I stand, content to just follow the flow of traffic when Tank leans over his seat and tugs my arm.

“Luke, come on. Max’s lawyer has something for us.”

“I’ll wait for you here.” Seven kisses me on the cheek and then goes to stand with Sasha, Josie and Emma.

Tank leads us into a room off the back. An older man meets us at the door and motions for us to come inside. He seems very somber and I wonder if it’s just because of the occasion or if he and Max were actually friends. I’ve never met this particular lawyer before but that’s not surprising. I’m pretty sure Max has always employed a team of them for his many interests.

He motions for us to sit in the chairs in front of the desk. There isn’t enough room so Tank and I lean against the wall near the door.

“Thank you for coming. I’m Harold Levitt. Mr. Marshall left explicit instructions for how he wanted his will to be read. So I’ll just proceed.”

Finn leans forward. “He told us he distributed his estate early. I assumed that we’d already received our inheritance.”

Mr. Levitt places a pair of wire frames on his face. “He distributed a portion of his estate earlier this year, that’s true. However, he has bequeathed an additional sum to each of you.”

He clears his throat and begins to read.

I, Maxwell Marshall, direct my executors to pay all estate and inheritance taxes. I give all my tangible personal property to my sons, Tanner, Finnigan, Gabriel, Zachary and Lucas subject to the following conditions …

It all sounds like a lot of legalese to me but halfway through Tank starts chuckling. Gabe follows suit and then Zack. Finn just smiles with a hand over his mouth.

“Why are you all laughing?” I ask, shocked that they would be this disrespectful while our father’s will is being read.

Mr. Levitt doesn’t seem at all concerned and in fact when he lowers the paper he’s been reading from, I see he’s smiling as well.

Tank looks over at me. “Even in death, Max can’t resist having the last laugh. He’s put conditions on us receiving the remainder of his money. Just like last time. The cranky old bastard wants us all to get married and have kids before we inherit the rest.”

Finn shakes his head. “I bet he had a grand time coming up with this idea. It’s almost like he’s still here.”

Mr. Levitt puts down the document he’s been reading from. “This is the part where I’ve been instructed to stop reading that boring shit, as Max called it and read his personal missive to you.”

He picks up a white envelope and pulls out a single sheet of paper. It’s a distinctive shade of blue.

My sons.

If you’re hearing this, I’m finally gone. I hope you got a bit of a laugh out of my last will and testament. Had to throw a few curveballs in there just to shake things up. I meant what I told Carol about no tears. This isn’t a time for sadness but for joy. Knowing all of you was the culmination of a lifelong dream. You are all the embodiment of the man I could never be. 

Until the next lifetime,

Max

Mr. Levitt places the letter carefully back in the envelope. Then he leans down and pulls out a bottle of Jameson.

“Your father requested that we share a drink in his honor. His favorite Irish whiskey for his favorite Irish boys. His words.”

He pulls out five glasses and pours a little in each. Tank hands one back to me and I stare at the amber liquid, Max’s last words to us rolling around in my head.

We all take a sip and then Tank starts laughing again.

“Only Max could turn a funeral into a pub crawl.”

They all laugh again but I can’t summon any levity. I’m burdened not just by the loss but by my part in it. Looking back I’m not sure that I would do anything differently. I had a hand to play and I played it. Max himself seemed to understand why I was doing it. He called it doing what I had to do. But none of it matters now, does it?

The end result is the same. He’s still gone.

I walk out, their laughter echoing behind me. I walk past the girls still sitting in the front row before the altar and past the people congregating in the lobby. Maybe if I walk far enough I can forget that doing what I had to do came at a very high price.

One I’m not yet sure how to live with.

chapter fourteen

†

SEVEN

I trot out of the funeral home and look frantically left and right. When Sasha told me she saw Luke walk past, I assumed he was going to the bathroom or just out front to get some air. Not that he wouldn’t be coming back.

But it’s been an hour and there’s no sign of him.

“We drove around the block and didn’t see him. Did you try to track his cell phone?”

I nod. That was the first thing I tried. I’m too embarrassed to admit that he’s deliberately turned his GPS off. He doesn’t want to be found. But that doesn’t mean that I can just give up. Tank said that he was upset after hearing his father’s last letter.

Even if he doesn’t think he wants company right now, he needs it. No one should be alone while they’re hurting. I know all too well how that feels.

Another ten minutes goes by and then I see something at the end of the street. “Is that him?”

Tank has been leaning against his car talking on his phone but stands at my shout. He shades his eyes with his hand. He nods at me and then tells whoever is on the other end of the phone, “We found him. I’ll call you back.”

Luke is walking on the sidewalk, his head down so he hasn’t noticed us yet. By the time he gets closer I can see that he looks all disheveled. The legs of his pants are dusty like he’s been walking for a long time.

“You’re all dirty.”

He looks down at his shoes. “Yes. I am.”

When he doesn’t say anything else, I look over at Tank. He takes the hint.

“Where’ve you been, bro?”

Luke shrugs. “Walking.”

“We were, uh, getting a little worried about you.”

“I had to get out of there.”

Tank glances over at me. “I’m going to drive you guys home but if you need anything later, don’t hesitate to call.”

I know that last bit is meant for me. He made sure that I had all of their phone numbers earlier, something I’m grateful for now. The way Luke is responding is really scary. He’s answering our questions but the dispassionate way he’s speaking sounds like a robot. Like he doesn’t really care about anything.

“Come on baby.” I’m so grateful that Tank drove since the limo that brought us here is long gone. I climb in the back with Luke, happy when he puts his arm around me instead of pulling away.

Tank waves after he drops us off and Luke follows me into the apartment. He stands there, like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do now. I take his hand and lead him back to the bedroom. He allows me to push his suit jacket off his shoulders. I fold it carefully and rest it on the back of his desk chair. Then I unbuckle his belt and pull his shirt out.

I glance up at him. There’s something so sad about the way he’s allowing me to tend to him. He seems to want someone else to take the lead. I finish stripping him out of his clothes until he’s nude then I pull my dress over my head.

His eyes heat and he watches as my bra hits the floor next. Then he grabs me and his lips are moving roughly over mine, almost bruising in their intensity.