He left for the bedroom, and I went back to the room in which I had last been alone with Bobby. Makeup and items from the vanity were still scattered on the floor. I sat in front of it and looked at myself in the mirror. I was nervous. I had gone from never having sex to having to fake the loss of my virginity with my new husband within the span of 24 hours. I dropped my head into my hands as I sighed, and that's when my eyes caught the ring. The one I had dropped and Bobby had retrieved. The token of love and commitment from someone to whom I could never return the favor. I smiled when I saw the pretty thing and picked it up, gently pressing it to my lips in Bobby's stead. I grabbed a handkerchief and rolled it up, slipping it into a jewelry box. Then I changed out of my dress into a fresh slip, unpinned my hair, spritzed on some jasmine perfume, and made my way to the bedroom.

The Livelys were blessed with good genes. Rory was attractive. But the prospect of lying with my own husband made me feel as though I was being unfaithful to Bobby.

I slowly opened the bedroom door and Rory stopped unbuttoning his cuffs when he caught sight of me. He looked handsome, his hair a little out of place and the top of his shirt already undone. “I know I keep saying this, but you look beautiful. I am a very lucky man.”

He made his way over to me, softly gripping the back of my neck and pulling me in for a kiss. At first I stiffened in response to his touch, but then I relented. I was torn between my feelings towards Bobby and my carnal curiosity about sex with Rory. After all, he and I had battled not to go this far. It wasn't like we never wanted to. In fact, I hoped that I would be overcome with passion for Rory. Then I would know I made the right choice.

Rory placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Don't be nervous,” he uttered against them.

I nodded. But I was. I was afraid as soon as he entered me, he would know that I had already given myself to another man.

He slid his hand along the silky, lavender-hued fabric of the nightgown and pulled me close to him. I felt how hard he already was, how much he yearned for me. “I'll try to make sure it doesn't hurt, okay?”

I nodded.

He ran his hands along the mound of my backside, gripping me. “You're so soft,” he cooed.

I smiled at the warmth in his green eyes.

He ran his middle fingers under the straps of the nightgown and pulled them away from my shoulders, then down, just enough to expose my breasts. He kissed one on the tip, then around it, up my neck.

“Here,” he said, taking my hand and pressing it against his bulge. “Look how hard you've made me.”

Holding him in my hand awakened a stirring in between my legs.

“Take it out,” he asked.

I unbuttoned his pants and slid them down. He popped up, eager to finally feel what it was like to be inside of me.

“It would help if you put your mouth on it,” he suggested. I had used my hands on Rory before, but never my mouth. In fact I had never used my mouth like that before. Bobby didn't ask, he gave, and I didn't have the experience to initiate it.

I looked up at him innocently, licked my lips, and knelt like an obedient wife.

“All you have to do is put your mouth on it and go up and down. No teeth,” he instructed. He took my hand and placed it around the base of his shaft. “You can do it with your hand at the same time.”

I cautiously wrapped my lips around him and followed his directions. He filled my mouth with his desire, rocking gently back and forth to assist my pace. Tears filled my eyes as he reached the back of my throat.

“Just like that,” he encouraged in a low voice.

Rory grew even more in my mouth before stopping. He helped me to my feet and pulled down the rest of my nightgown so that I was exposed, but he was still mostly clothed. I motioned at his shirt, and he assisted by pulling it off and completely ridding himself of his pants and underwear. Rory was a lacrosse player and his fit, athletic body was something to behold. He took my hand and led me to the bed, where he guided me onto my back.

His erection was still wet from my mouth as he crawled over me. I opened my legs to receive him. Bobby was still there, in the back of my thoughts, just as he had always been. But right now, I was alone lying naked with my husband, and that could be my only concern.

Rory pushed himself in as if I was a virgin, inching his way inside of me. It still hurt, as I had only had sex a few times before, and unlike Bobby, he didn't use his fingers or mouth to ready me. I think he liked hearing my uncomfortable gasps as he forced his way into me. I dug my fingers into his back and clung to him. But after the first few thrusts, the discomfort subsided, and it felt good to have him inside of me, filling me.

“Lilly, oh baby . . .” he grunted into my ear. “You have the tightest little peach,” he muttered into my neck as he rocked back and forth inside of me.

And then he let out a great sigh, his body contracting and relaxing.

Rory collapsed onto my naked body, a thin layer of perspiration between us, and closed his eyes. I wondered if he would look to see if I bled. But I wasn't some medieval queen. Rory trusted me. And he would have been right to had things not drastically changed yesterday.

He kissed me softly. “That was amazing, Lilly. You were so good.” He brushed my cheekbone with his thumb, rolled over, and fell asleep.

Summer 1957

The air conditioner didn't help me sleep after Rory had stormed out of our house. I laid awake in the bedroom, the low rumble of the cooling unit now replacing the ticking of the clock. I felt that I was close to the edge of something, teetering like I was balancing on the ledge of a building. But I didn't know which way to swing my arms or legs to regain balance. Every choice would lead to falling.

I knew I was close to losing Bobby again, and yet, I didn't trust my own instincts to beg him to run off with me. Bobby had been gone for seven years, he had only been back for a little over three weeks. Was that enough time to be sure? To get up and walk away from my current life? Because that was what we would have to do. We would have to start over. We would lose friends and family. We would be breaking an unbreakable rule.

Late into the night, I heard Rory pulling in. My stomach churned with anxiety. He probably got even drunker. But he didn't come into the bedroom right away. Instead I heard two deep voices reverberating through my door. I cracked the bedroom door open, and heard Bobby and Rory talking downstairs.

Rory was especially coherent. He must have left to sober up instead of drink. Though that was a good thing, it wasn't enough. Rory always did just enough to keep me around, but he always stopped there.

“I know, man,” Rory said to Bobby. “I'm trying. I slipped up today. I didn't think she'd be so mad about the move. It happens all the time! Husbands move their families around. I'm trying to give her a better life.”

“Ro, have you ever really asked her what she wants? Not what you think is a better life for her, but what she thinks is missing?” It was bizarre to hear Bobby counseling his brother about our relationship. I sympathized with how hard this must be for him, both wanting the best for Rory and what was best for himself. I understood why he didn't like who he was becoming. Every word, every hug, every kind gesture towards Rory was stained with our betrayal. Everything Bobby said or did was laced with the poison of a lie so big, that eventually it would consume their brotherhood. What was best for one brother, was devastation for the other. Bobby was faced with an impossible choice when giving Rory advice: betray his brother or himself.