“Bobby, she doesn't know what she wants.”

I did. The problem was Rory could never provide it. He was fighting a battle he had no chance of winning.

“Maybe she's scared to tell you.”

“You know, I had a memory I hadn't thought of in a long time.” Rory changed the subject.

“What's that?” Bobby asked.

“Remember when we were . . . I guess you'd have been seven and I was eight. We would go deep into the forest to climb the thick, old trees? I fell off the tree and broke my ankle.”

“Oh yeah. It's foggy, but I do.”

“The thing was just bent and ugly.”

“Yeah. That I can't forget.”

“And you, for some reason, you didn't want to leave me alone to get help. So you made me piggyback onto you. And you carried me home. I was just a mess. Hurt like hell.”

“Yeah. I did do that, didn't I?” Bobby recalled.

“Yeah you did,” Rory said.

I waited for Rory to add to the story. To interpret it in some way. Maybe ask Bobby why six years ago, he did leave Rory behind. Or for Bobby to ask for more details about the day he carried the full weight of his brother on his back through the unforgiving terrain. A feat for any boy, but a seven-year-old? That's a heroism far beyond his years. But they didn't say anything for several seconds.

Finally Bobby spoke. “I should head to bed. I have a long day tomorrow.”

“I do too. Actually, I'm going to go out of town for a few days. Last minute business.”

“Oh, you just found out?”

“Yeah, some customers in Illinois.” Rory sounded annoyed. The trip was news to me. The guilt I felt over hearing the two brothers bond was tempered by the possibility of more alone time with Bobby.

I slid back into the bedroom and laid in the bed, pretending to sleep.

Minutes later, Rory came in quietly, undressed and slid into bed with me.

“I'm sorry, Lilly” he whispered. It was low, and I don't think his intention was to wake me, so I didn't respond. He turned away and went to sleep.

By the time I got to the kitchen the next morning, both Rory and Bobby were up and moving. I dreaded walking in and facing them after the tense events of the night before.

“Morning,” Bobby greeted me as I entered the kitchen. Rory was sitting with the paper.

“Morning,” I replied.

“Lilly, I have to go out of town. Been called on some last minute business,” Rory announced.

“Okay,” I replied, without a hint of protest. I couldn't even feign surprise. What I was more interested in was Bobby being fully dressed and his rucksack sitting beside his chair at the table.

“You want some toast, Lil?” Bobby asked.

“No . . . actually I'll have a piece if you're making some.” I worked my way over to the coffee, preparing myself to ask the question. I had to do it with the same amount of detachment I felt about Rory's business trip, when inside, my thoughts were swirling with countless scenarios.

I blew into the steamy mug. “You going somewhere?” I jutted my chin at the bag.

“He's going to do a little traveling,” Rory interjected. “I begged him to stick around a while longer, but you know Bobby and his wanderlust—”

“I'll stay in touch,” Bobby added. “I'm just heading west for a bit. I need to figure out what I'm going to do next.”

My chest tightened as if an invisible force was clenching it from the inside. “Oh,” I said. “Well, don't be a stranger, you know.”

“I made sure to make him promise to call at least once a week,” Rory said.

“How long?” I asked.

“A couple of months.”

“And after that?”

“Depends,” Bobby replied.

I looked down at the coffee to take a sip, and noticed the dark liquid sloshing from my trembling hand. I put the cup down on the counter to hide my physical response. Bobby watched the whole thing with sorry eyes as Rory tended to his breakfast. This couldn't be happening. Not again. Bobby couldn't just sweep in and give me a taste of the life I was meant to have and then snatch it away like a thief. I knew things weren't perfect. I knew I had a choice to make. But I didn't trust Bobby's words. I didn't trust I would ever hear from him. It felt like he was dying on me all over again.

“When do you head out?” I asked.

“I'm not in a rush,” Bobby replied. With Rory's back to me, he gave me a subtle nod. A knowing look in his eyes told me there was more to the story. The anxiety of Bobby leaving shifted to nervous anticipation. I wanted an explanation. I wouldn't get that if he left before Rory. I hoped Bobby would linger after Rory left, but I just didn't know. Last night before I went to bed, both Lightlys would be here for the week, and now both were leaving. It was like I was waking up to a different world.

“So where are you headed, hon?” I asked Rory as I picked apart my piece of toast. I couldn't afford to spend my emotions on still being angry at him while I was cashing them all in on Bobby and his surprise departure.

“Illinois. I'll be back Thursday.” He wiped his hands over his plate. “I should go.” He stood up and grabbed his bag. “I'll call when I get there tonight.” He kissed me on the top of the head as I sat in my fog of uncertainty.

Rory made his way over to Bobby, who was leaning against the counter. “Bobby, you don't know how glad I am to have you back. Never be a stranger again,” he said. “We're all we've got.”

“Love you, brother,” Bobby replied. “Always remember that.”

They embraced heartily and Rory headed for the door, looking back one last time at his brother before stepping out the front door.

I thought when he left I would have a million questions. But all I felt was the burning sting of betrayal, so blazing, that it incinerated every thought before it could leave my lips.

“Lil—”

“Don't.” I replied, fighting back the tears. “You don't get to do this twice. You didn't even have the decency to tell me first,” I said through tight lips.

“I thought you'd be up before Rory like you usually are. I wanted to tell you first.”

“When did you decide?”

“Last night. After talking to Rory when he came back. After what we did in this house, I can't keep living here, pretending like it's all fine. Lying to his face every day. And I can't watch you and Rory destroy each other. None of this is right.”

“So you're going to run?” I asked, staring at the mangled pieces of toast on my plate.

“Lil, look at me.”

“No. I can't.” If I looked at Bobby, I would burst.

“Lil—”

“No. Just go. Slip away and vanish like you did last time, you coward. Let me deal with the pain—”

“I want you to come with me.”

I turned in my seat to face him. “What?”

“I thought about this. A lot. And, I want you to come with me. When I left, I kept telling myself that I did what was best. I let Rory win. I let you go. And I couldn't even stand to be around you. I wanted that life I gave away to my brother that badly. But I found solace knowing I did the right thing. That I hurt, but when I would see you both again, I would come here and you would be happy. That's all I needed to see. Then I would be able to deal with the constant ache of missing you. Never did I think I would come back to this. You and Rory were a mistake. He's not the person I thought I left you with—” He looked down, almost ashamed to judge Rory. “Or maybe he was, but you two have brought out the worst in each other.” He stepped closer to me. “Because it wasn't right. It was supposed to be us. And I can't go back and change the horrible decision I made, stepping aside while you married my brother, but I can change things now.”

“I—I don't know what to say.”

“You know what to say. Stop living in this lie.”

“It's so sudden. I don't know how to even start.”