“Lizzy tried to calm him down, but it seemed like whatever she said just got him angrier. Eventually, he slapped her and that’s when I stepped in front of her. He immediately started challenging me. I really tried to keep it together, but hearing Lizzy’s cries behind me, I couldn’t contain myself. Anger at everything he’d put her through seeped into my pores and I started punching him over and over again until Lizzy pulled me off. I told Lizzy to get her stuff, that we were going to leave, and she wouldn’t be coming back. When we walked into the house, her mom was lying on the floor by the couch with blood running from her nose and mouth. Lizzy ran to her in hysterics, falling to her knees, but her mom was already dead. We didn’t know what had happened before we got there, but I called the paramedics and the police.” Grant looks down at me and I give him another reassuring nod.

“When the police came, we were all questioned. The paramedics took her mom’s body away and then her dad was taken to the hospital. Lizzy just sat in the middle of the room, where she rocked back and forth with a blank expression on her face. The police took her to the station and I followed in my car. Since she was already eighteen, she didn’t have to go into foster care, and I thought it’d be the perfect time for us to make a break from Western. But it seemed she had another idea.” His voice is slightly shaky and he pauses for a moment before continuing.

“I went to the bathroom while she was talking to the detectives. When I came out, she was gone. The detective told me that they’d just released her and assumed I’d taken her home. I ran outside to see if she was waiting for me, but the streets were empty. On the windshield of my car, there was a folded-up letter. It pretty much said that I deserved better than her, and that she was leaving town and I shouldn’t look for her. But I knew the real reason. She blamed me for making her sneak out of the house, and how could she not? If I hadn’t been so selfish, she would’ve been home. Of course, I still hopped in my car and drove the streets, but it was as though she had vanished.” He stops talking and takes a deep breath.

“It tore me up, Jessa. She didn’t even come back for her mom’s funeral. I’m not even sure she knows how it all happened. See, her mom died of an overdose, not because of a beating from her father. But her dad still got three years in prison for the drugs they found on him.” He seems dejected, but he gives me a small grin. “Her dad was the man in the diner that night, the one with the dagger tattoo on his arm.” I nod my head, remembering him clearly.

“So you never heard from her again?” I ask, hoping like hell he hasn’t.

“No, and I was messed up for years. Probably all the way up until I met you. It’s what kind of made me not want to fall in love,” he confesses. And although his story breaks my heart, I can’t help but feel pleased to know that I’m the one who brought him back.

“Do you ever think about finding her?” I bite my lip in apprehension of his answer.

“I did for a while, but now…I know what I felt for her might’ve seemed like love, but it wasn’t the ever after kind. You gave me that, Jessa,” he finishes and kisses the top of my head. I can’t hide my happiness as I stare up at his blue eyes that are filled with sorrow but also love…love for me.

Grant

God, it’s such a relief that it’s all out there. No more secrets. Jessa knows everything, and she seems okay with it. I turn off the light and wrap my body around hers. She sighs slightly, and when I hear her faint breathing, I know she’s asleep. I wish I could sleep. You’d think I’d be able to, knowing I’m not keeping anymore secrets from her. Sure, I held back the part where I searched every nearby town for three months after Lizzy left. Or how I was able to sweet talk the lady at the phone company to give me her call logs. I chased all those leads, leaving me with nothing before they went cold completely, and I assumed she’d ditched her phone for a new one.

But Jessa doesn’t need to hear those details. They don’t matter, because I love her. I love her so much more than I ever loved Lizzy. Looking back, Lizzy was a love I was desperate for, not a love I necessarily desired. I just wanted someone to love me, and since Lizzy had so many problems at home, I think I liked being her savior. The feeling of someone needing me made me feel as though I mattered. Of course, the disadvantage to feeling that way is that I was reduced to nothing when she left. How does someone who supposedly loves you so much just up and leave, tearing your heart to shreds?

As much as it killed me when Lizzy left, holding Jessa in my arms reconfirms that it all happened for a reason. It lead me here, with Jessa. I hope Lizzy’s happy with whatever life she’s built for herself, but I need to let her go. If Jessa and I are truly going to make it, I have to release the guilt I’ve been carrying around for these past few years.

I slip my arm out from under Jessa and stand up to make my way to the kitchen. When I turn the corner, I’m surprised to find Brady leaning against the counter. He looks disheveled and worried with his head resting in one hand, while the other twirls a beer bottle around in a circle.

“What are you doing up, man?” I ask him, walking toward the fridge. I grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter across from him.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he answers, not bothering to look up.

“Why not?” I ask and he finally lifts his head. The agony in his eyes is clear.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he says, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Yeah, but I asked first,” I joke and he gives me an empty laugh.

“You got me there,” he says before adding, “I think it’s time, and I’m kind of freaking out.”

“You lost me, time for what?” I twist the lid off and let the cool water flow down my throat.

“Time to propose to Sadie. I bought the ring a month ago, but haven’t had the nerve to do it.” He starts peeling the label off his full beer bottle.

“You guys are awesome together. I thought you got through all that bullshit?” To say Sadie and Brady’s path to love was hard is an understatement, but they made it. I don’t know what to think now. If Brady’s worried about the two of them, what am I supposed to think about me and Jessa? They were my example of how-to-make-it-to-forever-land.

“What if I end up like one of them? I would never forgive myself for doing that to Sadie.”

“Brady, we aren’t our parents. You have to stop thinking we’ll turn into them. They made their mistakes, and we’ll probably make ours, but not necessarily the same ones. You love Sadie, right?” I ask, already knowing his answer. It’s most likely the same way I feel for Jessa.

“More than my next breath.” A smile spreads across his lips, just thinking about her.

“Then let it go. Love her and let her love you. The rest will fall into place,” I tell him, and before Brady can say something smart-ass, I already realize I should take my own advice.

“Pretty good advice there, Mr. Unemotional,” he teases. Straightening up, he pours out his beer in the sink before disposing of the bottle.

“I’m like a teacher, except I can’t seem to take my own advice,” I admit and he chuckles.

“You’re getting there. Did you tell her yet?” The look in his eyes makes me thankful that I can give him the answer he wants to hear.

“Yeah…she knows everything now. No more secrets.”

“Good, that’s the way it should be. Now just love her, and more importantly, let her love you.” He clasps his hand on my shoulder and walks out of the room.

I finish my water at the breakfast table, loving the fact that Jessa and I are finally on the same page. For the first time since before Lizzy entered my life, I feel ready. Ready to give myself over to someone else entirely. Who am I kidding though? Jessa’s held my heart since that kiss on New Year’s Eve. It was only a matter of when she was going to get the rest of me.