She laughs and I enjoy that feeling of putting the smile on her face and the laugh in her chest. It’s the best feeling in the world, better than making love, because she’s happy and when she’s happy, that means she’s that much closer to being mine again.

“Cheat day,” she winks, licking her lips, “I want everything.”

We put in our orders and talk about California and New York City. When I mention Serena randomly during our conversation, her eyes tilt and I know that resting bitch face look. I use Serena as leverage to get a rise out of her. I’m not trying to be a douchebag or an asshole. Serena knows this, but Bayleigh doesn’t. So I continue to drop her name hoping it will cause a spark of jealousy and bring her back to me.

“Yeah, Serena and I went hiking before I left and tried out this new club with a few friends. It was actually a lot of fun. She wants to come out and visit. What do you think?”

“Whatever you want. She sounds like a lovely girl.” Bayleigh smiles and adverts her eyes to the paper in front of her. She takes a blue crayon and doodles. I sit back and watch her, like I’ve done so many times before. Sometimes we don’t need words. Just sitting here with her, watching what she loves to do, is simple and meaningful.

After we’re done eating, I drive back home. Part of me wants to spend more time with her and the other part wants distance. It’s still not easy being her friend.

“Thanks again for today,” she smiles and unbuckles her seatbelt.

“Yeah no problem.” I do the same and follow her from my house to hers.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Walk me back to my house,” she says without looking at me, “it’s not that far of a walk. I’ll be fine.” I hear a hint of annoyance in her tone. I don’t get it. We were fine today and laughing. Why is it a big deal? She doesn’t look at me and it stings a little too much.

“Fine,” I walk backwards, “have a good day.”

And just like that, my decision to go back to California for work is easier.

Me: Looks like I’ll be back in Cali. I’ll text Brian in a few

Serena: Sounds good. Can’t wait to see you again . . . Things turn out bad with her?

Me: Of course . . . That’s how it is between us. Shit will never change

Serena: It’ll be okay . . . Just give it more time. You can’t expect her to come crawling back to you even though that’s what you want. Everything happens for a reason

Me: Yeah I guess

Sitting at home, I’m randomly flipping through channels, trying to get my mind off today, and decide nothing’s working. Not wanting to sit around the house, I grab my keys and head downtown to meet the guys. It’s been a while since I’ve hung out with them and a night out is what I need to rid my mind of Bayleigh.

Walking in, my friends see me and cheer.

“Tyler fucking Scott,” my best friend Joe shouts coming over, handing me a beer and giving me a man hug. “Bro, I’m surprised you’re out now. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” I agree, “just got back from NYC with my mom. About to head back to Cali soon.”

“Living the dream. So what’s up?”

We talk for a little and I catch him up about work, doing my best to avoid any mention of Bayleigh.

“Have you heard from Ryan?” Antonio, another good friend of mine, asks.

I ball my fists and finish my beer, following three shots of tequila. Shaking my head I look up and answer. “Na, and I don’t fucking plan on it. That loser is dead to me.”

“Still got bad blood between the two of you?”

“The hate isn’t going away,” I tell the guys. “You don’t pull the shit he does and expect to be forgiven.”

“Man, I don’t know how you can hold a grudge against him,” Joe states. “I get it. He fucked up and all, but sometimes you got to let it go.”

“Not happening.” Ryan will never be forgiven. That asshole is the reason that Bayleigh’s messed up. Not only do I blame Tony, but I blame Ryan. He had one thing to do that night and he couldn’t do it.

I order another round for us and the night goes on. After drinks at Murphy’s Law, we head down the street to a club called ONE. It’s pretty busy tonight and we see a few more friends from high school.

Ordering another round of drinks, I feel soft hands stroking my back. I turn around and see Cherie smiling at me.

“Well, well, looks who’s out to play.”

I smile back and give her a hug. “What’s up girl? What’s new?”

“Nothing. In town visiting my parents. You?”

“Same.” I hand her a drink and tell the bartender to keep my tab open, “I’m heading back to Cali soon though.”

“Nice. Looks like you’re doing bigger and better things.”

“You too. I saw your status about traveling to Italy for a fashion show.”

She blushes and looks away. Back in high school we were all pretty good friends, then college came and we tried keeping in touch. If it wasn’t for Facebook or Instagram, I’d have no idea what my friends were doing.

“Thanks. I’m excited and scared. Hey, how’s Bayleigh? You know I tried reaching out to her and never heard anything back.”

“Yeah,” I rub the back of my head, “she’s hanging in there. She doesn’t really talk to anyone. Shit, she barely talks to me.”

“Fuck, I thought the both of you would be married or something by now. I remember the two of you in high school. Class couple, Prom King and Queen. The perfect couple.”

I wince and turn back to order a shot. I needed more to get the memories out of my head. The bartender hands me my shot and I drink it fast.

“Yeah, shit happens,” I answer.

“I’m sorry, Tyler. If you ever need to talk, let me know,” she says, rubbing my arm.

“I smell skanks all over,” a familiar voice makes me look up and I shake my head, slowly pulling away. “Get out of here slutbag,” Mandy orders and Cherie rolls her eyes.

“Talk to you soon,” she winks at me and walks away.

“You’re back and already the skanks are cornering you, I see.”

“Hello to you too, beautiful.” I give Mandy a hug and we walk to an empty table in the corner. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Yeah well, here I am. The girls wanted to go out before our Cabo trip, which by the way, the lovely Bayleigh decided against.” She groans, “We had dinner the other night. She looks good, Ty.”

“She did and then apparently walking her to the fucking door is offensive and she lost her shit. Today was great, and then she copped an attitude with me,” I explain. “So I’m heading back to Cali. I might as well move there, since almost every time she sees me, it’s bad.”

“Tyler, is that the best thing?” I nod. “You sure?” I nod again.

I can’t keep playing this cat and mouse game with her. She knows how I feel and I know how I feel. There’s no one else for me. The way she looks at me is something I’ve never been able to explain. Seeing her today, and that fucking smile, and that fucking body. I went home and jerked off. Images of her lips on me, and whispering my name, fucks with my head. I remember the way she felt when I was inside her. The warmth around my cock and her little moans. My girl wasn’t quiet and she loved hearing me tell her what I wanted. When we were together, I was in control and she gave me everything I desired. Whenever I see her, that’s all I can see and feel. The sexual desire I have for her and wanting her to be mine again. Her lips. Her eyes. That ass of hers. Everything is mine, even if she doesn’t see it that way.

“She’s not ready for me to be back and that’s fine. I’m good. Trust me. I’ve been without her for a year, what’s a little more time or forever?” I laugh, “It’s not like I haven’t tried to move on.”

“Have you?”

“Yeah and every time I take a girl out, I see Bayleigh. She’s in my head and I can’t shake her.”

“You know what they say,” Mandy pauses, “if you can’t shake the one you love, then maybe you’re not supposed to.”