“How?” It’s the only thing she asks as she searches my face for answers. I probably shouldn’t tell her, but looking into her sad, green eyes, I know I have to say something. Her finger comes out slowly to trace the line of my jaw, her green orbs full of amazement and disbelief. I swear she doesn’t believe I’m really here. Knowing how my absence has affected her hurts more than actually being away from her.

With a sigh, I start. “It’s kind of a long story.” She doesn’t say anything, just stares up at me expectantly. “That day you were going to leave there were a couple guys outside waiting on me. As soon as I left the house they grabbed me. I tried to fight them off, but they knocked me out and the next thing I remember is coming to in this small, dark room. I was tied to a chair listening to you on the other end of the phone. God, you sounded so scared.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and run the back of my knuckles down her face. “When one of the guys put the gun to my face, I thought that was it. I was going to die. I’ve had a lot of close calls, but none of them terrified me like that moment did. You know why?” I ask her. She shakes her head ever so slightly. “You. In those last seconds, you were the only thing I could think of. How I wouldn’t get to hold you, see your beautiful smile, hear your amazing laugh. But right before he pulled the trigger, the guy pointed it at the wall and missed me.”

She buries her face in my chest. “Oh God, Alex. You have no idea how horrible that was—it is.” She starts to cry again, like she’s reliving the moment.

“I know. I’m so sorry.”

“But why?” She pulls back waiting for my answer. I want to tell her everything; who I am, what I do, but I know I can’t.

“Cal wants me to assassinate Bill Hutchison.” Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. “He’s losing and wants him taken out so he can win the primary.”

There’s a slight hesitation that crosses her face before she diverts her eyes. “Are you going to?”

“No,” I say firmly with a shake of the head.

Relief.

It washes over her in a huge wave and some of the tension leaves her body. “Elizabeth, what was today all about? Why?” It pains me to ask her this, but I have to know.

Her eyes close as a single tear spills over. “I can’t live like this anymore. First, you died, then other stuff happened. It’s just gotten too hard.” Her lips quiver as she struggles to maintain her composure.

“What got too hard? What happened?” She shakes her head. “Talk to me,” I plead.

“I can’t. I really don’t want to talk about this right now, okay?” It’s clear whatever haunts her is buried in the darkest parts of her soul. The pain and sadness pouring from her eyes tells me that the wounds she’s trying to conceal are still too fresh, too deep to talk about out loud. As much as I want to shake it out of her, I resist and pull her to me and kiss the top of her head. I want her to know I’m here for her, that she doesn’t have to carry the burden alone.

“Okay.” I sigh in frustration. How am I supposed to help her if she won’t tell me what’s wrong? I don’t want to upset her any more than she already is, so I leave it be for now, only adding, “Promise me you won’t do something like that again. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Snuggling deeper into me, I hear her breathe me in. “I promise.” There’s a quiet conviction in her voice that makes me believe she means it and won’t make another attempt. I’m still worried, but it brings me a little peace of mind. After a moment she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry. I just need to know you’re going to be okay so I can concentrate on getting you out of here.” She nods into my chest. “Let’s get out of this bathroom. I’ll get you some water and you can relax.” I stand and begin carrying her to bed when she protests.

“Wait, I need to rinse my mouth out.”

“Okay.” I spin back around and stop in front of the sink. “I’m going to set you down, but I won’t let go.” I stare into her eyes through the mirror, hoping she knows I mean that in more ways than one. With my arm wrapped securely around her waist, I hold on to her as she swishes around some mouthwash. Once she’s finished, I scoop her back up and carry her to bed and set her down before retrieving a glass of water. She gulps most of it down. “How are you feeling?”

“My throat is a little raw, but I’m fine.” Rubbing her cheek, I think about how damn lucky I am that I was here today. The fact that I could have lost her makes me feel nauseous. “I spend a lot of time in here,” she confesses, referring to the bedroom that was mine.

“You do?” Her admission does weird things to my emotions. On one hand, it makes me happy as hell she wanted to stay connected to me—to us—in any way she could. On the other hand, it tears me up thinking of her sitting in this room, grieving over what she thought we’d never have again.

“Yeah, I can still smell you on the pillow. I won’t let the cleaning lady come in here.” Her voice is tight with emotion and I know she’s trying to hold it together.

I lace our fingers together and rub the back of her hand with my thumb. “I love you, Elizabeth.” This is definitely not how I thought I’d tell her for the first time, but I can’t let another second go by without her knowing.

Looking into her eyes, I see a tiny spark in them letting me know she’s still in there hidden beneath the sorrow. “I love you too.” My heart has never felt so full in my life. A small smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. Leaning in, I kiss her softly on the lips. She responds immediately kissing me back. I’ve missed this—missed her—so damn much it hurts. To have her soft lips against mine is fucking heaven. I forget about all the obstacles laid out before us and just savor the moment, breathing her in like she’s my last breath. Not wanting to push things, I pull back and rest my forehead against hers.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she says in a strangled tone. “You have no idea how many times I prayed for this. Prayed that it was all just a dream and I’d wake up and have you here with me. Now that it’s happened, I’m scared to death it’s not real.”

Cupping both cheeks in my hands with our foreheads still pressed together, I say, “I know what you mean, sweetheart.” I wished for this day too. “But I’m here and we’re going to get through this, okay?” She nods her head and I kiss her again quickly, not able to resist the urge. I pull away and grab both of her hands. “I need to get going before someone realizes I’m missing. It’s very important that no one knows I saw you today, okay? You need to act like you normally would.”

“But you just got here.” Her body stiffens as if she’s about to panic. “Can’t you stay awhile longer?” The pleading look in her eyes almost does me in.

“I wish I could, but I can’t.” Bringing her left hand up to my mouth, I place a kiss on the back of it. The tension slowly eases from her body as I continue to rub her other hand with my thumb.

“Okay, but when will I get to see you again?” The sadness creeps back over her features, making me feel guilty that I have to leave her again.

“I’m not sure. I have people watching me, but I’ll come over as soon as I can.” She moves forward and gives me another kiss. A few moments later I stand up and start to leave when her next question causes my steps to falter.

“How’d you know I had taken all those pills?” Shit, how am I going to explain that? I don’t turn around to face her, afraid my expression will give me away. I hate lying to her, but I can’t tell her everything yet. It’ll put her in more danger, and I’m not really sure how deep all of this with Cal and the cartel goes.

“I was finally able to sneak in and see you and saw the empty pill bottle on the bed.” Looking over my shoulder at her, I see her weighing my answer. She must believe me because she doesn’t question me further.