2

GET HER TALKING AND SHARING

Once I was interviewed on a TV show with Tom Snyder, who asked me what I liked to do best with a new lover. I replied, “It’s a four-letter word that ends in ‘K,’ and it means ‘intercourse,’ and I like to do it all night and a lot of the rest of the time.” Tom said “Oh, I’ve got my hand ready on the bleeper button,” grinning at me. “It’s the big one, isn’t it?” he asked. “It’s big with me,” I replied. “The word is ‘talk.’”

“Women can be ruined by lovers, but mere acts of libertinism are quickly forgotten.”

—Madame Saint-Ange, who claimed to have slept with over 12,000 men during twelve years of marriage

“Intercourse” also means “communication,” and if she can’t talk to you or you can’t talk to her, your experiences of mind-blowing sex are going to be quite limited. The better you communicate verbally with your lover, the better the sex is going to be. Quality conversation is a huge part of sex and, for most women, the key to stimulating the brain clit. It is also the fastest way for you to learn what you need to learn about her so you can do what you need to do to make it safe for her heart clit. Never forget the heart clit: if you don’t make it safe for her, she won’t go to the limits for you. Her heart clit must be safe in order for her brain clit to go for the gold. And if you take care of those dominant clits (the heart and brain), the body clit will absolutely follow.

Getting women to talk is not usually a problem, but most women would rather die than verbalize the secrets of their anatomy and they are much worse about sharing the secrets of the dominant clits. Gentlemen, proceed with caution; go slowly, and expect to have to build some trust first.

“Basically, I think I was furious with my mother for not teaching me how to be a woman, for not teaching me how to make peace between the raging hunger in my cunt and the hunger in my head.”

—Erica Jong,

Fear of Flying

And it’s quite fair to use every trick in the book, including asking her if she’ll tell you one simple fantasy, and if necessary, asking her while her clit is writhing under the pleasure of your tongue. Make sure she understands that the only reason you want to know is because your number one interest is in pleasing her. Withhold cock from her at an untimely moment and make her promise to tell you one little thing, and assure her that you won’t ask again for a month. Tend to her heart clit at the same time. Make her feel safe to tell you anything. That’s the only way she‘ll share her secrets. It is highly worth the trouble. Because once you can talk about your fantasies, once you have a trusted and beloved play partner, the sky is the limit and sexual freedom is at hand.

Be ready, though, to hear things that might shock you. One man from a very white suburb in middle America, bought a couples game from the local bookstore, a game which required that he and his wife make a list of fantasies that each of them always wanted to play out. In between “have you wash my hair” and “have you suck on my toes,” she had written “Have you watch me do it with a big, angry black man.” Mr. Middle America thought she was kidding.

3

BRING ALL THE CONFIDENCE YOU HAVE, ALL YOU CAN MUSTER

There is probably nothing more unromantic than a bumbler. If you have games you want to play, positions you want to try, places you want to do it, then you must be able to put those into literate sentences. Practice if you have to, but get so that what comes out of your mouth sounds like the most natural and wonderful thing the two of you could do together. If she balks, act like you don’t understand. Scratch your head. Say, “Why would you be afraid to do that?” and fall to your knees and say, “Baby, I adore you. . . . I just want to play together.”

If you are going to attempt to have mind-blowing sex, you have to have some ideas about how you would achieve that and you have to be able to communicate them, confidently, and with charm. If you can’t do the charm thing, then be extra bossy and explain that you can’t help yourself, she turns you on so much that you become this whole other animal. Women will cut men a lot of slack for sins made in the name of their beauty.

Even if you are experimenting for the first time, be confident, at least, about how you want to play and what you want to do. Be absolutely OK with who you are—don’t apologize for anything about yourself; you have to like yourself if you want someone else to like you, and all men should have figured that out by now.

4

NO COMPLAINTS

Throughout every interaction leading up to the mind-blowing sex, make sure you do not complain about anything. Complaining is too close to whining and whining is a physical turn off for most healthy and normal women. It is a sad fact that some people seem to find everything in life so unpleasant that they do nothing but grumble. These are the losers of our world. If a person only gets his kicks out of complaining, I say let them—but don’t make the mistake of hooking up with one of them. Remember that advice for all your dates. Nothing turns off a person faster than chronic unhappiness and if you can’t get through a first date without complaining about someone or something, then you are not likely to have many more.

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

—Woody Allen

The exception to this, of course, is if your fantasy role-play demands complaints—many of them do. If you are playing the king of the castle and she is playing a lowly servant girl, then it may very well be a legitimate part of your role to tell her she’s moving too slow to quench your thirst, that she should get on her knees to make atonement, and in this particular instance, it’s even OK to complain while she’s giving you the blow job. Just make sure that when it’s over, she has no complaints.

5

NO WORRIES

Stop worrying. Worrying has no place in sex—it is an ”anti-sex” emotion. When you set out to play, play. Sex is to adults as play is to children and when children engage in a playful activity, they forget everything else and devote themselves to the endeavor. More grownups should follow their lead. Lay your worries on the doorstep before laying your partner. Forget the bills, forget the kids, and for goodness’ sake, don’t go into it worried about your penis size or if you can please your mate.

“Man exists in one of two states: getting his dick touched and waiting to get his dick touched.”

—Robert Sherwood

Not that there isn’t cause to worry. There is. The male sexual organ is a wayward little prick. A man may find a female irresistibly attractive, but his pecker just hangs its head and ignores her. The next day, however, on a crowded bus or in the middle of a meeting, it suddenly stands to attention for no reason at all, to the enormous embarrassment of the man at the top. This problem is comparatively common in young men and is usually caused by lack of confidence or fear of failure. Unfortunately, it tends to magnify itself because the surest way to stay soft is to worry about not being able to get hard.

The penis is controlled by the brain, and although the programmer of that neurotic computer lives in a bombproof bunker somewhere between the ears, there are ways to reach him. Your dick can usually be coaxed upright by manual manipulation. In the privacy of your room, you can experiment on the kind of caress you like best. I once knew a man who used to smack his cock with the flat of his hand and say, “Take that, you little bastard!” and it would usually spring erect!