Turner better start figuring this shit out soon because I can’t pull off another stunt like today or they’re going to know something is up.

IT’S BEEN A week since I’ve been able to check on Elizabeth. After my “failed” attempt to kill Hutchison, the guys have been watching me like a hawk, so I couldn’t risk it. I want nothing more than to take her from that monster right now and run away with her. I have to fight the impulse to do so every day I’m not with her. But I know it won’t solve the problem, and as much as it pains me to leave her there, I know I have to for the time being.

Today is the first chance I’ve had to head to her house. And even though I won’t be able to actually see her in person, I can’t help but feel excited just being near her, to see her in some way. When the cab drops me off down the street, I pull my baseball cap down so my face is hidden and walk toward the SUV. I knock on the window to get Tyler’s attention. He unlocks the door when he realizes it’s me.

“How’s it going, man?” he asks once I’m in the car.

“I’ve been better. Where is she?” I don’t want to make conversation. I just want to see my girl.

He hands me the monitor he was watching. “She’s in the kitchen sitting at the island.” A sharp pain hits my chest when my eyes fall on her. She’s sitting on my favorite stool, elbows resting on the counter, head hanging low. She looks so fucking sad.

Defeated.

And it kills me knowing I’m responsible for some of that. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and take away all her pain. To live a normal life where it’s just her and I and there’s no threat to her safety and no secrets between us. She doesn’t move for what feels like hours and I start to think the video froze or something. Finally, she slowly gets up, walks over to a cupboard, and gets a glass out. While she’s filling it with water, I notice something sitting on the counter I didn’t see before since her body was blocking it. I can’t quite make out what it is though.

“Can you zoom in on that right there?” I ask as I point to the screen.

“Yeah, we can take a still image and blow it up from there. Hold on.” He reaches behind my seat and pulls out a laptop. By the time he’s got it fired up, she’s already grabbed the item and is taking it upstairs.

“She’s leaving the room. Switch the cameras,” I tell him, anxiety clear in my voice. Call it one of my hunches, but something just doesn’t feel right.

“There aren’t any cameras in the hallways. We’ll have to switch to each room and find her.” He starts flipping from screen to screen until we find her in the room I used to stay in. It makes me wonder if she goes in there often. The thought alone takes the air out of me, knowing she’s holding on to us. She sits on the edge of the bed and so many memories flash through my mind. All the sleepless nights I’d spent staring up at the ceiling wishing I could push my feelings for her to the side. But at the same time wanting to be with her so damn bad. The night she came to me when she was upset and asked to sleep in my bed. I got to hold her and comfort her without apology. But none of that lives up to the moment when she gave herself over to me completely.

For as long as I live, I’ll never forget a second of when we were together. Every sigh and each moan that left her lips is permanently etched into my mind. In that moment, we were one person, expressing to each other things we may not have been ready to say out loud. Now I could kick my own ass for not manning up and telling her I love her.

“What is she doing?” I mumble, squinting my eyes as I bring my face closer to the screen. She’s sitting in the middle of the bed as she holds the item from the kitchen out with one hand, glass of water in the other. That’s when I figure out what it is.

A bottle of pills.

Concern immediately prickles up my spine as she stares at the bottle for several minutes. “What are you doing, sweetheart?” I whisper. As if she heard me, she sets the glass down between her legs as she pops the top off the bottle. She dumps a handful of them into her palm and stares at them again. “No.” There’s no fucking way she’s about to give up like this. I won’t let her. She takes the dozen or so pills in her hand and tosses them back into her mouth.

“Kill the feed!” I yell to Tyler as I push the door open and sprint as fast as I can toward her house.

“I don’t know if I can before you . . .” I can’t hear the rest of his sentence over the pounding of my feet on the pavement and my heart in my chest. My hat flies off my head as I race down the street. My legs burn as I dig deeper, running faster than I ever have before. The adrenaline pumping through my veins serves as the fuel needed to push my body harder. All of my concerns about the mission fly out the window as I do everything humanly possible to get to her as fast as my legs will carry me. I don’t give a shit if I get caught at this point. She needs me, and dammit I’m going in for her. Once I reach the front door, I don’t bother knocking. I turn the handle, thankful it’s not locked, and rush up the stairs to the bedroom. My chest heaves up and down as I stare at her lying quietly on the bed. Her eyes cut over to me, and her face drains of all remaining color. She looks like she’s seen a ghost, and, in a way, I guess she has.

“What are you doing to yourself?” My voice chokes on the last word. Seeing her like this is tearing me in two. I walk over to the bed and grab her gently by the arms before hoisting her off of it. She’s a little unsteady on her feet, the pills starting to work their way through her system. I scoop her up behind her knees and carry her to the bathroom before setting her down. “You need to throw up and get this shit out of your system. Can you stick your finger down your throat?” She doesn’t say anything and just looks at me with tear filled eyes while shaking her head back and forth. I’m sure seeing me standing here is a shock to her, but we need to focus on her first. “Sweetheart, if you don’t do it, I’ll have to call 9–1-1 so they can pump your stomach at the hospital.” That seems to snap her out of it.

She turns toward the toilet on shaky legs and sticks her finger down her throat. After gagging a few times, she finally starts to expel the contents of her stomach. Seeing all the pills floating in the water absolutely guts me as the reality of the situation settles in and the adrenaline starts to fade. I’m fighting back the urge to destroy something to get rid of this feeling eating away at me right now. Why would she think this was her only option?

When she can’t get anymore up, she collapses on her ass and sits back. I start counting the pills in the toilet, seeing fourteen.

“How many did you take? Do you think it was more than fourteen?” I’m recounting when I don’t hear her answer me. Turning around, I see her staring at me with wide eyes as tears run down her face. “Oh, Elizabeth,” I say on a sigh. Sitting down in front of her, I don’t know what to say. Out of all the times I imagined seeing her again, none of those visions went down like this.

“You’re—you’re d-dead,” she says, the rawness of her throat causing her words to come out only above a whisper. I shake my head.

“No, they just wanted you to think that.” What little composure she was holding on to snaps like a rubber band stretched to its limit. She crumbles, sobs consuming her whole body. My arms wrap around her and I pull her into me so she’s sitting on my lap. Her hands fist my shirt like letting go will make me magically vanish. “Shhh, I know, I know. It’s okay. I’m right here,” I whisper into her hair as I gently rock her back and forth. I know I don’t have long, but she needs me right now and I’ll be damned if I’m not here to comfort her. She continues to sob uncontrollably, my body absorbing them as she trembles in my arms. I hold onto her tighter, hoping that I can take away her hurt and pain. After about thirty minutes or so, she finally leans back, her crying having subsided.