Will reaches up to take the shoes, but instead of taking hold of them, he grabs my wrists and begins to pull me down to the ground. “Mommy’s turn; get her!”

I gasp in surprise and am thrown off balance enough that I tumble to the floor. Blake and Emma immediately begin wiggling their miniature fingers against my sides and under my arms. I join in the fun and laugh, but it’s not until Will begins to attack my knees that I lose complete control. My hands fly to his, trying to push away from his strong grip and scream through laughs, pleading for him to release me.

“What do you think, guys? Have we tortured her enough?” he asks the kids.

“Yes,” I yelp. “Momma’s done. Will, please,” I add with a giggle.

“All right, I think she paid the toll. Let’s get up and finish getting ready.” The kids jump up immediately, and Will slowly stands, holding a hand out to help me up. I lay flat for a minute in silent protest before taking his offer.

Once I’m standing again, I reach up to feel my disheveled hair. It had been a stylish messy up-do; now it’s closer to the rat’s-nest messy end of the spectrum. “Will, look at this mess. We need to be leaving, and now I have to go re-fix my hair,” I whine.

“Hush, woman, there could be an actual bird nesting in there and you’d still be gorgeous,” he says, pointing to my hair. “Now, grab your bag and let’s go soccer it up.” He slaps my ass hard enough to make me squeal, and then waltzes out of the bedroom grinning.

“Load up, crew!” I hear him yell from the hallway, as I stand in place, rubbing my injured butt-cheek. His playfulness was always something I adored about him, but sometimes, I swear it feels like I’m raising three kids instead of two.

After a quick hair intervention for Emma and myself, as well as a round of, ‘Hun, have you seen the car keys?’ we all make it to the SUV. Armed with our chairs, cooler, sparkly shoes, and shin guards, we pull away from our comfortable little farm house, and out onto the dirt driveway to head to the next town over for Blake’s peewee soccer game.

I knew that when Will and I moved back to my hometown after we got married, life would slow down. I’ve experienced both ways of living, and rural life is drastically different from in the city. Trips to the nearest grocery store are planned events. Attending your kids’ sporting events always means travelling more than thirty minutes to another town. Everyone knows everyone, and is always interested in the latest gossip; thus, you never go on said grocery trip in your sweatpants, because you WILL run into someone you know or are related to. The thing is I never appreciated those things growing up; I saw it all as an inconvenience. Now that we have children though, I value our little cocoon; it’s small, and it’s safe.

The kids in the back seat are busy singing the newest songs that they’ve been taught at preschool–ones that I’ve learned to tune out after hearing them for the millionth time. What is cute one minute can quickly feel like nails on a chalkboard, and turning up the car stereo encourages them to belt out their tunes even louder. So Will and I have mastered the skill of tuning out while in the car. It’s a fine art.

I stare out the window, into the never-ending corn and alfalfa fields, most of which have already been harvested. The corn that is still in the ground will be used for cow feed, and many farmers have begun readying their acreage for late planting. The rows of fields are almost hypnotic.

These are the times when I let my mind travel to places it shouldn’t…Brooks. I know that I absolutely love Will; he pieced me back together when I thought I was broken beyond repair. He loved me until I was ready to love myself again. But every now and then, Brooks will infiltrate the security that Will and I built together. He and I were a lifetime ago, and as much as I wish I didn’t, I still have this space in my heart for him. As much as I love Will, Brooks is someone I could never forget.

I feel Will’s large hand wrap around my thigh; he gently squeezes, pulling me from my thoughts. “What’s going on in that head of yours, love? You worried about the kids staying at Charlotte’s house tonight?” he asks with a gentle smile.

“No, the kids will be fine. I’m just thinking about the lesson plans and grading I need to get done tomorrow for school on Monday.” I’m completely lying through my teeth, but I’m positive that he wouldn’t want to hear, nor would he understand the truthful version. I don’t regret for one second my life with Will; he and the kids have become my life. But there are times that Brooks creeps in, and I think about what life would have been like with him. I don’t know what was going on with him, why he cheated, but I never got a chance to find out. No sooner did our relationship end, he left school and I never heard from him again. It left a void in me that Will eventually fixed.

A crooked grin spreads across his face, “Well, I promise you’ll want to sleep in before you get started on school stuff tomorrow. I have plenty planned to keep you awake tonight. We haven’t been on a date night in months, and I’m not going to waste a single second of it.”

I reach my hand up to the back of Will’s neck and begin lightly scratching the base of his hairline with my fingernails. It’s one of his favorite things, and his eyes close briefly to enjoy the sensation. “I’m ready for whatever you’ve got, Mr. Matthews,” I coo into his ear as I lean across the seat console.

He takes his hand off my thigh and grips the steering wheel tightly; a low throaty groan escapes his mouth. I pat his neck and return to my seat with a huge grin on my face; yup, we both can be playful. “You are a wicked woman, Mrs. Matthews,” he says, attempting to adjust himself. “You’ll pay for that later,” he adds with a wink.

“I’m counting on it,” I tell him, reaching across the seat to feel his excitement, which only makes his condition worse. He quickly removes my hand and places it on my own thigh. “As much I love where this is headed, we are almost there, and I don’t want to be the creepy dad at the game who can’t stand and cheer for his son because his zipper is about to break.”

I laugh and hold my hands up in surrender, “Sorry, take a second and get it under control; I need you to carry all of the stuff to the field.”

Will glances at me from the corner of his eye, “I’m glad you find me useful. I am here to serve,” he jokes.

As soon as he pulls into the parking lot and puts the car into park, both kids unbuckle and begin to demand that we open their doors. Thank goodness for child lock, or on multiple occasions we would have had two small children running wild in between cars before we could even get our seatbelts off.

Will hits the button for the back hatch, and we pile out to let the munchkins loose and gather our soccer tailgating supplies. We make our way to the field to set up our cheering site along the sideline. Charlotte and her husband, Elton, are already there, along with my mother.

“Gram!” Emma shouts, breaking away from my hand and running to Mom, hopping into her lap. “I get to stay at Aunt Charlotte’s tonight. Daddy said he’s sending me with candy to share with everyone.”

Charlotte and my mom both shoot deadly glares our way, but Will completely ignores them, leaving me to respond. “He was only kidding; if we send them with anything, it will be highly-nutritious snacks that will only further their growth and improve their percentile range at their next well-child check-up.” Sensing my sarcasm, they both roll their eyes.

“Well, isn’t that thoughtful of your daddy, but we have plenty of snacks at our house you can have,” Charlotte says in her most condescending tone.

We move our chairs just a tad out of range of them, so that we can actually enjoy the game. I love my family, but I want to watch Blake play soccer, not listen to my mom and Charlotte gossip and carry-on about everyone in our little town, judge mine and Will’s parenting skills, or lecture me for the hundredth time that I needed to stay home with my children instead of pretending like I’m some kind of career woman. Yup, the circle of love is suffocating.