That was the thing about living in a very small town, you could call the doctor to come to your house and he would come because he knew you personally. The bad part to living in a small town was that when Mama got sick, we had less access to resources like nurses and other care agencies. I had gone to high school with Dr. McCall’s daughter, and he was a good friend of my parents. If Joe was calling him, it meant he would probably come, even though I felt like Joe was overreacting.

I sauntered back to my room to get dressed. Joe and I had so many things to take care of, like what we were going to do about the house and all the belongings inside. After dressing in the same dreary clothes I had worn to my mama’s wake, a black long pencil skirt and black top, I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Joe had made it down before me, and before I could rummage through the cabinets for something to eat, he pushed a dry bowl of cereal my way.

“Here you need to eat something.”

“I can’t eat that,” I replied, eyeing the bowl like it was poison. The thought of pushing dry cereal down my throat made a new roll of nausea wash over me.

“Well, we don’t have time to grab something, Dr. McCall will be here any minute,” he replied, looking at his watch then eyeing me warily. I wondered what had gotten into him and when he had become so attentive. A few moments later there was a knock at the door. I made my way to the front door to open it for the doctor. Joe muttered something about giving me privacy and disappeared up the stairs.

“Hi, Dr. McCall,” I said, opening the door.

He looked at me sadly and said, “Hi, Vicky, I am sorry for your loss.” And so the condolences began. “Your brother mentioned you had been getting sick to your stomach. Do you want to tell me a little more about that?”

“Sure,” I replied, as we made our way into the family room. Dr. McCall motioned for me to take a seat on the couch while he stood and listened. “There isn’t much to tell, I’ve just thrown up a few times.”

“Aha, do you think you ate something bad?”

I thought back to the last few days. I hadn’t eaten very much and whatever I ate, Joe ate too and he had been fine. “No, I haven’t eaten anything bad.”

“Can I ask you when your last menstrual cycle was?”

Mmm, thinking back I had a period just after arriving to New York at some point. As I calculated the dates in my mind my stomach dropped. “I think it’s been about six weeks,” I answered hesitantly.

I cringed knowing what the next question would be. “Have you been sexually active during that time?” Crap, I felt like shit. I had been sexually active with too many men.

“I think we should do a urine test, Vicky, and take it from there. It may very well be a stomach bug or you may just be under stress, but either way you should know,” the doctor explained reaching into his brown leather bag. He pulled out a urine cup and passed it to me. I took it from him and went to the bathroom.

I had been on birth control. I couldn’t be pregnant. As I walked to the bathroom something in my gut told me that I was pregnant with Luc’s baby. I wanted to laugh and cry. I needed to bury my papa in a few days for goodness sakes and Luc left me, he pushed me out of his life. Bryce probably told him about my father and yet after all of his babble about love, I’m alone. I peed in the container and wrapped it in toilet paper. Then I washed my hands and headed back out to the doctor and passed him the cup. He placed it on the coffee table and reached back into his brown bag. A moment later he pulled out a little cup with sticks in it. He dipped one of the sticks into the cup and we waited silently. I felt numb and spacey. Maybe this would be it, the thing that breaks me. I had dreaded the thought of ever having children since Mama got sick. I had watched how my best friend’s sister in high school had gotten married and had her first baby. I had spent time at their house while Dani’s mother taught her how to care for her baby. When Mama got sick, my mind always drifted to that day. Remembering how Dani had no clue what to do with her baby and how grateful she was to her mom for teaching her how to be a mother. I knew I would never have that. I knew that if the day came, I would be alone. Now I was truly alone and it didn’t feel real, whatever was happening wasn’t registering in my mind.

I had no husband, no mother, no way of caring for an infant. “Vicky the test result is positive,” the doctor said.

***

“Vicky, Vicky,” Joe was hanging over me patting my face.

“Mmmm, what are you doing? Stop slapping me.” I flicked his hand away from my face as I slowly opened my eyes, and the doctor and Joe hovered above me.

“You are lucky you had the couch behind you to break your fall,” the doctor said sadly.

I looked between the doctor and Joe feeling disoriented. “You fainted, Vick,” Joe said holding his hand over his chest as if he was protecting his heart.

“Sorry if I scared you,” I whispered.

“Joe, will you give us a minute?” the doctor requested.

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded and left the room.

“Do you remember what I said to you?” The doctor looked at me drawing his eyebrows together.

“Yes,” I blushed.

“Okay, I know you have a hard day ahead of you. You need to eat something. Maybe some dry toast will curb the nausea,” he suggested. “You will also need to make an appointment to see an obstetrician. That is a doctor that takes care of pregnant women. You may be about a month along at this point,” he smiled sadly. “I will see you at the funeral home later. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to call me.” He smiled then he took his brown bag and walked toward the door. I wanted to get up and show him out, but I felt glued to my spot on the couch. My legs felt like jelly. I couldn’t keep this baby. I couldn’t do this by myself.

Once the door closed, Joe hesitantly walked back into the family room. He took a seat beside me on the couch. “Everything okay, Vick?”

I had a strong sense that Joe knew I was pregnant. Something told me that he had sensed it all along. I didn’t understand when or how he became so attuned to a woman’s body. I can’t imagine he studied that in school.

“I’m pregnant,” I huffed out, letting my head fall back onto the pillow on our old brown couch.

“I figured,” he let out a sigh, falling back into the couch beside me.

“How’s that Joe, how did you figure?” I asked, lifting my head and looking at him warily. Something about him had changed since his return.

“Honestly, Vick, I wanted to wait until after the funeral to tell you, but when I was back in Mexico I got a girl pregnant. I have a daughter…” he confessed, looking down to the brown carpeted floor in front of him.

The gasp I let out was harsh and rough. “For real?”

“Yeah, my girlfriend's name is Eva, she had the same symptoms like you, throwing up from certain foods…morning sickness,” he drawled.

“Where is Eva now? Where is your child?” I asked feeling like I couldn’t speak fast enough. Joe had disappeared but I hadn’t expected him to have started a family in such a short time, even though a year and a half had been longer than I realized.

“Eva is in Mexico. She lives with her parents. We have a baby girl…her name is Antonella Maria,” he said as his eyes began to redden. “We call her Nelly.”

“You named her after Mama?”

“Eva insisted, honestly, Vicky. Things are a little messed up for me. I’ve been messed up. Eva and I were not exclusive when she came and told me she was pregnant. I was working in a tourist town at a resort, and let’s just say I got around. When Eva came and told me she was pregnant I didn’t man up and ask her to marry me. I’ve been there for her throughout the pregnancy and birth, but I know she wanted more from me and I didn’t have anything to give,” Joe explained sadly. I could see the guilt sitting heavy on his shoulders.