One might think that if you spent your life living for the wrong reason, then there was no point in living at all.

I had my chance to die, but I was too much of a coward to take it.

Now I’m forced to live another lie.

But this time is different.

This time it would be my own.

I looked over at the blonde who looked near to passing out. “Get out.”

* * * * *

A few hours and a couple of appointments later I stepped out of my shop and locked up for the night.

I opened Broken Ink shortly after I grew bored of being holed up, and I was convinced my brother wasn’t hot on my trail.

Di convinced me to let her tag along after telling me all about the money her father had stashed away in their home. It took careful thinking, but after pulling the caper, we walked away with a fifty-fifty split.

Since I didn’t graduate due to my lengthy stay in the hospital, I settled for a GED and later, a license for the shop.

In the beginning, business was nonexistent. In a big city, it paid to have connections, and the only customers gracing my shop back then were friends of Di. I never thought that doing cheap tats for her friends would pay off until I hit the jackpot by doing some very serious ink for an aspiring band who hit it big six months later. It worked out for me that part of their sex appeal came from the hardcore tats that had all of California and even people out of state rushing to my shop. The boom in business made me forget the reality that I was running because none of these people knew me.

I gave them all a fake story and even more of a fake name, and while I knew my cover wasn’t airtight, it worked so long as I didn’t give anyone a reason to dig.

But it wasn’t them I was worried about. It was everyone I left behind. Knowing my brother, he would look for me because of who he is, but after what I’d done the night I left, I wouldn’t bet on it unless it was to kill me.

He was a vengeful person and no one knew that better than his former pet turned girlfriend.

She was the reason he would come after me if he ever did because four years wasn’t nearly long enough for him to forget what I had done. I wondered what he would do if he knew Lake wasn’t the only one I’d hurt that night? Keiran had never been the knight in shining armor, but even then, I could see the change that Lake had caused in him.

Instead of happiness for my brother and a girl I once called a friend, all I felt was envy and anger. I once believed in my own way that love might have been real until it was shattered the night I met my real father and found out my brother, who I knew as my cousin all my life, killed my mother. Our mother.

Love faded that day.

And when Sheldon turned her back on me, it died completely.

My phone pinged with an incoming text message. It was a Friday night so I already knew what the message held without looking at it. Another invite to a party guaranteed to end with fucked up life choices being made.

And like always, I’d accept without ever answering the invitation.

And why not? I was free to do so. I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I didn’t have to care what anyone thought.

And even more tempting, I didn’t have to feel guilty for hurting anyone but myself.

Most of the people who frequented these parties were either escaping pain or looking for it. I was just another body in a world full of sin that didn’t fit in either category.

The text message, when I finally read it, held an address and nothing else. It didn’t take long for the hosts, or whoever extended the invitation, to catch on to the fact that I would never respond, so after a while, they would only send an address.

If I showed, I showed. If I didn’t… well, I always did.

Being alone was never good for long. I’d had enough of that growing up. I craved contact. I needed attention. I demanded to be noticed.

I laughed silently first, and then out loud when I remembered on more than one occasion Lake saying that I was an attention whore. She saw right through me, so I had no choice but to befriend her. I didn’t anticipate actually caring about her. I didn’t show it the last time I saw her, but I never really wanted to hurt her. Just my brother.

I may seek attention, but that didn’t mean it filled the void. It was more like a temporary fix that I quickly became addicted to—it was part of the reason I was still searching.

I hopped on my bike, and when it roared to life, I sped off for a night of darkness and sin.

* * * * *

The address took me to a seedier part of town that even the cops gave a wide berth. It was a wonder how many of the city’s elite would be caught dead in a place like this, mixing with scum. I toed the line between the two classes.

A row of houses, each in worse shape than the one before it, were littered with partygoers coming and going. I picked one to park my bike in front of.

“Chris! Welcome to the party, man!”

The voice came from my left, and by the time I dismounted, he was on me. Keith was a big time dealer who liked to host parties to scout out potential clientele and competition. There was more than one occasion when a party ended badly due to a shootout or a druggie overdosing. In fact, it was the very type of situation that resulted in our friendship three years ago. I saved him from a few stick-up kids, and he repaid me by sending me fresh clientele and invitations to his parties. More often than not, I would bring my business here and do a few tats for extra cash—not that I really needed it.

“What’s up, bro? You got the party started without me?” I teased as we slapped hands. He strategically managed to push a beer in my other hand. I wasn’t usually the beer drinking type, but these days, I began to care less and less.

“We always get the party started without you. You show up when you feel like it. If we waited for you, it would be time to end it before it ever got started.”

“Haven’t you ever heard that a true party doesn’t stop?”

“Yeah, well, it would be kind of hard not to stop when everyone is passed out drunk from booze and buzz.”

“So why out here? This isn’t your usual kind of spot.”

“Man, the pigs have been sniffing around my shit so I had to change it up. Besides, I’ve been hearing about a smaller dealer around these parts that wanted to take my spot.”

“You know one day your shit is going to catch you by the collar, right?”

“And when it does, at least I’ll be able to say I lived my life the way I chose. How many people do you know who can say that besides me and you?”

“If you say so, man,” I agreed half-heartedly. In truth, Keith was dying. His path of self-destruction would lead him to one of two places—the grave or prison. But was I any better? I may not indulge, but I was no better than the rest because I chose this life.

Di had warned me just about every day how easy it was to get sucked into the fast life, but what she didn’t know was I never do anything I didn’t want anymore.

The last time I did, it cost me everything.

At least now, if I woke up tomorrow and decided I wanted a completely different path, I would take that road, but until then, I lived for today and today only.

“So what brought you by tonight?” Keith asked, forcing my attention back to him. “Bitches, booze, or buzz?”

“Boredom.”

“Ah.” He’d gone quiet as he looked over the party and sipped on his beer. After three years of friendship, he knew not to push the issue. It was common knowledge that I never indulged at these parties beyond alcohol.

I was content to stand here and people watch for the rest of the night until Keith’s crew staggered over with their groupies in tow.

A chorus of drunken greetings from the guys and sexy smiles meant to seduce from the girls interrupted the silence. Keith snapped his fingers at someone I couldn’t see, and not long after, lawn chairs were brought over. I was handed one and wasted no time kicking back.