“Madeline, you are being so dramatic.”  She waves her hand while falling into the wall.

“Dramatic?  You brought a date.  You are dressed like a slut because you probably fucked that piece of shit before coming in here.  You make me sick.”  I yell.  Gabe is trying to pull me away out of the room but I pull my arm out of his hands.  “What kind of mother are you?”

“Maddy, just stop.”  Jack is between the two of us putting his hands in front of me signaling we should do this another time.

“Yes Madeline, this isn’t the time.”  Her voice cool as a cucumber.

“Jack, how can you let her get away with this?”  I ask.

“Listen, we are here to bury dad so let’s give him the peace.  The people out there loved him and they deserve to grief the same as we do.  We can discuss these things later.”  He calmly says.  Jack is always the mediator between us.

“I could give a shit about talking later.  This is unforgivable.  I am done with you.”  I stomp out of the room with Gabe in tow leaving Jack to deal with my mother.

I push past her boyfriend right outside the funeral home. I sit on the bench wishing I had a cigarette.  I have always been a stress smoker and this is beyond normal level of stress.

Gabe doesn’t follow me outside, he knows when to push me and when to give me space.  I am surprised when someone joins me on the bench outside.

“I’m sorry Maddy.”  Mrs. Basso puts her hand on my knee.

“Well, not like everyone doesn’t know how screwed up my mom is but this…” I throw my hand towards the door.

“Everyone deals in their own way.”

“Mrs. Basso, with all due respect, look at what she has done.”  I place my head in my hands.

“Don’t worry about her, don’t worry about what she is wearing or who she brought.  You worry about yourself today.  This is going to be one of the hardest days of your life.”  She wraps her arm around me bringing me closer to her.

“Thank you Mrs. Basso.”  I lean closer to her letting her treat me as though I am her daughter.

“Anytime Maddy.  Go in there and grieve for your loss.  Tonight you come stay with us, as long as you need, ok?”

“Ok.”  We stand up walking back in.

I stay away from my mom for the rest of the day and when she screams when my dad’s casket is lowered to the ground I try to focus on me and the realization my dad is gone.  The man, who loved me, cared for me and worried about me.  The one parent I had who lived his life for my happiness is no longer on this earth.

I take Mrs. Basso’s advice and stay at their house for the next week until Gabe goes back to Florida.  I try to encourage him to leave sooner but he insists it is more important for him to be here with me.  Jack and Lindsey take time off from their jobs to clear out my dad’s house in Michigan.  I feel bad for not helping but they say it is fine, I need to concentrate on my last year of school but I think deep down they know I can’t handle it.

Saying good-bye to Gabe is harder than I expect.  It has been the best and worst two weeks of my life.  He never kissed me or touched me inappropriately.  We slept in the same bed every night but he only held me close to his chest while stoking my hair.  We would go on walks and have family dinners with his parents.    When we get to the airport and I walk him into the terminal, I feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry, I will call you when I land.”  He says bringing me into an embrace.

“I’ll miss you.  I can’t thank you enough Gabe.”  I say.

“I am only a phone call away.”

“I would have never gotten through this without you.”

“You are stronger than you think, but I was happy to be here for you.”

“Good luck with the house thing.  Tell Grady and Ryan I said hi.”  I pull away.

“I will.  Have a great senior year.  Think about coming down after you graduate.”  I see the anguish in his eyes, he doesn’t want to push me.

“We’ll see.”  I roll my eyes, he has been trying to convince me to move to Florida after graduation but I told him Florida isn’t really the place for aspiring Interior Designers.

“Bye Gabe.”  I give him one last hug.

“Bye Madgirl” he puts a hand on each side of my face placing his lips on my forehead to kiss me good-bye.  His lips linger and when he pulls away I see doubt run through his body.  He is reluctant to leave me.  Abruptly turning around he walks to the security area but turns around one last time and winks to me before being swarmed up in the crowd of people.

Chapter 18 – Present Day

The elevator doors open to Trent standing in the hallway still half naked.  I pick myself up from being sprawled across the elevator floor walking past him.

“So, what happened?”  His voice cocky.

“What do you think?  He left.”  I say not turning around.

“Figured much.  Maddy, you have to stop fighting this.  We are meant to be together, always have been.”  He has caught up to me now walking along side me.

“Trent.  Not now.”  Tears are still streaming down my face.

“Let him go.”

“I can’t,” I whisper.  I don’t know if Trent heard me or not but when I open the door all the glass and alcohol is spewed on the floor.  I step over the mess walking back to the bedroom.

I dress back in my clothes from yesterday taking my pajamas with me; shoving them in my oversized purse.  Feeling around for my phone to figure out how I am going to get home from here.  The last person I will ask is Trent.

“Stop it Mad, I will take you home.”  He stands in the doorway then enters walking into his closet.  He comes back out wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

“You don’t have to, I can call someone or catch a train that will get me closer to Belcrest.”  I start walking out but he grabs my arm pulling me back.

“Jesus Maddy, what do I have to do?”  He asks.

“You don’t have to do anything.”  I spout.

“I said I was sorry, I’ve changed.  Why is that not enough for you?”

“God Trent.  You just don’t get it.  You have been everything to me for half my life.  The love you gave me was so big and great but the other half of my life…” I can’t stop the tears anymore so I let them fall.  I can’t change who they are for even if I try.

“What Maddy?”  He speaks so soft I barely hear him.

“You destroyed me.  I don’t want to pick myself up from you again.  One of these times I won’t survive it.”

“I’m sorry.  I know I have been a jack ass to you but I swear if you give me a second, third or whatever chance this is I will prove it to you.”  He sits me on the bed and gets down on his knees in front of me holding my hands.

“Trent, that’s not the only reason.”  I silently say.

“Gabe?”  He confirms pulling his hands away from me.

“When you were destroying me he was picking me up.  You both hold a place in my heart and I don’t want to lead either one of you on but…” here comes my rambling.

“What do you want from me Mad?  Anything just name it.”  He picks up his head placing his hands on each of my hips.

“Nothing.  Trent…you are who you are.  I either have to accept it or not.”  I put my hands on his face, the sweet face that gave me my first kiss and my first sexual experience and most of all my first love.  Now all grown up with blonde stubble on his cheeks I can’t break his heart not like he did mine.

“Please don’t choose him.”  He shakes his head back and forth.

“Trent” I sigh.

“Give it time, think about it Maddy.  You have always been the one for me.  You take care of me, believe in me and love me no matter who I am.  You know how great it is to know you don’t love me because of my money or that I am a soccer player for the Soccer National League.”

“There are girls that don’t care about that, you just don’t hang out with them.”

“No girl compares to you.  I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”

“I can’t make this decision now Trent, please don’t make me.”  I beg him.