“Stop talking like that.  You can do this Trent.  Your body was born to play this sport and it will recover and you will be the greatest soccer player again.  All the teams will be begging for you again.”  I try to reassure him standing up to hug him.

“Oh Maddy, thanks but I just don’t know.”  I see a water drop on the counter and I know he is crying.  I have seen Trent cry twice in his life before now.  It wasn’t when he left me at college or when I walked out on him a year ago.  It was when we were eleven and he hugged me good-bye in my driveway before I moved away and that one night we no longer talk about.  I reach over stretching my arms around his shoulders from behind.  He grabs my hands and leans his head towards mine that is resting on his back.

“I promise you Trent, we will get you back to where you need to be.  I will be here for you.”

“Promise Maddy?”  He whispers.

“I promise.”  I’m not sure what I just agreed to but Trent being upset has always made me do desperate things.  Even if I pick Gabe which I’m not so sure right now, I still want to be there for Trent.  He is my best friend and I can’t desert him, not when he needs me so much.

Trent turns around and hugs me wrapping his strong arms around my waist.  I forgot what it feels like when he would rest his head on top of mine burying me into his chest.  His naked chest smells of his soap making me close my eyes savoring the moment.  I pick up my head to stare at him and see he is doing the same.  We have weaved in and out of a love relationship but our friendship has always remained.  We let that falter this year but I won’t let it happen again and from the look on Trent’s face he won’t either.

Just when I am about to move away, I hear a key go into his lock.  Before I can grasp what is happening, I hear bags crashing to the floor.  Trent and I turn around and my body runs cold.  Gabe is standing in the doorway pale faced with glass bottles broken all around him.  I see how he looks and I know he is fearing the worst.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.  I was just coming by to drop off the alcohol for the bachelor party.  Guess I will get out of your way.”  He turns around slamming the door behind him.  I am surprised he got all that out because I am still speechless.

“Gabe!”  I scream after him, unlocking my arms from around Trent I start my way to the door but Trent grabs my wrist.

“Let him go Maddy.  Don’t worry, he will move on.”  He pulls me back to him.  How could he be so callused?  Gabe is his brother.

“What?  Move on?”  I don’t wait for his answers. I am already jumping through the glass tip toeing my way to the door.

“Come on Maddy, don’t do this.  You belong here, with me.”  Trent isn’t following me, just assumes I will listen to him, like always.

I don’t turn around to him or answer him, I swing the door open running down the hall and I am thankful to find Gabe at the elevators.  His face is red and he is holding his hand with his left while blood drips down his forearm.  He hears me coming and tries to slip in the elevator when it dings but I am able to slide in before the doors slide shut noticing the huge dent in the wall I gather from Gabe’s hand.

“Gabe, please listen to me.”  I get right in front of him.  I forget how intimidating he can be up close.  His shoulders much broader than Trent’s and his biceps much bigger.

“No Maddy, I don’t want to hear it.”  He is talking so soft I can barely hear him.

“It was late, I just spent the night because we had both drank.”  I am talking so fast because I know when the doors open he is gone.

“How convenient.  I don’t want the details of your drunken fuck Maddy.”  He clenches his teeth.

“No, Trent slept on the couch.  It wasn’t like that.”  I am pulling on his arms trying to make him look at me.  The elevator is dropping floors so fast I can almost feel him leaving me already.

“You just happened to bring pajamas with you?”  He raises his eyebrows.

I stare down at my tank top and pajama pants.  The ones Trent never got rid of.

“No!”  I scream.  “Trent had these in his drawer from before.”  I can tell he doesn’t believe me though.

“I’m such a fool Maddy.  I actually thought you picked me yesterday.  I should have known.  It’s always been Trent, hasn’t it?”  He starts talking louder.

“No, I do.  I pick you.”  I answer in a panic.  Third floor passes by and I can’t have him leave like this.

“Answer me one question Maddy.”  He finally looks me right in the eye and I want to breakdown right there.  I have torn this man apart; his eyes are turning dead right in front of me.  “Do you still love Trent?”

The bell beeps and the doors open.  I don’t answer Gabe, I can’t.  I do love Trent but I don’t know to what degree or in what capacity.

“That’s what I thought.  Good-bye Maddy.”  He sneaks past me and out the doors.

“Please Gabe.”  I beg falling to my knees in front of the door.  I can’t hold my cries in any longer.  I move over on my knees to press Trent’s floor, then collapse against the wall staring at Gabe’s blood drops on the floor. What have I done?  I think I just let the love of my life slip through my fingers.

Chapter 17 – College Junior Year

Finals are over and I can’t be happier.  One more year left and I will be a college graduate with a Bachelor of Arts.   I am packing my dorm room because Mackenna, Bryan and I rented a house for our senior year.  I am thankful I don’t have to spend another summer at home with mom and her boyfriend of the week.  No more cleaning her mess or locking my door at night in case a stranger stumbled in.  I won’t have to wait in my room until I hear her leave for work or act like I am sleeping when she returns in the middle of the night with some guy smelling of booze and cigarettes.

I already lined up a job at the rec center, a requirement from my dad since he is paying my rent along with tuition.  He will be coming out in a couple weeks to see the house he has only seen in the pictures I sent him.

My clothes are all packed in suitcases, my books in boxes.  My closet still has a mass of miscellaneous things scattered across the bottom.  There is the purple plaid box in the corner.  I forgot all about it, transporting it home and back the last few years.  I open it and then shut it quick.  I shouldn’t do this now.  This is going to be a happy day, moving on my own.  Don’t ruin it I tell myself but I open it anyway.

The pictures are scattered in the box along with little trinkets from the trip.  It includes a bottle of sand with seashells in it.  It isn’t the one you bought in a souvenir shop, we made them together, each taking one home.  As a tear runs down my cheek I realize I should have listened to myself, I shouldn’t have opened this box.

After that night in Cancun when Gabe kissed me, he showed up at my doorstep at nine o’clock the next morning.

“What on earth are you doing here this early?  It’s vacation.”  I rubbed my eyes opening the door but crawling back under the covers.

“We have four days, twenty-one hours, thirty six minutes and eighteen seconds get your lazy ass out of bed.”  Gabe pulled the comforter off of me.

“What the fuck is Asshole number two doing here?”  Mackenna asked throwing a pillow over her head.

“Let’s go, both of you.  It’s vacation we have places to be.”  Gabe striped us both of our blankets.

“Where?”  I asked reluctantly sitting up.

“Breakfast, pool, beach.”  He jumped onto my bed crossing his ankles resting his arms behind his head.  “Now go get ready, I want to spend every waking hour with you before we leave here.”  He whispered in my ear.

My face turned a nice shade of pink and I automatically stood up digging for my swimsuit.  Gabe and I were standing by the doorway waiting for Mackenna to join us but  she threw a pillow at us to get the fuck out.  Laughing we left the room and I shut the door and Gabe pushed me against the wall kissing me.  “Good Morning Maddy.”