“If I kiss you,” I breathed, “There’s no going back. We will never be the same, and that scares me.”

“It scares me too,” she replied. “But what scares me more is going to bed in the next room without knowing what this would have felt like. With you.”

The ‘this’ she was referring to was more than a kiss, because we wouldn’t be able to stop there. Neither of us wanted to, but we had to be mindful of how it would impact the twenty years we’d been friends.

It was inconceivable to think that she’d been in my life that long, but our mothers were pregnant together, gave birth to us days apart, and our fathers had been best friends since high school. Her life was inextricably woven with mine, and her presence had always grounded me.

I had a feeling it would all change after tonight.

I wasn’t ready.

We weren’t ready.

But it was bound to happen, the same as the sun was meant to rise, and set every day.

“Are you sure?” I asked. Part of me was hoping she’d realize it was a bad idea, that our friendship wouldn’t last if things changed so drastically, but the other part wanted to know that she wanted this as much as I did.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” she replied.

That confirmation alone made my body hum with anticipation.

I pressed my lips to hers, gentle at first, and then our tongues met, and the rest came as naturally to me as breathing.

Every touch.

Every whimper.

Every inhalation.

Every exhalation.

I breathed her in. Her scent, her sounds, and the way her back bowed when my hands roamed her naked body. It was cool, a light breeze coming through the balcony doors, but the humidity coated her golden skin with a light sheen of sweat and I licked up the salty taste with fervor. Her body opened up for me, welcoming me home and I struggled with my restraint, shaking as I held myself above her.

“Reid,” she sighed, moving her hips and gripping my hard cock inside her. “You don’t have to be gentle. I won’t break.”

No, but I will.

I captured her lips with mine, and started moving. Her body gave itself over to me, as mine did to her, and for that brief, but intense, sliver of time I didn’t worry about where it left our hearts, where it left my heart. I gave in, I surrendered, and when the sun rose the following morning, Jade was nowhere to be found.

I was right.

Things changed after that.

And I knew neither of us would ever recover.

I’d lost my best friend.

Chapter 1

Jade

March

I walked into the apartment that I shared with my closest girlfriend Kennedy, and stifled a sigh when I found her playing tonsil hockey with her boyfriend, Dane. I’d had a rough day, and I wasn’t really in the mood to watch them dry hump on our sofa.

“Hey.”

Kennedy’s head whipped up at the sound of my voice, and she scrambled off Dane’s lap. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting you home so early.”

“Yeah,” I snorted. “I see that.”

Dane ducked his head, and Kennedy muttered “sorry” as her cheeks reddened.

“It’s fine,” I said, walking to my bedroom. “Just put a sock on the door next time so I’m prepared.” I winked to let her I know I was teasing, and tried to squelch the pang of envy seeing her with Dane brought to the surface. I was happy for her, for them both. After the hell they had been through to find each other, they deserved it. But lately I’d been feeling as though life was taunting me with the things I wanted, but didn’t have. And I was tired of it.

I threw my bag onto the floor, and placed my sketch bag on my desk. I was in my third year at Brighton University studying a Bachelor of Science in Design, with the hopes of being a fashion designer. I had a knack for drawing, and had been sewing most of my own clothes from the age of sixteen, when my parents bought me my own sewing machine for my birthday.

I loved my classes, but more importantly it was the only thing I felt was going right in my life. I could control the outcome of this one small element of my world, which is exactly what I had been doing since everything had fallen out from under me last November.

I was exhausted, but fortunately it was already spring break, and I was looking forward to having a few days off.

“You okay?” Kennedy asked walking into my room. I sat down on my bed with a tired sigh, and replied, “Fine. Just feeling a little worn out.”

Kennedy smiled, and took a seat beside me. “I know what you mean. I’m so excited for our trip to Cabo. It’s the break we all need.”

Right. We were flying to Cabo in the morning, and I had to tell myself repeatedly that I was just as excited to be spending a few days on the beach. Truthfully speaking, I was kind of dreading it.

“It will be good,” I said, trying – and failing – to sound marginally enthusiastic.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t been quite like yourself these past few weeks.” I looked up, and wanted to cringe when I saw Kennedy’s expression filled with concern and sympathy.

“I’m good,” I lied. “It’s just been a little hectic, and I really am tired.” That part wasn’t a lie. I was more tired than usual, and I’d been feeling more emotional too. I shrugged it off though, claiming it was hormones, and ‘that time of the month’.

Kennedy let out a breath, and watched me with her knowing green eyes. She knew what had me feeling out of sorts, but I was grateful when she didn’t say it.

“We’re going to dinner tonight, you want to come?” She asked, changing topics.

“Who’s going?”

She bit her lip, nibbling on it nervously. It was one of her tells, and I knew I wasn’t going to like her answer, despite knowing exactly what she was going to say.

“Me and Dane, obviously, and I think Chase, and Ash will be there too. Grady is also going...” her words trailed off, leaving the rest for me to finish. “And Reid, and Stella.”

She looked away from me, and I hated that she felt sorry for me when she had no reason to. Reid was my best friend, but things had changed drastically in the past few months that I wasn’t even sure he was that anymore. He felt more like a stranger these days.

But I suspect that had more to do with his girlfriend and her dislike for me, than him actively staying away from me.

“I think I’m going to chill at home tonight,” I said, standing up. “Maybe watch a movie, or read a book. I could do with an early night.”

I started removing some of my clothes from my closet, and packing them into my suitcase.

“You don’t have to avoid them every time we hang out,” said Kennedy. “I will vagina punch that bitch if she tries anything with you.”

I snickered. “You know I can handle that Hobbit just fine. I was actually just want to chill out before our trip.”

Going to dinner with Reid and his girlfriend, Stella – aka the Hobbit – was as appealing as getting a pap smear, and something I could avoid. Going to Mexico with them for a week however wasn’t as easy to escape. Kennedy had begged me relentlessly for the month of January and I said yes because I could deal with Reid for that amount of time. But then he became ‘Reid and Stella’, and it was too late for me to pull out. Hence, I couldn’t get out of it.

“What must I tell Reid? You know he’s going to ask about where you are.”

Kennedy was right. We might have drifted apart, but Reid still cared. Much to Stella’s disgruntlement.

“Tell him I’m not feeling well,” I said. It was kind of true, so at least I didn’t have to ask Kennedy to lie. “He’ll see me tomorrow so it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

With a heavy sigh, Kennedy wrapped her arms around me, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I wish I could fix whatever happened between the two of you. I miss the ‘Jade and Reid’ show.”