“Nearly two years. It’s rented. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to be when I split from James. I’ve been so busy; I’ve just stayed.” She came back into the living room with two glasses of wine. We hovered in front of the sofa before taking a seat next to each other.

“You okay?” she asked. Perhaps I looked pale.

“Yeah, good, you?” My heart was thudding against my breastbone and the weight of expectation lingered between us. She handed me a glass, linked our free hands together and smiled at me. I squeezed her hand and rubbed my thumb over her knuckles. I needed to stop being a pussy and kiss her. “You look really pretty.” I meant it. She was a gorgeous girl, and her kindness made it all the more true.

I took her glass and placed our wine on the table. I cupped her face and leaned into her, pressing my lips against hers. Immediately she moaned, opening her mouth, leading me forward. I slid my tongue across her bottom lip. She was warm and open and really wanted this. Her hands pushed up my chest and fiddled with the top button of my shirt. An image of Ashleigh flashed into my mind. She’d done the same thing the night of the awards ceremony. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to get rid of the thought of her.

I rose up on my knees and gently moved Fiona to her back, and crawled over her. Her legs parted as I fit myself between her thighs. I held her waist with one hand. I tried to remember whether or not Ashleigh had felt like this under me, then realized that was the last thing I should be thinking about.

Fiona’s fingers were at my shirt again, and she started to undo the buttons, stroking the exposed skin as she went. I delved deeper into her mouth, pushing my tongue against hers, my hand still at her waist, wondering if I should be moving higher or lower.

With my shirt undone, Fiona’s attention turned to my belt buckle, and the reality of the situation crashed around me. When she sensed the tension in my body, her fingers stilled. I pushed up on my knees, then turned and sat down. “I’m sorry,” I said.

She sat up on her elbows. “God, no. I’m sorry. Was I moving too fast?”

I scrubbed my hands down my face and stood. “No, this is . . . It’s me. I’m . . .”

She swung her legs round. I could feel her looking at me.

“I thought . . .” she started.

“Yeah, I did and then . . . Crap. I’m so sorry; I can’t do this.” She was a lovely girl. Pretty, funny, good company.

She just wasn’t Ashleigh.

Ashleigh was the only person I wanted touching me. Ashleigh was the only person I wanted underneath me. I wasn’t ready to be moving on to anything else, wasn’t ready to settle for someone who wasn’t her. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.

“This?” she asked me. “Is it too fast?”

“God, Fiona, I’m really, really sorry.” I turned to face her. “You’re a lovely girl. Really. I like you. I just don’t think this,” I said, indicating between us, “is right, for me. I think I’m not over things with . . .”

“Emma.”

I didn’t correct her, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. I hadn’t been in love with Emma all these years. “I don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t have . . . I thought—”

“Don’t. Maybe I pushed. I liked you and I wanted you to like me as much.”

The last thing I wanted was for her to blame herself. “I do like you; you’re great. Really, you are. This is just me. I think I need to work out what I want.” I wasn’t being truthful. Being with Fiona, who was so right for me in so many ways, just showed me how Ashleigh was perfect for me. It was more complicated and we had way more to lose, but Ashleigh was worth it.

“Is it too soon? Do we just need to slow down?” she asked.

It would be easier if I said yes. But I couldn’t lie to her.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t think this is going to work. But I don’t want you to think it’s anything to do with you.”

She stood and forced a smile. “It’s not you, it’s me?” She lifted an eyebrow. I shook my head. It sounded like an excuse, but it was true.

“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t say it often enough, and I meant it every time. “I wanted this to work. I mean it should work. I like you; I really do. I’m just in love with someone else, and I’m not ready to give up on that. I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Her gaze was fixed to the floor, more disappointed than angry. I wished I’d got to where I was earlier, without hurting her.

“Can we still be friends?” I really enjoyed her company, and I’d liked getting to know someone new. As I got older, I’d retreated into old habits and friendships. I hadn’t realized how much until I’d started hanging out with Fiona and training for the triathlon. “I really like you. Honestly. And I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. You’ve helped me see more of the world. I don’t want to lose that.”

“You’re going to have to give me a bit of time on that.” She folded her arms, creating a barrier between us. “I know you’re not a bad person, and you can’t help who you love. I just need to regroup.”

I nodded, kissed her on the head and left.

I knew where I needed to be.

Luke

Nerves jangled with determination in my stomach, threatening to spill the coffees that I was carrying. It was early on a Sunday morning. The combination of the two meant I was very likely about to have my bollocks chopped off and handed back to me by a sleepy Ashleigh, but at least I’d have had coffee. I couldn’t and wouldn’t spend another second without her. I’d wasted enough years failing to see what was right in front of me. I wasn’t waiting any longer.

The night before with Fiona had brought things into focus. Even nice, comfortable, pretty Fiona wasn’t enough. She simply wasn’t Ashleigh.

Ashleigh was the one, and I was done waiting. I’d been prepared to be patient, for her to be convinced of my feelings for her, but as time went on, I couldn’t help but think maybe she didn’t trust her own feelings. Maybe I had to hold her hand so we could take a leap of faith together.

I took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer to Ashleigh’s flat.

I waited. No answer. She was probably still in bed.

I pressed again. Still no answer. What if she was in bed with someone else? It hadn’t occurred to me, but she might have gotten back together with Richard, or met someone else she liked better. Someone she wanted to get married to and have kids with. Panic started to crawl over me, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I pressed the buzzer again. I’d just have to convince her that they weren’t right for her. That I was.

I pressed again, and this time I didn’t let go.

“What the fuck?” came a voice through the intercom. I grinned. At least she was answering.

“Let me up, Ashleigh.”

“Luke? Jesus. This better be good.”

I heard the clink of the door and pushed the entrance open.

I found myself jogging to the stairwell. A cup in each hand, I tried to keep my arms steady as I took the stairs two at a time to the third floor.

As soon as I reached her corridor, I strained my neck to see her head pop out to welcome me, desperate for my first glimpse of her, but it wasn’t until I stood on her doormat that locks started to clink behind the door.

“Coffee?” I asked, and thrust one of the cups forward.

She narrowed her eyes, but took the drink, heading back up the corridor. Was she mad I was here? Had I interrupted something, someone?

“You’re up,” I said.

“Why would you be surprised about that? Oh, yes, because it’s seven on a Sunday morning. What are you doing here?”

“You’re on your own?” I asked. “I mean, if there’s someone here, that’s fine. I’m gonna punch his lights out, but it’s okay.” I suppressed the urge to run from room to room, checking for hiding suitors.