“Yes. He asked me to stay. He really loves me Grace. And I love him, too. I just hate that I’ll be so far away from you.”

“I’ll miss you, too but don’t worry about me. Luke is the one who needs you right now.”

“I’m not sure what he needs.”

“Seven, he’s never lost a parent before. You have. You’d know better than anyone what he needs right now.”

After we hang up, I think about what she said. When I lost my mom, for years all I could think about was why. That’s how I know Luke is torturing himself with guilt over what happened. I pick up my cell phone again and start dialing.

My sister is right. I know exactly what he needs.

†

I open the door and allow Tank to come in. A few minutes later Gabe and Zack arrive together. They all take seats on the couch. I glance behind me to make sure that Luke isn’t out of the shower yet.

“We’re just waiting on—”

Finn pokes his head through the door. “Am I late?”

I usher him inside and to the chair I pulled from the kitchen. “Right on time. He’ll be out in a second.”

Sure enough, a few minutes later Luke emerges wearing a pair of jeans unsnapped at the waist. His hair is still wet, the thick curls gleaming in the light.

“When did you guys get here?” He manages an appropriate amount of interest when he asks the question. Someone who didn’t know him well might not be able to tell that anything is wrong but I can hear the trepidation in his voice.

He glances over at me warily.

“I asked them to come. So I can tell them the truth.”

“Seven—”

“It’s my fault. And you’ve been self-destructing this past month with guilt.” He closes his eyes. “You’ve been trying to hide it but it’s so obvious. I know you blame me.”

“I don’t blame you. I blame myself. Never you.”

Tank turns to me. “You mentioned over the phone that Luke gave information to the authorities about Max?”

“Yeah, but he only did it to save me. They were threatening to arrest me if I didn’t help them get information from Luke. So he gave them some information he thought wouldn’t implicate Max directly but I guess it did somehow. We never thought this would happen.”

“Of course you didn’t. Why would you?” Tank replies. His eyes shift over to Luke. “Do you know what my most vivid memory is of Max? It’s watching the lights on his car as he drove away when he left us. I can still hear my mom crying.”

Luke sits on the edge of the couch but doesn’t say anything.

Tank looks over at Finn. “Do you even remember that?”

Finn shakes his head. “I have no conscious memories from that age. And when we met again, I didn’t care about getting to know him at all. I just figured if some old guy wanted to give out money, why not let him?”

Luke looks up in shock.

“What? You thought you were the only one with a fucked up relationship with our mafia pops?” Gabe chuckles. “I stole his assistant’s security card so I could snoop around his hotel suite.”

“Yeah, you showed me the pictures you took.” Luke smiles. “I had forgotten that.”

Gabe holds his ribs. “I haven’t forgotten any of that. I still can’t twist my torso without feeling it where that crazy bastard knifed me.”

“Your father stabbed you?” I blurt, forgetting that I’m supposed to be an impartial observer.

Zack chuckles at my outburst. “No, that would be our mafia hitman cousin, Blade. Apparently Max helped raise him though, so I’m not sure that’s much better.”

Luke crosses his arm. “So the point is that we’ve all had some pretty insane interactions with Max.”

Zack pats him on the shoulder. “I told him everything he did wrong. I accused him of being selfish, irresponsible and fucking up all our lives. He let me, too. Our relationship wasn’t puppies and rainbows. It was ninety-nine percent me yelling at him for being a shitty father.”

They fall quiet. Finally Luke sighs. “You guys didn’t have to come over here just to make me feel better.”

Tank stands.  “We didn’t come over here to make you feel better. We’re here to tell you that we feel responsible, too. But it’s something we’ve had to come to terms with. Did you ever get a chance to talk to him, one on one?”

Luke nods thoughtfully. “The day I warned him about what was coming, we had lunch together. He was so different from what I was expecting. In my head I’d built him up to be this monster but in the end, he was just a man.”

“Max would have been the first to admit that he wasn’t a great person for most of his life. He wasn’t arrested unjustly. It’s probably a miracle he evaded authorities as long as he did. It wasn’t your fault, Luke. You just accelerated the inevitable.”

Tank pulls him into a hug and I hang back watching them. Soon conversation turns to other things and slowly, Luke starts to sound more like himself.

After an hour, Tank looks at his watch and then stands. “I’d better go. If I don’t come home with the right flavor of ice cream, Em is going to kill me. Oh by the way, you’re all going to be uncles soon.”

There’s a chorus of cheers and what looks like a lot of pushing and shoving but at the end they’re all grinning so I assume this is part of how they bond. They all file out and I wave to them one by one. Finally only Tank is left.

“We were getting worried about you, kid.”

Luke crosses his arms. “I know. Thank you for this. Seriously, I needed to hear some of that. I’ll probably always feel guilty for how things went down but it helps to put things in perspective. He was a terrible father in so many ways but at the end he was making an effort to redeem himself. I’ll have to come to terms with that in my own time so I can move on and forgive him.”

Tank claps him on the shoulder.  “Maybe then you can finally forgive yourself.”

chapter fifteen

†

LUKE

Voices and music carry over the warm afternoon air from the backyard of my mom’s house. It’s the end of the summer and this will probably be the last cookout of the season.

I sit on the front steps and sigh as I’m finally alone. My family has been worried about me and I know I’ve given them reason but it’s almost as exhausting to have them all hovering. Thank God for Seven.

Just the thought of my girl brings a smile to my face.

Her love and patience have been a balm to my ragged soul. As the days pass and I love her deeper still, I can feel the wounds in my heart starting to heal.

She has moved in completely and my living room has become her office. My apartment never seemed small before but now that we’re both living and working from the same space, it suddenly feels microscopic. My brothers know more about real estate than I do so they’ve been keeping an eye out for property we might want to buy. Just a few months ago the idea of buying land and living with someone would have freaked me out but now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Seven’s laughter carries over the sound of the music. I was worried that after years alone that she’d think it was weird to spend so much time with my mom or resent having to entertain my grandpop and my overly friendly uncles. But she fit right in from the very first time she met everyone. I think they get along better with her sometimes than with me!

A delivery truck pulls up to the curb and the driver jumps out. Whistling, he makes his way up the driveway, a parcel in his hand.