“Then why are you with her?” Her voice was husky, and thick and unlike I’d ever heard it before. Jade had always been so strong, so willful, and she never showed weakness. But she was showing it all now, allowing me to see that she’d been suffering.

“You did this,” I whispered harshly, ignoring her question. “You made me move forward without you, and God I’m fucking trying but you’re making it impossible!” My voice had risen, and Jade whimpered when I lowered my face to hers.

“Being with Stella is better than being alone and pining for the woman who fucking destroyed me two months ago. She’s not perfect, and I don’t think I love her, but if it means I won’t hurt anymore, I’ll fucking try.”

Jade’s hot breath fanned my face as she squeezed her eyes closed. Her mouth was so close, and I was so tempted to kiss her, crush her body up against mine and never let her go - but I had to. She didn’t want me, and there was only so much a man could take.

“I miss you,” I murmured, pressing my forehead against hers and holding her forearms. “But I can’t do this, Jade. You’ve broken me baby,” I swallowed, struggling to speak calmly without cracking in front of her, “and I have to put myself back together the best way I know how. You walked away first, and I’m just doing what you want.”

Her eyes opened, and I thought I saw her pleading with me not to give up. I wanted to keep fighting, but how could I when she’d given up on us first? I couldn’t do it alone. I needed her at my side.

She delivered her final blow with “I’m sorry,” and I delivered mine with “Te quiero.” I love you.

I let go of her arms, and she cupped her mouth to silence her cries. As much as I wanted to blame her for all of this, I couldn’t. I never planned any of this, but if I’d known this would be the outcome I might have found the strength to stop it before we lost everything.

I stepped away, and grabbed my jacket from the sofa to leave. Jade leaned against the wall, and slid down until she was crouching on the floor. I wanted to comfort her, tell her it would all be okay, but I wasn’t going to lie just to appease her. She made a choice, and without thinking about what would happen afterwards, she made us both pay the ultimate price.

Losing each other.

Chapter 8

Reid

Catch My Breath

I shut the door to my truck, and punched the steering wheel with my fist until I thought my hand was bruised. Walking away from Jade had been the hardest thing I’d ever done, and I needed a minute to catch my breath. The cold air jolted my lungs into working again, but the dull agony in my chest still burned through my body.

It would have been so easy to walk back into her house, and tell her I’d been lying when I said I could try to love Stella, and tell her the truth, that I would never love another woman the way I loved her, but that would only leave me back at square one. Either way I was without Jade and I had to accept that, no matter how difficult.

I started my car, and turned onto the dimly lit road, not quite ready to head back to the apartment I shared with Dane. He was probably next-door with Kennedy, and going to an empty home wasn’t at all appealing. So I drove around, taking a slightly longer detour back to the University campus. ‘Breath’ by Breaking Benjamin started playing through the stereo, so I reached over and turned the volume up until the windows rattled with the heavy beat of the drum. I thrummed my fingers in time with every pounding of the drumstick, and stared out at the dark road ahead.

Memories of Jade and me flicked through my mind, and one in particular had me tightening my grip on the steering wheel until it twisted, and creaked in protest.

We were ten years old, and I was spending the night at Jade’s house while my parents were away. It was way past our bedtime, but I’d snuck into Jade’s room after I’d heard her soft cries coming from next door. Her room was dark, bathed in soft moonlight that was coming through her bedroom window, and I could barely make out her silhouette on the gigantic bed. She was curled into herself, sniffling, and hugging her pillow tightly to her chest. I climbed up, and slid under the covers until I felt the warmth of her body against mine.

Her eyes opened, and when she peered up at me, her brown eyes glistening, I knew I wanted to make her feel better. Even at that tender age, I knew she meant more to me than anyone else.

“Why are you crying?” I asked. I pried her hand from her pillow and took it mine, pressing it tightly to my chest.

“I had a nightmare,” she replied. “I got scared.”

I rolled onto my side, bringing us face-to-face, and wiped her tear-stained cheeks with my free hand. I didn’t know what her nightmare was about, but I couldn’t ask. I just wanted whatever had upset her to disappear from her mind. “You don’t have to be scared. I would never let anything happen to you.”

Jade stayed quiet, and after a while I started humming. It was no song in particular, but it seemed to have calmed her down so I didn’t stop. I didn’t care if I sounded off-key, or like a total dipshit. If it helped her, I would do it.

“Reid?”

I stopped humming. “Yeah?”

“You’ll never leave me will you?”

I frowned at her question. Was that what her nightmare had been about? Me leaving her?

“No, I won’t. You’re my best friend.”

Her mouth lifted up at the side, and something strange happened inside my chest. I felt hot, and my body tingled.

“Promise?”

I replied without hesitation. “I promise.”

I was too young, and naïve to realize how hard it was to keep such a promise, and I didn’t understand that breaking it would have devastating consequences our friendship wouldn’t survive.

I watched Jade sleep until the early hours of the morning, and snuck back into the guest bedroom before Jade woke up.

That was the first time I realized my feelings for Jade were changing. I might not have understood it then, but looking back on it now I see it for what it was – the defining moment, the moment my young heart fell in love with the girl next door before knowing what it meant.

THE LIGHTS were off in our apartment when I walked in, and Dane’s bedroom door was open, but he wasn’t there. I expelled a heavy breath, and trudged into my own room feeling exhausted and strung out. I switched on the bedroom light, and stopped in my tracks when I saw Stella sitting on my bed wearing one of my shirts and nothing else.

“Stella,” I greeted. “What are you doing here?”

Her eyes were red, and I could see she’d been crying. It was time for me to end things with her, but I was hoping I’d at least have until morning before I got into it. I didn’t have the energy to fight, especially not with her.

“What,” she sniffled, “Am I not allowed to come see my boyfriend?”

I removed my jacket, chucked it over my desk chair, and started taking off my shoes. “I thought we agreed we were going to stay apart tonight?”

“I thought so too,” she replied, “until I realized that the only reason you wanted to do that was so you could go see Jade.”

Feeling suspicion unfurling in my stomach, I tilted my head to the side, and pursed my lips. “How do you know that’s where I went?”

I wouldn’t have put it past her to have someone follow me. She was possessive by nature, and her dislike of Jade seemed to exacerbate her jealous streak.

“You’ve been gone for almost three hours,” replied Stella. “And I can smell her perfume on you. It’s not hard to connect the dots.”

I sighed, and pinched my eyes closed, before turning to face her. Her blonde hair was a little untidy, and unkempt, and that in itself should have been a warning. Stella never went anywhere without having her hair done, not even to bed.