“Sounds good.  Now point me to the roller coasters.”  He looks around waiting for Gabe to tell him where to go.

“Superman this way.”  Gabe points to the left.

“You two have fun, I am going on the carousel.”  I stop in front of the two-story carousel filled with little kids riding their horses and animals as they go up and down.  It is a feat for me to ride on the top floor.

“What?”  Ian screams.  “We aren’t five, let’s go.”  He pulls my hand.

“I don’t ride roller coasters.” I look him in the eye with seriousness.  I know he is going to push me.  Everyone does but there is only one person that ever got me to ride and he isn’t here.

“Oh come on.”  Ian begs.

“No” my answer short while I plant my feet on the ground.

“I will hold your hand the whole time.”  He says.

“Ian, just go I will catch up to you guys.”

“We aren’t leaving you alone Maddy.”  Gabe says.  “I will stay, you two go ahead.”  A warm feeling spreads across my stomach.

“Nonsense, you two go.  I would love some alone time with my daughter.”  My mom says putting her arm around me.

Gabe winks his eye at my mom and if I were counting that would have been at least the fifth time today.  “Alright then, catch up with us down there ok?”  He says.

“We will, just have fun.”  My mom says.

If I didn’t already know I would believe I was in another life.  My mom wants to spend time with me on purpose.  I smile spreads across my lips.  I guess what people say is right, no matter what you always want to have a relationship with your mother.

My mom and I go up the stairs to the top floor of the carousel.  Since we are here early there isn’t much of a line so we get our pick of animals.  My mom lets me pick first and takes the one next to me.  I can’t help but ask her the questions that have been eating me up the last few days.

“So Mom, you look really good.  Is there a reason for the change?”  I ask gripping the pole in front of me.

“I don’t know, it was time I guess.”  She smiles looking down.  I could tell she is hiding something from me but can’t tell what it is and I pray like hell it isn’t a man for the change.

“I love it mom, you look beautiful.”  I say and when she looks over I don’t think I have ever seen her this happy.

The ride starts and mom and I go up and down with the music.  Little kids are screaming in delight and I can’t help but smile.  This is the last place I remember being when my parents were together.  I can practically feel my dad next to me laughing while standing next to me.  His hands on my back and the way he would kiss my temple before pulling me down after it was over.

My mom is laughing at the kid in front of us because he keeps trying to get off and his dad keeps putting him back.  “You were like that.”  She motions her hand in front of her.  “I always lacked the patience but your dad would go over and over with you until you felt comfortable.”

“I remember.”  My smile dim compared to hers.  She instantly sees the sorrow in mine.

“I know honey.”  She reaches over and pats my knee.  “This week is hard.”

I shake my head in agreement afraid I would lose it right here on the carousel.

When the rides stops my mom puts her arm around me on our way to the stairs.  “Let’s go get that blue cotton candy.”

We start walking around the park sharing a blue cotton candy.  “Thanks mom.”

“For what?”  She asks taking a piece off putting it in her mouth.

“For knowing just what I needed.”  Plopping a piece of blue sticky bite onto my tongue.

“Can we sit for a second?”  My mom motions to a park bench.

“Sure” I am hesitant and think this is the time she is going to tell me about the new man in her life that is the reason for her transformation and newly remodeled house.  The reason she is being nice and concerned over me the last couple days.  Once I say ok and she introduces us it will go back to Maddy go away and hello my new man.

“I wish this would be enough for you but I know it isn’t.  There wouldn’t be anything I could say that would make it better.”  She rambles.

“I’m not following mom.”

“I’m sorry Maddy, for everything.  I should have been a better mother.  I should have been there for you to protect you and watch over you.  Instead I did the opposite putting you in danger.”  Tears stream down her face but she wipes them with the back of her hands.  “God, I didn’t want to do this here but you haven’t been home much since you got back.”

“It’s ok mom, it was a long time ago and I am fine, see.”  I place my hands at my side.

“You’re beautiful, smart and caring.  It kills me that I had nothing to do with that.  You practically raised yourself.”  She remarks.

“Oh mom.  I can’t say I wasn’t bitter towards you but seeing you like this makes me happy.”  I bring my hand down from her head to her toes.  “You look like…”

“A mom” she finishes my sentence.

“Yeah, a mom.”  I confirm.

“It took me awhile to get used to it but I like it too.”  She grins back at me.

“I’m glad.”  I smile genuinely.

“How did I get such a great daughter?”  She puts her arm around my shoulder pulling me into her.

“I don’t know, lucky I guess.”  I shrug my shoulders up against her.

“The luckiest mom ever.  Thank you Maddy.  I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Oh mom.  You stay this way and you won’t have to worry about it.”  I let her hug me.  It’s the closest I have been to her since that night and before that it had been years.

We get off the bench and start walking again towards the rides.

“Maddy I have to talk to you about something else.  I was going to wait until later but after our heart to heart back there I think now is the time.”  She doesn’t face me just looks straight.

The other shoe just dropped along with my stomach.

“What mom?”  My heart is sinking fast.  Why did I let myself fall for her bullshit again?  I can’t believe this is happening.

“I met someone.”  She says it so fast I barely catch it.  “Your brother and Lindsey know and they have already given me their blessing.”

“Blessing for what?”  I ask taking a couple steps away from her.

“He asked me to marry him?  I told him I couldn’t do it without my kids agreeing.”

“Who is he?”  I close my eyes shaking my head back and forth.

“Let’s just say you aren’t the only one who finds the Basso men attractive.”  She smiles and my stomach drops.

“He is the reason for this change?”  I motion up and down her.

She shakes her head up and down biting her lip.

“What about the house?  He remodeled it?”

She shakes her head up and down.

“Why?”  My questions are coming faster and she is getting flustered.

“He didn’t want you to have to come home to where it happened.  Memories of it.”

“You told him?”

She shook her head again.

“You had no right to tell him.”  I whisper and I can feel the tears forming but I push them back as much as I can.  “No wonder he has been so nice to me this week.”  I mumble as my voice shakes.

“I’m sorry Maddy.  I wanted to tell him about my past and when that happened to you it turned the direction of my life another way.  He had to know my past in order to accept me.”  She turns to me now trying to grab my hands but I back away.

“I am just in shock.  That’s why he was over last night?”  I shake my head.  He didn’t come over to see me he came for my mom.  He didn’t care if I was with Trent.  How did I read all of it wrong?

“Yes.  We were going to tell you last night together but you came home so late.”  She reaches for me again to capture that mother daughter moment we just had but I am not ready.

“Mom, just give me some time to absorb this, ok?”   I look everywhere but at her.

“Take all the time you need, honey.”  She steps back away from me.

I walk away unable to breath.  My heart is racing and mixing with the heat I feel like I could pass out.  I throw the blue cotton candy in the garbage.  Retracing the whole time I have been here, I start connecting the dots.  He was there when I got off the plane, rented my car for me.  Picked me up for every function, always watching me and warning me against Trent like everyone else.  Oh my god, he is trying to be my father.  I am such an idiot.  I thought he wanted me but he really wanted my approval to date my mom.  Although the thought of them together actually brings vomit up my esophagus, the real question that boggles my mind is if I am upset about my mom dating Gabe or that I’m not dating Gabe?