“What a nice morning it is.”  I smiled.

Gabe and I spent the next four days together. We hung out at the pool, went parasailing and shopped.  Gabe showed up every morning at my room and kissed me goodnight every night at my door.  Although we did nothing more than kiss each other it was the most intimate time for me which is why it surprised me the morning Kenna and I were to leave to find a note from him tucked under my door.

Maddy,

I hate that I am writing you this letter instead of telling you.  I tried a million times tonight but I couldn’t say it. 

Let me start off my saying how amazing these five days have been.  When the boys dragged me down here I never thought I would not only run into you but be able to spend almost the whole trip with you. 

Being able to touch you, grab your hand or kiss you whenever I want has been a luxury I’ve wanted for a long time.  I meant what I said on the beach that night, my feelings for you run deep.  Even though I can’t explain them completely, I know you could be the one for me.  You could be the one that makes me forget all others and live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, I am not the only one that feels that way.  I hope you understand why I have to do this.  You could never hate me as much as I hate myself for walking away from a woman so perfect for me but my brother saw you first.  I have to honor my promise to him. I have to let him have his chance with you.  Let him prove us both wrong.  Let him prove he does deserve you.

I ask that you give your whole self to him and see where it takes you both.  As much as it kills me it won’t be with me I hope you find happiness with him.

I will love you always Madgirl.

Gabe

I fold the letter back up putting it in the plaid box.  Wiping the tears in my eyes I contemplate how I let him slip out of my life.  I have only seen Gabe a handful of times after that letter and we gave each other politely awkward hellos and good-byes.

I took Gabe’s advice after that letter and starting talking to Trent about a month after we got back from spring break.  He came home that summer for a month and I let him court me but like always Trent was more concerned about his life than my own.  When he got a call to play in Europe for the rest of the summer he was on the next plane swearing we could do the long distance relationship.

The phone calls went from daily to weekly to finally it had been two weeks and I hadn’t heard a thing.  When I would call him it sounded like a party, with girls and guys hollering in the background.  Trent too distracted to have a true conversation.  He never came home that summer before he went back to Thrayer University and I didn’t hear from him until about a month after school had started.

I had already written Trent off at that point but like always he begged for forgiveness stating if he wanted a career in soccer he had to take this serious and couldn’t be distracted.  Of course I forgave him and we rekindled our friendship.  We didn’t talk every day or every week.  We lived out the next two years of our college life as friends, e-mailing and texting with the occasional phone call.  We never asked if either one of us was dating someone not that I was anyway.

Now as I put that box away in my duffle bag, Colt walks into the room to grab my boxes.  Colt is Bryan’s new best friend and will be moving in with us as well.

“You ok” he asks noticing my tears.

“Yeah.”  I wipe my face.

“Great, one day and you already have pms.  Should be a fun year.”  He grabs another box heading out the door.

The four of us get into an easy routine of household chores, although Kenna and Bryan do the majority since they are usually home more often than Colt and myself.  Surprisingly it isn’t awkward sharing a bathroom with Colt which was my biggest fear going into this.

I have finally become myself again.  I came to terms with Trent and Gabe each holding parts of my heart but I let them both go.  Trent has to pursue his dream of soccer and Gabe needs to find a girl who can give her whole heart to him.  I made peace with this decision and am content with it.

The four us are having a roommate dinner on Sunday night, a tradition Bryan made us adhere to.  Regardless of plans we all make our way back by seven o’clock, he even made a rotating schedule so two people cooked the meal but it varied on who it was.  Tonight it is Colt and Kenna’s turn and since neither one is not even close to a chef we get a pasta salad and burgers.  I don’t know what Colt will make when winter comes and he can’t grill.

Although Bryan tells us all to shut our phones off I must have forgotten when I hear it ringing in my bag on the couch.

“Don’t even think about it Maddy.”  Bryan warns me with his fork.

“Let me just turn it off.”  I say to him having no intention of ignoring the call.

“Make it quick.”

“Ok Dad!”  I say to Bryan and the table bursts out in laughter.

I dig through my bag realizing I missed the phone call but hear the ding indicating I have a voicemail.  I dial it up really quickly and am happy to hear Jack’s voice.

“Hey Maddy.  I need you to call me back right away, ok?  Please Maddy.”  Jack’s voice is desperate and pleading.

Before I can redial his number, I hear Kenna’s phone ringing.  Bryan tells her to shut it off but she gets up from the table laughing holding it up to answer and Bryan starts chasing her.  Colt seems completely oblivious eating his third burger.  Bryan wraps his arms around Kenna’s waist as she says hello.

“Hey Jack” her voice confused to why my brother would be calling her.  “Yeah, she’s right here hold on.”  She hands me her phone even though I am still holding mine in my hand.

“What’s going on Jack?”  I ask.

“Listen Maddy, I need you to come home.”  Jack sounds upset and sad. I automatically think my mom has finally done it, she has killed herself by drunk driving or she overdosed.

“Why?”  I whisper back to him.

“Just please come home.”  He begs me.

“I want to know why.  Did she finally fuck up her life even more?  What did she do now?”

“It’s not mom, its…Dad.”

I drop the phone and sit on the couch with my head in my hands.  Mackenna hurriedly picks up the phone talking to Jack.  I don’t hear the conversation or what they are talking about.  Bryan sits by my side taking me into his arms assuring me everything will be alright even though he knows nothing.  Colt even puts down his burger coming over to the couch to see what all the commotion is.

Mackenna hangs up my phone and I feel Bryan stare up to her before he hugs me harder sliding away letting Kenna take his spot.

“We need to go home Maddy.”  She whispers in my ear while her arms hold me tight.  “Your dad is in the hospital.”  She waits a couple minutes while I breakdown before she continues.  “Let’s go upstairs and pack a couple bags.”  She inches me up leading me to the stairs.

Kenna packs our bags and the four of us pile into my Jeep.  Bryan drives while Colt sits shotgun.  Kenna texts the whole time while I stare looking out the window.  She tries to tell me what is going on but all I register is that my dad passed out at Jack’s and he had to call the ambulance.  Kenna says my dad hasn’t woken up but the doctors are taking blood and doing some tests to figure what is going on.  I just want to get there.  I know Bryan is driving as fast as possible but I want him to warp into some tunnel so I could instantly appear next to my dad.

Two hours later we finally pull up to the hospital.  Bryan drops Kenna and me off at the entrance then he and Colt go to park the car.  Kenna has taken complete charge which I can’t thank her enough.  She rushes to the receptionist to find out where we need to go.  She is practically dragging me since my body won’t move.  I can’t believe I am here to see my dad lying in some bed unconscious to the world around him.  She hits the elevator button then pulls out her phone to text someone.