When my eyes finally focus on them, I realize they are out of uniform and have already showered.

“Shit, how long was I running?”

“An hour?” Ryan shrugs and looks at Brian and Mark who all nod in agreement.

“Coach wants to see you in his office,” Mark says as he gets up off the ground and reaches his hand out to help me up.

“You need to pull it together before you go in there,” Brian says. I know it has to be bad if Brian is telling me to pull it together.

I run my hands through my hair and feel how drenched with sweat it is. “Yeah, you’re right.” I wipe the sweat off my face with the inside of my shirt and take a deep breath. “I’m good.”

Ryan gives me a look that says he doesn’t buy it for a second. “Good luck.” He pats my shoulder pads.

When I’m finally standing outside Coach’s door, my heart won’t slow down. What could he want? Shit.

I have pulled my hand up to knock at least a hundred times, but I can’t bring myself to actually do it. I can’t afford to lose football, too.

Knowing I can’t put it off any longer, I take a deep breath and finally knock.

“Come in,” I hear from the other side of the frosted glass window.

“Todd.” A smile graces his face, causing my heart to slow for a second. “Come in and sit down, son.” He gestures to the wooden chairs lined up in front of his desk.

I’m still in pads and uniform, so it’s awkward to sit here. I should have changed and showered first. Damn.

His eyes study me for an uncomfortably long time. He threads his hands together, rests them on his desk, and takes a deep breath. “What is going on with you, son?”

“Me? I’m good, Coach. Really.”

He leans back in his chair and crosses his feet at his ankles. “Well, you see, you told me that before, and I didn’t believe you. Then you got yourself suspended for the first quarter of a game, almost kicked out of that game, now you’re sitting here with a black eye, and you were out there running a marathon. You were off at practice today. You are never off.” He leans back into his desk and threads his fingers once again. “So, you see, I have a hard time believing you when you tell me you’re fine.”

I have no words, so I shift my eyes to the floor and start to study the specs on the tile. I hope he breaks this silence soon.

“I talked to the Penn State coach. I know they gave you a verbal offer on Friday. Nothing is solid until signing day, though. You know that, right? They want you. Don’t blow this for yourself, son. I don’t care what is happening in your personal life; don’t bring it on this field.”

With that, my eyes dart up to meet his.

“Ryan told me a little of what is going on.”

I feel my fists tighten and my jaw clench. I’m going to kill him.

I can tell Coach notices, because his look softens for a second.

“He’s concerned about you, son. And I’m glad he told me. You need to talk to me. I’m tired of you telling me you’re good when I know you’re not. I’m here for you in this office, but out on that field, I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to hear it. On the field, you need to give it one hundred and ten percent, always. You can’t bring it to practice or to the games. Your focus needs to be on the game, no distractions. You hear me? Use the anger in the game, but don’t let it destroy the game.” His voice has grown to full volume, as if we are in the locker room at half time. All concern has been wiped away.

“Yes, Coach!” I shout back to match his tone.

“Hamilton, you’re a good kid. You have a bright future ahead of you, remember that. Don’t mess it up. And if you need to talk, I’m here to help. Here in this office, not on the field.”

“Right. Thanks, Coach.”

He gives me an understanding smile and nods his head. I know we are done here, but I also know he’s watching me from now on.

I still want to kill Ryan. I need to talk to him, but I don’t even know if I’m still welcome in his house, and it’s not like I have a phone to call him.

ASHLEY

I feel like I might drop right here on the pavement. We have a meet this Friday, so George is pushing us even harder.

I loved every second of my lunch with Todd in the janitor’s closet, but I really wish I had eaten something. I need to remember that tomorrow when kissing seems like the better option.

“Rough practice today, huh?” Casey’s eyes study me as he towel dries his blonde hair.

“Yeah.” I look up and smile. Pretend like nothing is going on, I keep telling myself.

“So how was homecoming?” he asks with a grin.

“Good. Great. Fine,” I say all at once.

“Okay?” His lips are smiling, but I can tell his eyes are studying me.

“George was really pushing us today, don’t ya think?” Janice interrupts us. I feel my shoulders automatically relax at the change of subject. I didn’t even realize how tense I was.

Casey’s gaze shifts before he nods his head in the direction of his gaze. “Your ride is here, Ashley.”

My heart flutters as an automatic reflex, thinking it’s Todd, but when I turn around, I remember it’s not when my eyes land on my mom.

“No lover boy today?” Casey leans in and whispers.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Thankfully, he can’t see my face.

“Nope. He’s got practice.” I try to keep my voice calm and steady. When I think I have it together, I turn back to both of them with a smile. “See you tomorrow.” Then I pivot on my heel and walk away. Point for Ashley.

I keep this calm façade up until I make it to my bedroom. As soon as I’m in the safety of my room, I fling myself across my bed and break down. How am I ever going to do this every day? I still haven’t said a word to my parents. Mom tried to carry on a conversation on the way home, but I only responded with grunts, nods, and sighs. I can’t bring myself to say actual words, or I will lose it.

Then I hear it—Todd’s voice. Now I’m hearing things, great.

But wait, there it is again. I have officially lost it, whatever “it” is. Although, I’m not sure I ever had “it” in the first place. I didn’t see his car, so he can’t really be here, right?

“I’m just pissed you told him. It’s none of his business.” I hear his voice again through the vent. Is he on speakerphone? And told who, what?

“He needed to know. You’re a mess, and he needs to know why. I didn’t want him to call your dad.”

“That would have been a good thing. Maybe they would see this is a mistake.”

“Yeah, or maybe this would prove their point.”

There is silence.

Could he be here? In Ryan’s room?

“Shit. You’re right. I just don’t want anyone to know; it’s none of their damn business.” There’s no mistaking his voice this time.

“Well, everyone needs to think you guys are broken up for this to work.” The last part Ryan says really low, but I can still make it out.

“God, I hate this. I hate my parents. What the fuck?”

“I know, but if you don’t play along, it will be worse.”

“I know; you’re right.”

More silence.

“I think I heard Ash come home,” Ryan says. I don’t think I could love him any more than I do in this moment. “Which means my mom is home.” My love lessens a bit at that reminder.

I hear a faint knock on my door as it opens.

I quickly wipe my eyes as Ryan asks loudly, “Ash, can I come in?” I give him a huge smile as he peeks his head around and Todd sneaks in.

“What are you doing here?” I can’t hide my excitement.

“I needed to talk to Ryan.”

“I didn’t see your car, and how are you going to leave without my mom seeing you?”

“I parked down the street, and the same way you do.” He nods his head toward the window with a smile as he steps closer and cradles my face in his hands. “I’m so glad I got to see you.” Our eyes are locked on only each other.

“Okay, I’m going to go. Don’t stay too long.” Ryan smiles. We both totally forgot he was still standing in the doorway. He gives us a look and then quietly shuts the door.