Rolling my eyes, I grab a pillow and hug it tightly against my chest. My body trembles with fear knowing we are going to be talking about that night. Sometimes it’s easier to try and forget. Only with his piercing eyes on me, that won’t happen.

“I think about it a lot. I dream about it and all I want is to know why he picked me that night. Why did he have to do that to me? I want to see him and look him in the eyes. I want to see if he’s even sorry,” I explain, almost screaming when I tell him how I feel, “I want closure.”

“Sweetheart, you won’t get it. You heard him on the stand, he doesn’t know why he picked you and he apologized. Yeah, that was bullshit and nothing he can say or do will help, but at least you know it’s not your fault.”

“What do you mean? You weren’t there. You left already.”

He nods his head, “I was there. I was there when you took the stand and I saw you breaking down. I wanted to come see you, but Tyler was there and I knew you were okay.”

“I wasn’t, though.”

“But you will be. Baby steps.” Suddenly he’s standing before me with his hands on my face. “I’m sorry. And I need you to forgive me.”

“What?” I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s going on or what to say. I try to pull back and get space. I don’t want to be this close to him. He pulls me closer and his eyes are trained on mine.

“Tell me you forgive me. That we can be the way we used to be. I messed up so bad and I don’t’ want to do that again. I know you should hate me. You have every right to hate me. But please don’t. I can’t handle it.” I’m not sure why his words are cutting me deep. I’m sobbing in his arms and all I can hear him say is everything’s going to be alright.

“You shouldn’t have left. I needed you. We needed you.” I sob harder, gripping his tee shirt in my hands.

Pulling me back to look at him, he caresses my face and kisses my forehead, “I know. I needed you too. But I’m back and things are going to be better. Okay?” I nod, hoping he means what he says.

In the morning, I get ready and figure I have no idea what to wear on this thing with Ryan. Sending him a text, he responds with a message that included an eye roll.

Ryan: Bikini =p

Me: You’re ridiculous. Seriously please.

Ryan: Fine. You’re no fun this morning. Shorts and a shirt is fine. I’ll be there soon =)

The smile emoticon scares me. I finish getting ready and head downstairs to wait for him. Part of me still wonders about Ryan and why he’s here. Taking out my phone, I send a message to Mandy to tell her about Ryan’s unexpected homecoming.

Mandy: Ryan Scott . . . Is back . . . In NY?

Me: Yep and he’s on the way over. Care to bet why he’s back?

Mandy: Honestly, I have no idea . . . Haven’t talked to the guy for a few years . . . Could be anything. Be careful tho

Me: I know . . . I’ll be fine

Mandy: PS we need to have dinner soon

Me: I agree. I need to know more about Mystery Man AKA my BOSS!

Mandy: Shut up lol

There’s a knock on the door. I get up from the bar stool and open the door to find Ryan holding a hula hoop in his hand.

“Are you serious?”

“I sure am. I don’t joke around with bucket lists.”

He pulls me outside and we walk to my backyard. Once he’s given me my hoop and walks to the opposite side, he turns around and faces me.

“So, you know the position. Go ahead.”

“Fine,” I seethe. Putting the hula hoop around my waist, I watch Ryan skillfully move his hips and the hoop swinging. “Not fair,” I tell him.

After too many failed attempts, I throw the damn thing across the yard and pout like a child. I can do almost anything, yet moving my hips so that thing can swing is next to impossible.

“Get up, Bayleigh.” I shake my head. “Fine, sit there and pout.” He disappears and I let out a breath. I guess I’m being too ridiculous and he had enough. Suddenly, ice cold water is sprayed on me. I scream loudly and jump up. Turning around, I see Ryan holding a hose with a big grin on his face.

“Let’s go, princess. We don’t have all day.”

Cursing under my breath, I get up and shiver. I cannot believe he sprayed me with cold water. “Fine. Whatever.” I grab the hoop and try again.

Ryan stands in front of me and places his hands on my hips. “Like this,” he instructs and moves with me. Okay, this isn’t so bad, I tell myself. Ryan lets go and the hula hoop finally swings around my waist.

“Oh my gosh! I’m doing it!” I laugh and continue hula hooping. I know it’s not a big deal, but to me, it is.

“See, practice makes perfect and you have the hottest teacher,” he says, bowing in front of me. “Alright, next one is whistling. So come on, show me what you have.” I do and spit goes everywhere. Not a classy move. “Wow, okay. That’s bad. So, I want you to lick your lips and form them into the shape of a duck face.” I do as he says and feel his hands on my cheeks. “Now gently blow,” he whispers. There are lots of things going on with my body and I can’t shake them off. “Keep going.” His voice is smooth and intense. Does he have to sound this sexy? Wait. Sexy. Ryan? No. I curse myself and push the sight of him out of my head.

A few attempts and I have it. With both of us smiling, we head inside and I run upstairs to change out of my wet clothes. When I come down and head to the living room, I see him sitting down with his head in his hands.

“You okay?” I ask, touching his shoulder and sitting down next to him.

“Yeah, just tired. You mind if we cut today short?”

“No, that’s fine. Want me to come over and hang with you?” He shakes his head and gets up to walk towards the door. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, hula girl. I promise, I’m okay. I’ll catch you tomorrow, okay?”

“No problem. Feel better.” I watch him leave and get into his car. Moving back inside, I lean against the door. I can’t believe he made me do those things and didn’t give up until I did them.

Sending Tyler a good night text, I climb into bed and fall asleep. There’s still so much on my mind and I have to force myself to stop thinking.

I cry and feel his hands on my ass. “Damn girl, your ass is fucking delicious.”

“Please stop,” I beg and keep looking for anything to grab. I need to get away from him.

“You know,” he says, “the more you beg, the more I want it. So keep going.” He licks my ass cheeks and all I can do is cry, whimpering, knowing what’s going to happen.

He’s taking his time with me. I want to yell hurry up and leave, so I can be alone. I hate knowing what he’s going to do and there’s nothing I can do to stop him.

“I promise I’ll make this good for you.” I cry harder. He’s gripping my hips and holding me tight. “Tell me you’ve been a bad girl.”

“No.”

He tugs my hair, jerking my head back. His lips are near my ears, “Say it.”

“Please, I won’t tell anyone about this. Let me go. I’m begging you.”

“Say. It.”

“I’ve been a bad girl,” I whimper and feel a slap across my ass. “Stop!” I scream and feel the sharp pain of him inside me. “God, please stop!”

I sit up straight on my bed and gasp for air. The scream rips through me and it takes me a moment to remember where I am. “You’re home,” I tell myself, “you’re home and you’re safe.”

My parents burst through my door and my mom runs to me, holding me in her arms. “Honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” she frantically asks, rocking me back and forth. I hold onto her and try to steady my breathing.

“Bad dream,” I sniff and let her go, “I’m okay.”

My dad pats my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “Are you sure?”