“How could you possible think I know who I want to be with?  Did you not hear how complicated this situation is?”  I ask in disbelief.

“I can hear it when you told the story.  Your mannerism and voice changed when you were talking about one of them more than the other.  There were words here or there where I could tell which one you love more.”

“That’s just it Jack, I don’t think I love one more than the other.”

“Yes you do Maddy.  Listen, you couldn’t pick a worse triangle, I mean brothers are bad but the Basso’s are so close.  Their brotherly bond is so thick and tight which makes me understand how much they both must love you.  No ordinary girl would come between those two, Gabe wouldn’t betray his brother like that for some girl he didn’t love or see a future with.  If Trent didn’t love the girl as much as his brother he wouldn’t fight to overcome him.  I also know that their love is so deep for each other once you make your decision, your honest no going back decision, the other will step down.  Don’t get me wrong it will be hard at first and it might take time for the brothers to heal but they will come back together in time.”

I shake my head in agreement.

“Maddy, the time has come.  You have to make this decision and soon.  If you don’t I am afraid you will lose them both.  From what you say they are both close to their breaking points, Gabe might already be there.”

“I know, I know.”  I agree.

“You had to wait for my wedding.  Lindsey warned me about this but I thought she was crazy.”  He shakes his head in amusement but I see the stress along with it.

“I will wait until Sunday.”  I say thinking this will make the situation tolerable.

“Oh no you won’t.  I am not going to have some big blow up at my wedding, which is going to happen if you keep stringing them along.  You make that decision tonight Maddy.  You either pick one of them or yourself.  Whatever you decide it has to be it.  You need to do it for not only yourself for them.”  He seems angry and upset.

“I’m sorry.”  I put my head down playing with my straw.

“I don’t mean to be cruel.  I am just trying to tell you how it is.  I love you Maddy and I hope you pick the person in your heart because you deserve the happiness that you never got.  You deserve to have someone there for you and cherish you.  Someone who thinks the world of you and will stand by your side when you need them the most and someone you want to stand by when they need you.”  He looks like he might cry.

“You’re going to make an excellent husband Jack.  Lindsey’s lucky.”  I say putting my hand over his on the table.

“I keep telling her that but she doesn’t believe me.”  He laughs.  Then I realize he is my father.  Somewhere in our screwed up childhood Jack developed my dad’s fatherly qualities and he has perfected them.

“Can I ask you something?”  I stop laughing noting to him this is back to serious.

“Go ahead.”  He nods his head to me.

“How can you forgive Mom?”  I know what he is going to say so I don’t know if I am asking just to hear it or hoping he will say something else.

“It took a while.  When she first went to rehab I didn’t believe it would work.  I was ready to write her off especially after Dad’s funeral.  She came to me about six months after rehab and asked me to attend some family counseling classes with her.  I went, Linds did too and with time I guess I forgave her.”

“How come she never asked me?”  I ask feeling a pain of jealously that she didn’t deem me important to go to family counseling.  Am I not a part of this family?

“She knew she had a lot more to make up to you.  She wanted to prove herself to you.  To be honest Mad, it’s not like you were welcoming to her calling or visiting.  I mean you haven’t been home since…”

“Yeah” I bite the inside of my cheek.  I guess I haven’t given her room to make an effort.  She did try to call me and even asked Trent if she could come out to visit us in New York but I refused.

“What she’s done.”  I shake my head.  “I just don’t know if I can forgive her.”

“It might take time but Maddy, she’s our mom.  As much as it sucks what she put us through, she is trying to make amends, trying to be the mom we need now.”  Jack is always the forgiving one.  I guess that missed my gene pool.  “Give it time.  Try to allow her in your life and see where it goes.”

I shake my head afraid if I speak I will cry and Jack has taken more than enough time on me today.

“Are we good?”  He asks.

“Yeah, thank you Jack.”  I look at his matching emerald eyes thankful to have him in my life.

“Good.”  He motions to the waitress for the bill.  “Maddy, please call me when you have a problem.  I want to be the brother you deserve as well.”

“Same goes here.”  I say and we get up and hug.  Somehow my body is at peace in this moment.  I can’t explain it but my body feels like my own again.

“Now, I have a Bar-B-Que I have to get going.”  He looks down at his watch and takes out his phone.  “I’ll see you there, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”  I say.

He gives me a kiss on the cheek and starts jogging towards his house.  How is he able to run after fries and milkshake?  I turn in the opposite direction walking towards my mom’s house.  I am thankful for Jack and he is right, I should accept my mom’s apology and I need to choose.  Is Jack right, is there one I love more?  I don’t feel like there is well, maybe. Ugh…I don’t know.  Then I hear the one voice that hates me more than I hate myself over this mess.

“Madeline.”  She says in disgust.

“Hello Mrs. Basso.”  I respond.  Could my day get any worse?

Chapter 19 – Spring Break Senior Year

Once I started back at school, time went by slow.  Mackenna, Bryan and Colt always made sure I wasn’t alone.  If Gabe wasn’t calling he was emailing me even Skyped me a couple times to make sure I was holding up.  It took me about a month after my dad died to start going out and enjoying myself a little more.  My life to that point had consisted of work and school.  As much as I loved my friends concern I desperately wanted to be alone.

When spring break came around they were planning this big trip up north for stating it is our last time.  I reluctantly agreed thinking I could go on long walks or read a book relaxing.  I love my friends but I am still confused and it still bothers me that Trent never came to my dad’s funeral.  Gabe is in constant contact with me, still begging me to come down to Florida after graduation.  I need to make decisions and I desperately miss my dad.  He would be the person I could talk to about this.  Kenna wants to be there for me but she is biased towards Gabe.  She hates Trent but that doesn’t change my feelings for him.

I came home from class early to hear Mackenna and Bryan yelling at each other.  This is unusual for them.  They only argue about one thing or should I say one person.  My heart sinks into my stomach, what is he going to do to my life now.

“He is not going with us.”  Kenna spats at Bryan.

“What was I supposed to say?  He is one of my best friends.”  Bryan comes back sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

“Was Bryan.  He WAS one of your best friends.  He WAS one of mine too but what he did to her was unforgivable.  How could you forgive him after that?  You saw how much it killed her when he didn’t come.”  Mackenna is talking about me but where is Trent going with us.  Wait…Oh Shit!

“She didn’t seem so upset in Gabe’s lap.”  Bryan says.

“Bryan Jacob Edwards.  She had to find comfort and he was the one there not your jackass friend.”  She shouts back at him.

“Come on Kenna.  You know she has feelings for Gabe.”

“Maybe…but that doesn’t excuse Trent’s actions.”  She sits next to him putting her hand on her forehead in exhaustion.

“I know that but it’s hard for him too.  You have to see his side of all this.”