“Trent, I am getting tired, could you take me home now?”  I sit up straighter pushing the blanket off me.

“Stay the night.”

“I can’t do that Trent.”

“No…take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.  We’ll go to breakfast in the morning and then talk about us” he is pleading with me.  This is Trent he tells me what I want to hear as long as I do what he wants me to do.

“Trent..,” I sigh.

“I promise Mad, I won’t try anything.”  He crosses his finger on both hands.

“Alright.”  I relinquish already exhausted from my day at Great Adventures and now this.

I say goodnight to Trent giving him a kiss on the cheek and go down the hall.  I curl up in the down comforter laying my head on the goose feather pillows missing it.  Trent’s smell is on the sheets.  I have loved that smell my whole life.  I ponder between Gabe and Trent as my body turns from restlessness to exhaustion.   They have both been there my whole life.  Trent more dominate in the early years but Gabe surprised me in the last five years.  I love them both differently.

Gabe is so reliable and safe where Trent is fun loving and carefree.  Gabe always knows when I need him and seems to put me above all else in his life.  Trent is still pursuing his dream of soccer and I don’t fit in that plan.  He says he changed but I’ve heard that before.   Eventually I shut my eyes thinking about my perfect room so sleep will come.  This is my calming mechanism when I can’t sleep.  I simply close my eyes and envision my perfect living room.  I transform the room from the paint on the walls to the kind of hardwood floors to throw pillows and lamps.  Once I get to the pictures on the wall I am already there dreaming of my designs.

I wake up the next morning feeling more refreshed than I had all week.  Stumbling into the bathroom I am reminded again of how much money Trent has.  The bathroom would be any girls dream.    The tub is so deep I can imagine my body wrapped around a world of bubbles until I turned into a prune.

Drifting my eyes to the sink hoping Trent has a spare toothbrush for me, I find his next to his sink along with his razor, deodorant and toothpaste.  I open up his cologne bottle sitting on the counter filling my nostrils of his light and fresh scent reminding me of being curled up to his side.  Telling me again how deep my history goes with him.  My eyes shift over to the other vanity and there is another toothbrush and toothpaste.  I see a perfume bottle and face moisturizer.  I should have known I am not the only woman to be in Trent’s bed.  When I go to investigate the things I am surprised to find they are all brand new.

Under more careful inspection, it is my perfume on his counter along with my favorite face wash and moisturizer next to a brand new toothbrush.  I hastily open the package desperate to get the grime off my teeth.  As I take the brush in small round circles around my teeth I appraise the bathroom.  It resembles our New York bathroom.  My stuff neatly placed around my sink while Trent’s looks like it was thrown on the counter wherever he was when he finished.  I snoop in his shower to find my shampoo and conditioner along with my fruit scented body wash.  Did he imagine we would pick up where we left off last night?

A rush of guilt fills me making me gasp for my breath.  I spit the toothpaste out leaning on the counter I stare at myself in the mirror.  How did someone so average get caught up in a love triangle between two hot brothers?  Why do they want me when they could each have their pick?  Lastly, how am I supposed to choose between two people who bring me such different things?  Oh I wish I could just mold them together.

Reluctantly I leave the safe haven of the bathroom to face Trent.  I don’t know if I have enough strength to give Trent another chance even if that is what my heart might want.  The problem is I don’t know if I have the strength to tell him I want to be with his brother either.

Walking down the long sprawling hallway bare of any pictures or mementos of loved ones I smell the best thing Trent makes.  When I reach the kitchen I find him over the stove cooking some eggs and hash browns in his pajama pants no shirt.  Reminding me again of how gorgeous a soccer player’s body can be.  He is leaner than his brothers from choosing a different sport that involves more running, his muscles more subtle but still visible.

The cup is already waiting for me on the counter and I can’t grab it fast enough to have the caffeine hit my veins and wake my body up.

“Um…I wish you would tell me what you do.”  I sip down the delicious coffee content with nothing else.

“Secret.”  He smirks looking over his shoulder.

“I have searched everywhere, even bought the kind of coffee you use but it never tastes the same.”  I bring the cup to my lips again blowing on it a little.

“Maybe because it’s the maker.”  He winks while handing me a plate with eggs and ham.

“Nah.  I doubt it.”  I laugh.  “How does someone who can’t make anything but breakfast know how to make the perfect cup of coffee?”

“I chose one meal to perfect.  I picked breakfast, wanted to make sure you thought of me for the whole day.”  He grabs his own cup sitting next to me at the breakfast bar.

“Pretty clever.”  I say.

“I know.”  He shakes his head in agreement.

“So, let’s talk.”  I say.

“After breakfast, Ok?”  He says.

“You keep delaying the inevitable.”

“Maybe.  I just want to enjoy you…us.  The way we used to be.”  He looks down the whole time.  I sense not wanting to see my reaction.

“We can’t turn back time Trent.”  I assure him.

“I know Mad.  Believe me I wish I could.”  His voice low and unsteady.  Maybe he has changed.  Maybe he deserves another chance.

“So why aren’t you in Europe?  I thought you were finishing a season there before coming to Chicago.”  I change the subject.  If he isn’t ready than I am not either.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”  I place my fork down turning my stool to him.

“I’m thinking about retiring.”  He continues to eat as though he just told me he was thinking about getting a fish.

“Why?”  I am shocked and surprised.  Trent to retire at this young of an age must mean there is something wrong.  “What’s wrong?”

“You remember when I ruptured my Achilles tendon?”  He asks.

“Yes.”  I answer.

“I haven’t been the same since.  The surgery fixed it and I have been doing physical therapy like crazy.  I was supposed to be in Europe to ease myself back in before coming back.”  He is still eating not looking at me.  I know he knows what I am going to say and he doesn’t want to hear from me.

“I’m not as fast, not as quick.  Chicago thought they traded for a number one player but now are thinking they got a bench warmer.”  He shakes his head back and forth.

“I couldn’t even play half the games in Europe, it is still too sore.  I don’t want to stick around being a has been Maddy.  If I can’t go out on top, I want to retire before I’m known for how many goals I missed in a game instead of how many I made.”

“Trent, you have to give it time.  Chicago did get a number one player, a star player.”  I put my hand on his shoulder.

“That’s why I have been missing some of Jack’s wedding things.  Chicago’s team doctors brought me back to try some things he think would help.  I meet with them, do certain drills and exercises. Yesterday I had to meet with the owners and coach.  They told me they will give me one season to prove myself before trading me.  I don’t want to be one of those players Maddy.  The player that goes from one team to another every year.”

“I thought you signed a contract.”  I ask.

“I did but only for a year.  I was such an ass when New York traded me for three of Chicago’s players I told them I would only commit to one season.  I was so conceded and full of myself.  I practically told them they would be lucky to have me for the year at the cost because the next year I would cost double.  Now I will be lucky enough to find a team to take me next year.”  He finally pushes his plate away but instead of looking at me he puts his head in his hands.