“One of these days, I’m going to change the codes on my phone and not tell you,” I said when I answered. “I get used to whatever you set up, and then you keep switching it on me.”

His laugh made me smile. It never failed. I could always count on him to make me feel better.

“So, is it still okay? To come over, I mean. Mom’s kind of a mess, and Dr. Griffin….” My voice trailed off with my thoughts as I realized how much my stepfather had really taken care of my mom during this ordeal. He was definitely earning my respect.

“Yeah, no problem,” he replied. “I’ll see you in fifteen?”

His house was closer than that, but I didn’t want to sound overeager or desperate. I ended the call, knocked down the dusty cobwebs in the corner, and went to the bathroom for a quick once-over before I grabbed my jacket and headed out.

Chapter Twenty

I paused at the top of the steps and put my ear to the door. I could hear Jake on his guitar playing an unfamiliar tune. Just as Mia had said when she answered the front door, he was in his rehearsal space and, from the sound of it, working on a new song. He’d play a few notes, stop, and then play them again, changing things a little each time.

The doorknob turned easily, and I entered the apartment unnoticed. He was sitting with his guitar on the small couch in the corner, sheets of staff paper beside him and a pencil tucked behind his ear. I quietly shut the door behind me and leaned against the wall, watching him work.

“Let yourself go,” he sang as he strummed. “I’ll catch you when you fall. Let me stay with you tonight and forever….” He frowned and scribbled something on the paper. His hair fell into his eyes, but he was so focused, he didn’t push it away. There was something about him when he was intently focused on something, like that other night when we were studying, but even more so when he was making music. It was intense watching him play, almost mesmerizing. He was in another world, and I wanted to be part of it.

“New song?” I said.

He jumped to his feet, sending pages cascading to the ground. “Hey! Yeah.” He placed his guitar in a nearby stand and bent down to straighten the paper. “Just something I’ve been working on.” He looked up at me. “How — how long have you been here?”

“Not long. A couple of minutes, maybe.”

His shoulders relaxed, and he set the small stack of sheet music on his drum throne before he rushed over to greet me with a hug. I wrapped my arms around his middle and let myself sink into his warmth.

“Everyone’s gone?” he said when he released me.

I slowly bobbed my head. “And I’m glad. Relieved, really. I mean, you saw them. All those people and I was just like, ugh. Go away already.”

“You’re such an antisocialite.” He grinned, and I felt a smile tug at my mouth.

“No, it’s just….” I sank into the love seat with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. Like there were all these people — who probably wouldn’t be able to pick me out of a lineup — telling me how sorry they are, and everyone’s treating me like I might break or something. But like, it’s really kind of a nonevent.” I sighed. “I just want to move on already.”

He sat beside me. “I guess most people don’t think death is a nonevent.”

“Dr. Griffin’s been amazing, taking care of my mom and stuff, but he’s constantly watching me, like he’s waiting for me to fall apart or whatever. Like there’s something wrong with me for not being all upset. And then my mom. She’s like this awful, weepy mess.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had no intention of having a total vent spree, but he just nodded and took it in stride.

That was one of the greatest things about Jake. As long as I was with him, I was in a judgment-free zone.

He put his arm around my shoulders, and I rested my head against his chest. I could feel his heart beating through his flannel shirt, a steady rhythm that calmed my own racing pulse until it was in sync with his. The numbness I’d clung to over the past few days slowly began to melt.

“They’re waiting for me to react,” I said, “to feel something. And I know I’m supposed to, but I just don’t know what.”

“Don’t force it.” He reached over and pushed my hair behind my ear. “Just let the feelings come on their own.”

“But what if they don’t? Or worse, what if it’s something I can’t handle?” I looked up at him, and his mouth curved into a small smile.

“You’d be able to,” he assured me. “And I’m always here.”

For some reason, Pete’s words echoed in my head as Jake said that. People like Jake don’t show up very often, my cousin had said. It made me realize how much I needed Jake, whether or not I was ready to admit it. A solitary tear escaped from beneath my lashes, and he wiped it away with his thumb. I shivered.

“Are you okay?”

I couldn’t speak. My heart was racing again. Concern knitted his brow, even as his eyes scanned my face as though he was searching for some sort of unspoken response to his question. The only answer I wanted to give him didn’t make any sense, but I closed my eyes, leaned closer, and kissed him anyway.

And he didn’t pull away.

In fact, his response wasn’t like anything I’d expected. He cupped my cheek with his hand and kissed me back, his mouth moving slowly against mine. I held my breath as his lips caressed my bottom lip with an almost feathery softness. He was tender and gentle, letting me savor each sweet caress. There was no sense of urgency, no insatiable hunger. Jake kissed me like we had an eternity ahead of us.

“Talia,” he whispered.

The sound of my name jerked me back into reality. I pulled away in horror of what I’d just done. This was Jake, the one person I could trust with anything, the person who knew me better than I even knew myself. And I’d kissed him.

Images of my parents fighting in the foyer sprang to mind. All I could see was my mother crying as my father raged at her, and I gasped as I realized I’d just ruined everything.

Love didn’t last. I knew that. And I knew better than to risk everything for a myth. That’s why the adoration in Jake’s eyes was too much to bear. I scrambled to my feet and grabbed my keys. “I have to go.”

“What? Talia, wait!”

I threw open the door and raced down the stairs without a backward glance. “Faithfully” began to play as I climbed into the car, and I silenced my phone before tossing it into the back seat. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, but it did little to keep my hands from shaking.

At least my tears waited until I got to the stop sign at the end of his block before they betrayed me, too.

Chapter Twenty-One

Bianca’s mom probably didn’t know what to think when I showed up unannounced on the doorstep, my eyes red from my recent emotional breakdown, but she ushered me into the house anyway.

I couldn’t remember the last time Bianca had seen me cry. It might’ve been never, since the times we were kids didn’t count. So as I sat on her bed, she watched me with a curious expression as I sniffled into the wad of tissues crumpled in my hand.

She moved her trash can closer to me and offered me another tissue. “I’m going to take a wild guess here and say I don’t think you’re okay.”

I laughed, but it came out sounding like a choked sob.

“You seemed totally fine earlier today.” She sat beside me and crossed her legs into the lotus position. “What happened?”

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves before I blurted, “I kissed Jake.” I covered my mouth as if that would push the words back in.

Her eyes grew wide, and a broad grin stretched across her face. “Really?”

She was a lot less shocked than I’d thought she would be. If anything, she looked…excited.