I sit there quietly for a while contemplating how to go about this because it’s a sore subject for her. But to really convince her I have to say it. I grab her hand between both of mine, happy when she doesn’t pull away. “Kailey,” I bite my lip, wishing I still had my piercing to fidget with. “Don’t you think I would have approached you before the airplane?” Her face falls and her eyes dart to the table, and she attempts to pull her hand from my grip. Grasping it harder, I entwine our fingers and place my finger under her chin, bringing her face up to look at me. “I don’t say it to hurt you. I regret every day before that airplane ride. If I could go back and change it, I would, but we can’t. It proves Kailey that I really had no idea. Please, believe in what we’ve built together. I know it took me forever to find you, but the day I did everyone else disappeared.” My teeth find my lip again, nervous habits are hard to break.

Then she walks over to the wooden table, opening the bottom drawer. As soon as she pulls it out, I figure out what it is. She rests it on the table and takes a seat. The pastel colored book labeled Our Baby Girl grips at my heart. “Here you go,” she pushes it toward me, and I hesitantly begin to open. “Jen and Caden tried for three years to have a baby. She went through rounds of fertility treatments. They explored international adoption, but domestic as well. One case fell through. It was to be an open adoption. The birth mom changed her mind after two weeks. Jen had already mothered that baby. Set up to get breast milk from one of those agencies. It devastated her. They agreed that they would only do closed adoption after that. They were on wait lists after wait lists, and Jen was growing extremely impatient. I remember the day she told me about Chloe. She was so excited, but I could see the fear in her eyes that one day, she would be taken away from her.”

As Kailey explains Jen and Caden’s struggles, I open the book of my baby’s life. The first picture is the same as mine. I run my hands over them, starting on the day they received her to her first birthday. Her happiness displayed in each one of her smiles and laughs caught by the camera shows me I made the right decision. On her first birthday, there’s one with Kailey and her. Their cheeks side by side, smiling widely for the camera with a great big princess cake in front of them.

“There are more pictures, but Jen and Caden moved here right before Jen got diagnosed, so most of them are still boxed up in the basement. I hope you don’t mind, I read the letter Jen wrote to you before she sent it. It’s all true, she was very grateful to you and Zoey for giving them the opportunity to love and raise Chloe.” Her voice breaks, and I nod. The letter we got with the pictures was a simple and heart filled letter from Jen, thanking us for being brave and trusting enough to give our daughter up for adoption. It’s a letter that kept me going in those early years, a reminder that I did the right thing.

“Are Tara and Drew adopted?”

“No, Jen became pregnant with Tara right after they adopted Chloe. It’s that same story, when the stress of trying stops, it happens.”

“Does Chloe know?” I’m glad Kailey seems okay with me asking questions.

“She knows she’s adopted. Jen and Caden have always been upfront with her. Not sure what we’ll say now.” Yeah, that’s a whole other question and answer round I’m not quite ready for yet.

“I want you to know that I loved Chloe just as much when she wasn’t mine as I do knowing she is. It’s no different than my love for Tara and Drew.” I begin to plead my case, hoping she’ll face this together with me.

She looks around the room. “Will you fight me for her?” her question throws me.

I close my eyes and open them. “No,” I whisper, knowing I’ll barely hang on to a life without any of them. “If you think you’ll be happier without me, I’m gone. I wouldn’t rip her from the life she’s known all these years.”

“What if she wants to find you one day?”

“That’s your decision,” I scoot the envelope back her way. “You can give her this.”

She eyes it on the table for what seems like hours and then looks up at me. “You can give it to her yourself.” She nudges the letter back my way and smiles gently.

“So you’re not pushing me out?”

“Nope.”

“What are we going to say?” I question her.

“I’m not sure— I’m sorry for what I said.” She squeezes my hand. “I shouldn’t have come to that conclusion. I was just taken aback. Not that there’s—,”

I stop her from talking by placing my lips on hers. “It’s okay. I understand. But next time, will you just stand still? My feet are getting sore from all the running.” I laugh, but she just bites her lip. “I love you,” I say and her lips turn up.

“I love you too. I promise from this moment, I’ll never run away from you again.”

“Deal.” I kiss her again. “When do you think our life will become simple?” I ask.

“Well, how old is Drew? So, seventeen years, maybe.”

“Nah, do you actually think I’m not going to knock you up with a couple kids?” I gently pull her up and into my lap. “We’re looking at years of chaos,” I add.

“I look forward to every second,” she says, kissing me on the lips. Then she stands up and holds her hand out to me, and I immediately join her. “Let’s go have some fun with our family at the park.”

“I have no shoes,” I say, glancing at my bare feet.

“I guess we’ll have to keep all of them here from now on.” She wraps her arms around my waist.

“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

“Hey, who wouldn’t want a hot, sexy D.I.L.F. hanging around the house?” she shrugs her shoulders.

“Now there’s a killer nickname. But shit, that makes you a M.I.L.F.”

3 months later...

“So, you’re my Dad?” Chloe asks while scooping the chocolate chip sundae into her mouth fast enough to cause an imminent brain freeze.

“I’m your biological Dad, yes. But your dad is still your dad. You have two,” I explain to her, and Kailey squeezes my leg.

“So do I call you Dad, instead of Trey?” She asks, placing the heaping amount into her mouth.

“That’s up to you.” I’m not even sure what I want her to call me. I just want her to be comfortable.

“Can I think about it?” she mumbles through her ice cream.

“For as long as you want,” I assure her.

We took Chloe out to dinner, just the three of us, and surprisingly she took the news well. After she finishes her ice cream, we file out of the booth and she grips both our hands. Her head bobs from me to Kailey, and we smile down at her and then at one another. “I miss Mommy and Daddy. But I like our new family too.” She lets go of our hands, skipping ahead of us, and my hand finds Kailey’s. Her warmth spreading through my body like it always has.

“I like our new family too,” I say to Kailey and kiss her on the cheek.

“It went better than I expected,” she mentions, and I nod in agreement.

“Let’s go home.”

When we walk into the house, Jessa sits on the couch with Tara curled up along her small belly. Grant’s on the floor playing hot wheels with Drew. “Look at you two getting ready for parenthood,” I say, announcing our arrival.

“It’s relaxing and nice,” Jessa says, and Kailey laughs.

“Come over more often,” she sits on the couch next to Tara.

If it wasn’t for our friends, we wouldn’t have gotten through the last three months. Holly and Clyde wanted to stay, but we sent them home, saying we could handle it. Kailey attends most her classes at night, so she can stay home while I’m at work. If I have to quit my job I will, but she’ll graduate if it’s the last thing I do. Our friends frequently babysit and visit us so regularly they’ve already earning the pseudo names Aunt and Uncle.

Jen and Caden’s room still remains shut, the suitcases still sit on the floor, Jen’s hairbrush on the sink. Kailey isn’t ready just yet, and I’m not going to push her. Their pictures adorn the walls, and we talk about them often, so the kids remember their parents. All of us together, alive and dead, make up this house, as a family.