her earlier in the day and tears came to her eyes. She pushed her face into the pillow, snuffling.

The door to the bedroom creaked. She heard footsteps approach the bed before the mattress dipped as Jake sat down on it. She felt his warm hand on her back.

“Bella…”

Childishly, she screwed her face into the pillow, shutting him out now he had his hand on her.

“Bella – I’m sorry –“

“Go away.”

“Don’t be silly.”

He moved to lay beside her, wrapping himself around her rigid body. Bella held herself taut for a moment. Then his warmth seeped through the barricade of anger and she sighed, relaxing against him.

“We shouldn’t fight,” he whispered. His hand moved to her head, stroking her hair. “Let’s not fight. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t shut you out. I’m sorry.”

“You make me feel – sometimes you make me feel like such an outsider.”

Her voice croaked on the edge of tears and she stopped talking, begrudging him the knowledge of how upset she was. Jake’s hand moved soothingly over her hair, the tips of his fingers brushing her cheek, moving down her neck. She could feel him hardening against the crease of her buttocks and, despite herself, felt an answering pulse between her legs.