6

LEARN TO LOVE YOUR BODY

Learn to love your body—or at least learn to pretend! The current environment of “plastic surgery made easy” has people doing all kinds of crazy things to themselves in the hopes of changing their lives radically. By ignoring the fact that one must learn to be comfortable in his own skin, happy with one’s own body, many people are missing one of the greatest turn-ons there is in the sexual mating game—and that is confidence. Without it, you are unlikely to experience mind-blowing sex.

“There is very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.’”

—Jerry Seinfeld

Sometime in your life, you’ve seen, I’m sure, the fat, toady, cigar-smoking, roly-poly, bald sixty-ish man walking with a possessive arm around a beautiful young woman (clearly not his daughter), and you probably assume it’s a money thing. You could very well be wrong. Women can’t resist confidence and a man who feels attractive, whether he is or isn’t, emits a powerful karmic aphrodisiac that surrounds him. Men feel the same way about women, becoming hopelessly attracted to someone very average or even ugly, but convinced she is beautiful because she acts like she is. Take a lesson from this.

7

LEARN TO READ HER

Here’s a quote from the Kama Sutra that tells you “why” you need to be able to read her:

“Men who are well acquainted with the art of love are well aware how often one woman differs from another in her sighs and sounds during the time of congress. Some women like to be talked to in the most loving way, others in the most lustful way, and others in the most abusive way, and so on. Some women enjoy themselves with closed eyes in silence, others make a great noise over it, and some almost faint away. The great art is to ascertain what gives them the greatest pleasure, and what specialities they like best.”

More simply put, “You must learn to read her, because every woman is different.” Every woman’s wants and needs are different and you can’t be a good lover if you can’t give her what she needs, and you can’t give her what she needs if you can’t read her signals. The signals are always there; few men are good at reading them.

Thirty years ago, two scientists confirmed Darwin’s evolutionary theory of emotions that declares that facial expressions are identical all over the globe—that there is no culture where the people express happiness by frowning or sadness by smiling. So there are no tricks here. You just have to be paying attention.

Certainly you’ve encountered a film where you get a bird’s eye view of a woman being mauled by a man she doesn’t want to make love to, or a close-up of a woman allowing her husband to make love to her, but she clearly just wants to get it over with. The men in those roles, if you noticed, were not looking at their partners’ faces. If they had, they would have known, and they would have stopped.

Good lovers pay close attention to the face and to every reaction a woman’s body has to every touch and every word and adjusts his game, if he has to, on his mission to please.

8

STAY FOCUSED

Speaking of keeping your eye on her face, be sure to lock eyes now and again. Don’t be afraid to hold her gaze. This “creeps out” some young women—the shy, the inexperienced—but it is also required for many more women. With this latter group, if you can’t or won’t look her straight in the eyes, you can probably forget about mind-blowing sex. Being able to hold her gaze, to look into the depths of her eyes and see her soul and, all the while, share yours can be a powerfully erotic experience. Don’t be afraid to linger there.

“The intention is not to leave the body, but to drop into the body more deeply and completely.”

—Barbara Carrellas, Urban Tantra

Eye-gazing is one way to stay focused, to stay in tune with what she is experiencing. Her breathing, what her body is doing (i.e., is she flinching, or pushing into you for more?), her heartbeat, the sounds she is making—this is all information you must constantly be aware of.

9

LEARN TO PLAY

Learn how to play, an absolute requirement for great sex. An ex-boyfriend of mine once told me a story about how he had seduced an actress, who at fifty-something years of age, was still outstandingly beautiful and had a perfect figure. They sat on the couch in her living-room in the presence of her twenty-five year-old daughter, whose boyfriend was also visiting, and pretended that they were a young Victorian couple who were going to elope.

They acted the scene perfectly right up to the final curtain, when they exited and the actress led the way into her bedroom. At that point, the daughter shouted out, “Hey, Mom! Do you want a feather duster to brush the cobwebs off of it?” The point is not the sassy daughter with the delightful sense of humor, but I just couldn’t tell half a story. The point is that this man knew how to seduce a woman.

Great lovers are not afraid to look foolish. I think every female falls in love with Kevin Kline in Sophie’s Choice when he arranges for a picnic where the threesome dresses as wealthy, early twentieth century southern plantation owners. But not all women necessarily like to dress up. Your woman might consider it more erotic to find a place to do some mud-wrestling—which brings you back to understanding her and what turns her on. Sometimes play can happen spontaneously, but if you are not a natural, then do some planning. Think about the type of play she would like and you would like and put some thought into coordinating the event and the timing. It’s best if you custom tailor the play to the woman. If she finds it hot to be in hot-tubs, perhaps you engineer a surprise for her that involves a hot tub. Perhaps you fill her hot tub with rubber duckies and let her find them on her own. Or, as another example, if she is very straight, but has an active interest in the goth crowd, perhaps you buy her a wig and costume and make her go out to an expensive restaurant with you as if she dresses that way all the time. The more personal the type of play, the more effective. But all the same, I have included a series of popular fantasy role-plays at the end of the book for those of you who need help getting started.

10

MAKE IT SAFE FOR HER TO PLAY (Taking Care of Her Heart Clit)

The only way you are going to get most women to abandon themselves to sex, and thereby participate in the “mind-blowing” aspects of it, is to make it safe for her to play. The key to her heart clit is making her comfortable. This is the opposite of how you stimulate the brain clit, but therein you see the complexities of dealing with a woman. You have to learn to make her heart feel safe, so that she will let you tickle her brain clit in unsafe ways. It’s required.

I am not going to attempt to explain all the ways to make a woman feel safe, because it would be an impossible task. All women are different; safe to one is scary to another. Some women want to have their hand held every time they go out with their partner, others find this stifling. It’s part of your job to get to know her and understand what makes her feel safe.

“Emotion is the messenger of love; it is the vehicle that carries every signal from one brimming heart to another. For human beings, feeling deeply is synonymous with being alive.”