Even though I didn’t want to feel happy she still used the items I bought her, I couldn’t help but feel slightly elated. She loved my presents.

She loved them. Either that or….

Shit, maybe she hadn’t been given anything else besides my presents because her mom couldn’t afford it.

That thought sent my stomach into another flip.

“Kace, are you sure you’re okay?” Linda placed her hand on my shoulder, and it almost felt like her skin was burning mine, burning me for my past sins.

“Fine. Umm, what can I help you with?” I asked, needing this little conversation to end sooner rather than later.

In the background, the community center bustled with excited patrons observing the different classes we offered as well as taking a tour of the facility, led by Goldie, of course, because who else would be more entertaining? Voices started to flow down the hallway, and I knew the tour would head my way soon, which meant having to get my shit together. I wouldn’t do the center any good if I was practically hyperventilating on the floor. Yeah, that would get people to sign up for my class.

“And this is the Haze Room,” Goldie said, opening the door and allowing a few people to come in.

A family walked in as well as a couple. They looked around in awe. Goldie made eye contact with me and gave me a questioning look. I shook my head for her to not ask anything, and thankfully she didn’t pursue it..

“And this is Kace. He is our instructor in the Haze Room. Rumor has it he’s ready to work his athletes hard, so if you come here, get ready to sweat.”

I smiled and said, “We accept all levels of athletes. No judgement here. I will work with you and your level of fitness.”

“He says that now.” Goldie winked and led the group out of the room.

“She’s so much fun,” Linda said, speaking of Goldie. “She was so sweet at the front desk, especially when directed us down here.”

“She’s pretty amazing,” I said, speaking the truth.

“Mom, can I go play on the mats?” Madeline asked, a pleading look in her eyes.

Linda looked at me for approval. I bent down to Madeline’s level and said, “Run wild, kid.”

“Awesome!” She threw her purse on the floor and ran around, doing somersaults and cartwheels on the mats.

“She has a lot of energy,” I pointed out.

“Tell me about it. That’s why we’re here. I want her to use that energy for good. I want her to learn how to work with others, take instruction, and apply herself.”

“She will definitely be able to learn that here. Do you have any classes in mind?”

“Self-defense,” Linda said without skipping a beat.

“Okay, well, we have a class she could join. It will probably be more adults than anything.”

“That’s okay,” Linda said while looking at Madeline. “The earlier she learns, the better. I’d also like to see her build confidence and put some meat on her bones. She needs to be able to defend herself.”

The way Linda was talking had me worried. Was Madeline being picked on at school? The mere thought had my blood boiling and my hands itching to take care of whoever was picking on her. No matter what their age or size was, I was ready to teach someone a fucking lesson.

“I know this is none of my business, but is she having trouble at school?”

Linda was lost in a daze, watching Madeline. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

It was as if Linda was just living in another world, completely lost in her thoughts. What was she thinking about? Was she trying to teach Madeline self-defense because her father had been attacked in a bar? It would make sense, but would Linda be all right with me teaching her daughter self-defense when I was the man who had murdered her husband?

I was getting nauseated, but I ignored it, needing to get this conversation over with. Repeating myself, I asked, “Is Madeline being picked on at school?”

“What? No. Why would you ask that?”

“Oh, I just…The way you asked about self-defense, I thought that maybe she was going through something right now.”

“Just taking precautionary measures.”

Precautionary measures. Linda was trying to protect Madeline from people like me. Little did she know, she should stay as far away from me as possible.

“Do you think Madeline would be able to join the class? It’s very important to me that she learns to defend herself at a young age. I want her growing up to be a strong, confident woman.”

“Yup,” I said, swallowing bile. “We can get her into today’s class if you’re interested in starting right away.”

I was talking, but I really wasn’t understanding what I was offering. Was I really accepting Madeline into one of my classes?

“That would be great. What time does it begin?”

I looked at my watch. “Half an hour.”

“Perfect. I brought her gear. I can go get her changed and then we’ll be back.”

“Sounds good,” I replied. “Make sure you get a free water bottle up front.”

“Thanks. Can I sit and watch?”

“Yup, that’s why we have the bleachers. You can join in as well if you would like.”

“I’ll think about it,” Linda said a little shyly. “Come on, Madeline. We have to get you ready for class.”

“Awesome!” Madeline called while fist-pumping the air. She skidded across the floor, grabbed her bag, and headed out of the room with her mom.

“See you in a few,” Linda called out.

“Yeah, see you in a few, Mr. Kace,” Madeline said, waving and walking away with her mom.

The minute the door closed, I locked it and ran to the trashcan, where I threw up all my past sins and regrets.

How the fuck was I going to get through today without losing my shit?

***

My heart hammered in my chest, sweat dripped down my back, and my throat was clogged with emotion, a fucking unyielding feeling that was making it hard to breathe.

Watching Madeline prance around the Haze Room, wearing boxing gloves entirely too big for her noodle arms, smiling and waving at her mom after every punch she made to the bag, caused me to be physically nauseous.

I didn’t know why I felt so ill. I should have been happy she was a well-rounded little girl with a heart of fucking gold and a smile that made me want to give her the world.

But all I felt was the sick need to bury myself in a case of Maker’s and wash away the smiling image of Madeline Duncan.

I could feel myself drowning, gasping for air, wondering when the burning ache in my chest would cease to exist.

This pain I was feeling, I’d brought upon myself. I couldn’t get over God’s sick plan to bring Linda and Madeline into my life.

“Looking good over here,” Jett said as he clasped my shoulder. “You got them working hard.”

It was a small class of five people. Linda decided to join in and they were all working on their jabs right now while I tried to calm my racing heart.

“Yeah,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

Madeline threw her little arms at the bag with horrible form, and I knew I had to correct her so she didn’t hurt herself, but my feet were cemented in place, permitting me from moving forward.

“You all right?” Jett asked, knowing me too well.

“No,” I answered honestly. “I’m not fucking all right.”

Jett leaned closer. “Want to talk outside?”

“Can’t. Teaching a class.”

“Are you really? Because it looks like you’re standing here in absolute—”

“Madeline, stay on your own bag,” Linda called, interrupting Jett. Madeline was running around punching all the bags in the area, causing a fucking adorable ruckus.

Jett swung his gaze to where Madeline and Linda were, assessed the mother-daughter pair, then turned his back on them and got in my face. “Is that…”

I confirmed his suspicions, not letting him finish.

Jett ran his hand over his face and muttered, “Holy shit. What are they doing here?”