“God, this sucks.” He moaned. “You have no idea how much I regret running for president.”

“It’s got to be a rough job,” I commiserated. Stay calm, stay calm and focused. Chris is a good guy and he likes you. “This isn’t about Big Brother Night, is it?”

“In a way it is.” He looked like he was ready to cry. “Jordy, this is really hard for me—I hope you know that, but I don’t have a choice.” He cleared his throat. “You’re not getting a little brother tonight. I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t look me in the eyes. “Roger’s agreed to take Galen—he was his second choice.”

“And why?” I asked. I was sure I knew. I felt bad for Chris, who was obviously not enjoying this, but I was damned if I would make it easy on him. “What have I done?”

“I’m sure you’re aware of the video e-mailed to the brothers?” He looked up at me finally. His eyes looked bloodshot.

I nodded. “Oh, yes, I’m aware of it. It was sent to me, too.” I shrugged. “I’m sure people were shocked; I certainly was, and I’m sorry about that. But I wasn’t the one who shot it, and I wasn’t the one who circulated it.”

“Unfortunately, some brothers came to the Executive Council.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jordy, I tried to head this off. But there are brothers insisting you have to appear in front of the entire brotherhood on Monday.” He sighed. “So, tomorrow afternoon at one, I have to ask you to meet with the Executive Council to discuss this. After you tell us the circumstances, we’ll deliberate and decide whether or not a hearing is called for.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Jordy.”

“A hearing?” I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

“The bylaws of the national chapter state that if a brother conducts himself in a way that embarrasses the brotherhood, the brotherhood can hold a hearing to determine whether or not to expel him.” Chris rubbed his eyes. “And unfortunately, since it is possible you might be expelled from the brotherhood on Monday night, we can’t let you take a little brother.” He moaned. “This is such shitty timing. I’m sorry, Jordy. But at least you can explain things to the Executive Council tomorrow and maybe we can head off actually holding a hearing.”

“Couldn’t we do this today? This seems a bit unfair to me,” I replied, starting to get a little angry. I took a deep breath. Stay calm, I reassured myself. Don’t lose your temper, don’t get angry. “I’m the victim in all of this, Chris. Someone taped me having sex without my consent and spread the video around in a deliberate attempt to publicly humiliate me. That’s who should be subjected to a hearing. That’s who conducted himself in a way embarrassing to the brotherhood.” I took another breath. “Chris, I’m not saying that what I did was right—it certainly wasn’t. That was the steam room at my gym, and it never should have happened. But the person behind all of this also sent it to the management at my gym. The guy in the video was my trainer. He’s been fired. This little attempt to embarrass me ruined someone else’s life—and this had nothing to do with him. Nothing. Is that the kind of person we want in Beta Kappa?” Granted, I’d already fixed that mess, but Chris didn’t need to know that.

“Jordy, if it were up to me, this wouldn’t be happening,” Chris replied sadly. “Unfortunately, the house is a democracy. I tried to convince the complaining brothers to drop it, but they wouldn’t.” He buried his face in his hands. “I like you, Jordy. I’ve always liked you, from the moment we met. I think you’re a definite asset to this house—even if you haven’t been as active as you should be this semester—and you definitely have more to offer Beta Kappa than a lot of the deadweight we have around here. I’m not going to vote against you.”

“I appreciate that, Chris.” I managed to keep my voice level, but inside I was boiling. “Can I at least know who the complaining brothers were? I have a right to face my accusers.” It didn’t come from Chad, of course. He’s too smart for that. But he’s pulling the strings off stage.

“I can’t tell you that.” He cleared his throat again. “I warned them this was the kind of thing that could tear the house apart—people being forced to take sides—and no matter what the outcome of your hearing, there’s going to be hard feelings. This happened once before—”

“To Jeff Morgan.” I nodded. “He told me about it this afternoon.”

“Jeff’s hearing cost us some brothers.” Chris shook his head. “There were brothers who didn’t want us to let gay guys in the house. There were some who hated the idea so much they left the brotherhood because of it. Others didn’t want gay guys in the house but were willing to put up with it rather than leave. As you know, we have a diversity policy—but there are guys who will vote to get rid of you just because you’re gay. It’s homophobia, of course, but they’ll say your conduct was embarrassing to the house and disguise it that way.”

“It’s the same thing all over again, isn’t it?” I gave him a rueful smile. The anger drained out of me, and logic was taking over again. “And after me, it’ll happen again to some other gay brother. All it takes is one person with a cell phone that shoots video, Chris.”

“I talked to Eric, and he’s agreed to be your rep at the hearing, if it comes to that.” Chris sighed. “I’m hoping we can resolve this at the Exec meeting tomorrow, and bury it. I’ll make all these points when we’re in session after you tell us your side of this. I’m on your side, Jordy, for what that’s worth.”

“I appreciate it, Chris.” I stood up and offered him my hand.

He gave me the fraternity handshake. “I’m really, really sorry.”

I put my hand on the doorknob. “Seriously, Chris, I understand, and I don’t hold you responsible for any of this.” I started to turn the knob. “Will you answer a question for me, though?”

He nodded.

“Was I given a bid because the brothers wanted me or because my parents are wealthy?”

“Honestly? It was a little of both.”

I nodded. “Thank you for being honest—that makes all of this a little easier.” I started to open the door, and stopped. “One other thing I want you to think about—and all the brothers should be thinking about this, too.”

“Uh-huh?” His eyebrows went up.

“Why would I want to be a part of a group that would treat me like this?”

He didn’t answer. When the silence got awkward, I walked out of his office.

When I shut the door, I stood there for a moment as emotion overwhelmed me. Even though I’d been expecting it, there had been a part of me that refused to accept possible expulsion. I tried to get my heart rate and breathing under control.

It was too good to be true, that hateful voice whispered in my head again. You don’t belong here any more than you did at St. Bernard. People are the same everywhere, Jordy. They didn’t like you here; they only wanted you because you’re rich. All those noble ideals they drilled into your head as a pledge are worthless. The motto—“the helping hand”—is a fucking joke. Everything this place supposedly stands for is a joke. You wanted to believe in it all so bad it blinded you to the truth. Beta Kappa is just like everything else—a bunch of bullshit, a bunch of mean-spirited assholes wrapped in a pretty package of nobility and working for a better world. And you fell for it all, hook, line, and sinker.

As much I hated that voice, I knew this time it was right.

I heard someone coming down the stairs and I started walking down the hall. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to get as far from the house as I could. Fuck the meeting tomorrow. I was never going to set foot in the house again.

“Jordy?”

I stopped walking. I knew that voice. I wiped the tears out of my eyes before I turned around. “Hello, Bobby.” I forced a smile on my face. “How are you?”

He had a smile on his face I wanted to wipe off. As he walked up to me, I hated him with every fiber of my being. I wanted to punch him, and keep punching until there was nothing left but a bloody pulp. I felt my hands curling into fists. “Good.” His smile broadened. “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”