I nodded, still sitting on top of him and could feel his hard-on pressing into me through his jeans. “Yes, Cedric, I am.” He moved from under me, sitting up.

“Wait…are you sure, Amanda? I thought 488/727

you said just last week that you wanted to wait.”

“Yeah, well a lot can change in a week.” (Don’t I know it.) I pressed my forehead onto his. “I wasn’t…then…but now, I am.”

“What changed?” he asked.

“Nothing changed. I just woke up this morning and realized…I want to fuck my boyfriend. Is that so bad?” Cedric shook his head and laughed, pulling me into him. “Baby…are you serious? Are you really serious about this?” I didn’t answer him. Instead, I pushed him back down onto the bed and took my shirt off, lowering myself onto him.

Cedric cupped my breasts through the lacy bra and plunged his tongue into my mouth while I grinded against him.

“We don’t have to,” he said muffled, his lips still kissing me.

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“I’m ready, Cedric…see?” I said as I guided his finger down into my underwear.

Cedric kissed me harder and moaned as he touched me. I moaned back through his kiss at the pleasure of his fingers inside me.

Cedric whispered through our kisses.

“Swear on your mother you’re ready.” I wanted to swear a lot of things on my mother, both of them. He didn’t know the half of it.

“I swear…on my mother,” I said.

With that, Cedric kissed me harder as I unzipped his jeans and pulled them down.

I continued to rub against him with my clothes on, kissing him hard and running my fingers through his hair.

“Amanda…you’re so fucking beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so long…waited so long,” Cedric said as he unsnapped my bra and threw it on the floor.

“Cedric…I’m on the pill,” I said.

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“Okay, baby,” he said as he continued to kiss me.

Then, he started to slowly pull my underwear down.

I pulled off his shirt and he slid his boxers off. We were both completely naked.

He lifted up from under me and flipped me over so that I was under him.

He stared into my eyes as I rubbed his face and stared back at him.

We stayed like this for a while until Cedric spoke. “Okay?”

I nodded and bit my bottom lip when I felt the tip of his penis enter me, followed by a burning friction. I wanted to cry from the pain at first but Cedric moved into me very slowly. I closed my eyes and told myself to relax, no matter how painful. With each slow thrust, I got more accustomed to the feeling until eventually the pain turned to pleasure.

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Cedric moaned in ecstasy once he started to realize I was relaxing and enjoying it. His slow movements gradually turned forceful.

Once the pain stopped, I couldn’t get enough and asked him to go faster and deeper until I felt myself starting to climax.

Cedric knew it, because he covered my mouth with his hand, so that I could scream into it while I came. His translucent eyes rolled back and I knew he was coming too.

When his movements slowed, he stayed inside me and kissed my face over and over again and for the first time whispered, “Amanda Rose Thompson…I love you.”

CHAPTER 30

CEDRIC

April 2002

“Cedric…Cedric. Wake up. You really should go home and try to get some sleep at home,” Ed said as he shook me.

Shit.

It wasn’t a dream.

I was really still here in this hospital room.

A nurse’s voice spoke on the intercom in the distance, reminding me exactly where I was. Hospital clerks wheeled by the room pushing food carts. Life went on as usual outside the window; car horns beeping in the distance, part of the hustle and bustle of the Chicago morning commute, as if my life was not falling apart in here.

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I wanted to scream out the window at them to shut the fuck up. Someone walked by the open room, laughing at something that was said at the nurse’s station in the hallway. Life could not be going on when she was lying there, fighting for her life. It wasn’t fair.

“No…no, sir, I can’t leave her,” I told Amanda’s father.

“The doctors said she’s not going to be waking up today, Cedric.” I still couldn’t believe my eyes every time I glanced over at her. She was so beautiful even with all those tubes and medical contraptions. No, I wouldn’t leave…couldn’t leave, not for one second.

“Ed, I really don’t want to leave her,” I said.

He looked over at his daughter andthen back at me, his eyes swollen from crying over the past few days. “Okay, Son.” 494/727

Amanda’s parents, Ed and Elaine and I have been keeping vigil at her bedside for three days. The whole scene was surreal as this beautiful girl lie fighting for her life in a medically induced coma.

“Did they say how much longer until they try to wake her?” I asked.

“Could be a couple of more days,” Elaine said tearily as she sat by Amanda’s side.

What if she doesn’t wake up? What if she never wakes up? How can I ever live with myself?

An Indian doctor walks in and we all stand up in unison.

“Dr. Tripathi, we were wondering if you could tell us when they were planning on ending the coma?” Ed asked.

“The swelling is still too significant.

We are going to keep with it for at leastanother twenty-four hours. Mrs. Thompson,can I talk to you privately?” 495/727

“Sure, doctor.” Amanda’s mother walked out of the room and the doctor followed her out into the hallway.

I walked over to Amanda’s bedside and gently touched her long dark hair. She was so tranquil and beautiful. She looked so peaceful, nothing like the way she looked the last time I saw her. My heart clenched at that thought. Oh, God, please don’t let anything happen to her. Please. I’ll do anything.

Anything.

I whispered so low that Ed couldn’t possibly hear me. When he had gone out to look for his wife, I spoke louder, but still softly.

“Amanda…God, Amanda. I am sosorry, baby. I would take it all back if Icould. Baby, if you wake up, I promise I willnever leave you again. I was being stupid,baby, so, so stupid. Please just be okay andI’ll never leave you. Please. Please. Please. Ilove you, baby. I love you.” 496/727

Tears ran down my cheeks and I began to shake uncontrollably as I recalled the night of the accident.

***

Amanda had taken her father’s car to drive to my dorm in the middle of the night after I hadn’t returned any of her calls that day. It was the first time I had ever done something like that. The truth was, I had been having second thoughts lately about being in such a serious relationship at my age. Things were moving really fast and Amanda was starting to talk about a future with me. I love her…I do…but I was scared, being only twenty-two. She’s only eighteen.