“No. Nope. No.”

“Come on, Bayleigh. Conquer your fears.”

“Take me to the damn zoo or through a haunted house. Hell, lock me in a closet. I am not going on that death trap. Do you want me to die?”

“Come on, silly girl.” He gets out of the car and walks to my side. I am holding onto the door for dear life so I don’t have to go up in that thing. When Ryan opens the door, he quickly unbuckles me and pulls me out. I’m holding onto the seat, refusing to leave. “If you don’t let go, I’ll tickle you.”

“You wouldn’t.” He cocks his brow and his hands find my sides and tickle me. Holy shit, he’s tickling me and touching me and I’m really turned on.

“Life is about taking chances. Here’s your chance to do something you’ve never done before, Bayleigh.” Ryan lets go and holds his hand out to me. I let out a sigh and look at him. He’s right. Life is about taking chances, but I’d like to take baby steps first.

“Are you sure we’ll be safe?”

“Yes. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Okay.” Getting out of the car, I place my hand in his and we walk to the helicopter. I say a silent prayer.

Our pilot, Zion, helps us in and buckles us inside, while going over what he’s going to do and how safe we are up here. Yes, because being thousands of feet off the ground is so safe. I roll my eyes and feel Ryan’s hand on my knee. When I look at him, I see his eyes on me.

“Don’t be afraid. Remember, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Okay.”

The corners of his mouth turn up and he stares at me when Zion gets into his seat and takes off. I like how he pushes me. It’s nice not to be coddled.

“Are you going to stare at me the whole time?”

“I like to look at beautiful things,” he tells me. “You look really nice today.”

I blush, “Thank you.”

“You know,” he starts to say, “I like making you smile.”

“Why?”

“Because when you smile, there’s a slight sparkle to your brown eyes. It’s like watching the sun set. The colors are beautiful, just like your eyes dancing when you’re happy. It’s nice to see that.”

The more he talks to me, the more relaxed I am. At first I was a little nervous because I’m not sure how to act or what to say. He loves me and came back for me. What the hell am I going to do now? I look out the window and feel my heart beating out of my chest. Oh shit, we’re really high up. I can’t believe this is happening. Quickly, I shut my eyes. Then I feel Ryan’s hand run down my arm and his fingers lace through mine.

“Breathe, Bayleigh. It’s going to be okay. Whenever you’re ready, open your eyes.” His voice is calm and soothing. I need him to keep talking.

“Keep talking, please.”

“Hold my hand.” I do as he says and squeeze his hand. “Good girl. Breathe in and out. You’re doing a great job. Whenever you’re ready, open your eyes and look at me.” I turn my head and slowly open my eyes. “There’s my brown eyed beauty. Are you okay?”

“Feeling a little better,” I whisper.

He strokes the top of my hand with his thumb. “Good. Keep looking at me and when you can, turn around and look outside. You’re missing a great view.”

I inhale through my nose and hold my breath, slowly turning around and letting my breath go through my lips. He’s right. The view is amazing. We’re flying over the lake and it’s beyond beautiful.

“Wow! Oh my god! Ryan I’m flying. I’m high in the air. Oh,” I sigh, “you’re right. It’s so beautiful.”

“Yeah, so beautiful,” he mutters softly. Heat rises in my cheeks. I’m not sure if he’s talking about the view or me.

After the helicopter ride, we head out for dinner and both of us are craving sushi. We decide on the same restaurant we went to before for lunch and are seated after waiting a few minutes. My head is still light from the ride and my adrenaline is kicking. I still can’t believe I did that. Part of me is happy and I feel better.

When he drops me off at home and walks me to the door, I lean on my tippy toes and gently kiss his cheek. We stand in front of one another for a moment and it seems perfect. I’m still not sure how to register everything and I need to understand what’s going on.

His hand rests on the small of my back. “What was that for?”

“Thank you for today. I had a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad you did.”

We say goodnight and I watch Ryan walk home. He doesn’t look back. I don’t know why I feel a little hurt. Instead of going in, I sit on the swing, watching his house, wondering what he’s doing. The fascination I have for Ryan is driving me crazy. This shouldn’t be happening.

But it is.

“Honey where are you off to?”

“Morning Mom,” I go up and kiss her cheek. “Just going to hang out with Ryan. Not sure what we’re doing today.”

“Ryan, huh?”

“Yes,” I tell her, “is that okay?”

“How’s Tyler doing?”

It’s not that she asked how he’s doing. It’s her tone. She’s giving me a look and it’s making me mad. The kink of her brow and the way her eyes are on me. The judgment she’s expressing is making me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Yes, Tyler is the love of my life and yes, we’re trying to work things out. Ryan’s my best friend and I care very much about him. I admit I’m very confused about my feelings. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s around and keeping me busy and it’s strictly friends or if there’s something more. But, for now, with Tyler gone, I need to spend time with Ryan and figure it all out. The difference between the Scott brothers is that Ryan is pushing me and making me face my fears. We’re going through my bucket list and he’s peeling back the layers. He’s not afraid to hurt my feelings and when I look into his eyes, I see me. Then the other part of it is the secret he’s hiding from me. Even though we haven’t talked about it, he’s going to have to talk about it sooner or later, preferably sooner before Tyler comes home.

“Mom, it’s Ryan. We’ve been best friends for so long. Why are you worried?”

My mom doesn’t answer. She keeps herself busy, making my dad lunch, and doesn’t look at me anymore.

“Mom?”

“When I look at you I see Tyler, honey. I don’t want you to forget who he is and what he’s done for you.” I honestly don’t appreciate the emphasis on her words and it’s really starting to bother me. “When two people love each other the way you and Tyler do, a relationship shouldn’t be hard.”

“It’s not that. Mom, it’s hard for me to be close to anyone, let alone him. Don’t you get it?” She doesn’t answer me. “Mom, I was raped.” As soon as I say it, she winces and closes her eyes. “My life will never be the same. I want to be sure I’ll be good enough for him. Please understand.”

My mom doesn’t say anything. Instead, she stops making dad’s lunch and comes over to me. Pulling me in for a hug, I feel her tight arms around me.

“I have to go.” She nods and kisses the top of my head before letting me go. I don’t look at her. Grabbing my purse, I head over to Ryan’s house and walk inside, up the stairs to his room. I hear music playing from his room and walk inside to see him sitting down against the wall with a frame in his hand.

“Hey,” I say, walking in and joining him on the floor. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I haven’t felt this good in a while,” he turns and smiles at me. Putting down the picture, he takes my hand. “Let’s head out to the lake house.”

The drive to Canandaigua is quiet. We listen to music and I notice how focused he is while driving. I wonder what he’s thinking about, if he’s thinking about anything at all. There’s a lot going through my head and I wonder if he’s feeling the same. It really shouldn’t matter because I know who I love and who I want to be with. When he comes home, I’m going to tell him I want him back. And I’m only here with Ryan because we’re friends and it’s only confusing because they’re twins and when I’m with Ryan I think of Tyler. That’s the only thing I can think that makes sense. I love Tyler. Forever.