“It would be best if you did.”

“I know,” she replied, grabbing one of my belt loops. The heat pouring off her was instantly absorbed by my body, turning me on to an uncomfortable state. “I wish I could stay away, Kace. I told myself I didn’t need you, that I should move on, but I see the trouble in your eyes, the hurt, the need for someone to save you, and for the life of me, I can’t walk away from that.”

Did she know I secretly wanted her to save me? Could she see how much I needed her? Begged for her at night? Could she really see the desperation in my eyes, the heart-stopping ache I had in my chest to live a normal life?

“I know you don’t want me, Kace. I know you want to sequester yourself from the outside world. I get that, I’ve been there, but I just want you to know, no matter how many times you push me away, no matter how many times you’re awful to me, I will always be there for you. I want you to be happy, even if that means you’re not with me.”

My pulse raced in my chest. I pulled Lyla into my space by her hips. Her hand ran up my chest to my jaw where her fingers traced my rough scruff. Her fingernails ran across the bristly hair as her soft green eyes bored into my soul.

“You’re my addiction, Lyla.”

Distraught and confused, I pulled her head toward mine and gently glided my lips along hers. I was an addict, a junkie, a self-mutilator. This woman in my arms was all I’d ever wanted but everything I couldn’t have.

Blood pounded through me from the contact, and I wished in that moment God would decide to take me, because I would die a happy man. I could die feeling like the luckiest son of a bitch to grace this fucked up world.

But life wasn’t fair.

I pulled away and stared at her swollen lips. Gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous.

“It’s best if you move on, Lyla. I want you to move on.”

“How can you say that when your eyes speak another truth?”

“Because I know what’s best for you. You think you know me, you think you can handle my past, but you can’t. It’s not like there is some easy solution.”

“Excuse me?” A tall woman with brown hair walked into the room, looking a little confused. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was now past nine thirty. Shit.

I turned to Lyla and said, “Thank you for accepting me, but there is no future with me, babe. Best you move on.”

The pained look in her face gutted me once again, but I ignored the searing agony and switched my attention to the woman who’d interrupted us. Anguish ran up my spine as I tried to place the familiarity in the woman’s features.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“I’m looking for Kace Haywood.”

“That’s me. How can I help you, ma’am?”

“Mom, this place is awesome,” came a small voice. Running into the room and hugging her mom, a young girl looked up at her with adoring eyes.

My breathing stopped, my lungs seized, and my vision went dark.

It was Madeline and Linda, the family I’d destroyed.

Chapter Twenty Three

My present...

“Kace. Kace, are you okay?” Lyla shook my arm, trying to knock me out of my fog, but I couldn’t move.

I was numb, paralyzed, crippled from the sight before me. This couldn’t be real. I was living in a fucking nightmare. God wasn’t this cruel, was he?

“Kace,” Lyla called after me again.

“Mommy, I’m scared,” Madeline said, snapping me out of my stupor.

“Sorry.” I shook my head, trying to clear my disbelief. Gathering my strength, I said, “You reminded me of someone I used to know.” I lied, knowing fully well who was standing right in front of me.

Madeline visibly relaxed and gave me a giant toothless grin. Her two top front teeth were missing, freckles were scattered over her nose and cheeks, and her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, but little wisps of hair stuck to her delicate face, giving her an angelic look.

She was a beautiful child.

Assessing her quickly, I caught a glimpse of a necklace that graced her delicate neck. My heart leapt from realizing she was wearing the necklace I’d recently given her. But it wasn’t just the necklace. She was using the purse I’d given her, as well as a T-shirt that was still large on her. She was using everything I’d given her…all the fucking gifts from years past.

Not only had she received my gifts, but she’d kept them and utilized them.

In an instant I felt weak, like I couldn’t possibly stand on my legs anymore.

“Do you need some water, Mr. Haywood?” Linda asked.

“Yes,” I replied, gathering myself. “Let’s get some and talk.” I turned to Lyla and pressed a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Get out of here, babe. Go live your life.” She didn’t need to get tangled in the sick and fucked up web I was living. Confusion furrowed her brow as I walked away, trying to gather myself for the conversation I was about to have with Linda Duncan.

What could she possibly want? Did she know it was me dropping off the gifts? Had she seen me in the daylight this last time? If I hadn’t been such a drunken mess the night before, her gift would have been properly dropped off like all the other times.

Had she found out I was the one who’d killed her husband? Was she here to air out my past sin? Was she here to turn me in?

Every possible thought I could think of for her being here ran through my brain as I made my way to the water, wondering if this was my final moment before I was sentenced. I grabbed a paper cup from the dispenser next to the cooler and poured myself some water. With a shaky hand, I brought the cup up to my lips.

Taking large gulps, I finished in seconds and then crushed it in my palm, slightly easing some of the tension in my body.

“Sorry about that. The weather changed quickly this year. I wasn’t ready for the heat,” I said, coming up with some kind of excuse for my weird and awkward behavior.

“Not a problem. I know what you mean. I wasn’t ready for such a heat wave right away either, plus the humidity. It can be suffocating at times,” Linda agreed.

“Exactly,” I responded, feeling uncomfortable.

Linda was sweet. She was nice and very easy to talk to, almost too easy to talk to. I didn’t want to get familiar with her because knowing me, I would let go of all my past transgressions in a matter of seconds, thanks to the massive guilt weighing on me.

Last time I’d seen Linda in person was when I’d gone to see Madeline play tee-ball. At the time, Linda had been lankier. She’d seemed okay from afar, but I’d seen the weight of the world on her shoulders. Madeline was as cute as ever but a little more grown up. Linda had gained some weight. She looked healthy now, full and curvy.

I wondered if she had remarried. Had she even dated since she lost Marshall? What was her love life like? Did she even have one, or was she still devastated from what I’d done, from what I’d stolen from her?

“I’m sorry. How rude of me not to introduce myself. I’m Linda, and this is my daughter Madeline,” Linda said.

Linda held out her hand, and I took it in a quick shake and then glanced at Madeline, who was holding her hand out as well, showing off that toothy grin.

Damn, she was adorable.

“Hi, I’m Kace.” I took Madeline’s hand in mine, and she wrinkled her nose and looked at Linda.

“He’s all sweaty, Mom.”

“Madeline!” Linda reprimanded.

“Nah, that’s okay,” I said. “Your hands get sweaty in those boxing gloves. Should have warned you.”

“Well, that’s nice of you, but we need to mind our manners. Right, Madeline?”

“Right. Sorry, Mr. Kace.”

“Not a problem at all.” I chuckled.

Those freckles and that smile were going to be the death of me. Madeline was so dainty, so petite. The shirt she was wearing was one I’d bought her a few years ago with a map of New Orleans on it. Clearly it hadn’t been my best purchase since she was just fitting into it now, and because it was a shirt with a map of New Orleans on it, but apparently she liked it. Choosing presents was so out of my realm but, buying for a little girl was in another fucking galaxy of comprehension. Buying for a little girl just added pressure that resulted in crap purchases like the shirt she was wearing. Although she seemed to like the purse I’d gotten her since she still used it. It was ragged and torn in spots where little patches of ladybugs and rainbows covered up the holes.