Edinburgh March 2013

I left Dad at his hotel talking to Mom on the phone, reassuring her that he was all right, I was all right, and that we were… talking things out. Although I still didn’t feel one hundred percent certain that we’d reached an understanding, I hoped we would by the time he left.

For now, I headed to my boyfriend’s apartment.

Something had shifted inside me when Jake sprung to my defense. It didn’t seem like much, but in reality, knowing he had my back was a huge step toward me trusting him. The old Jake was too determined to keep on my dad’s good side to ever interfere in any small parental disputes I might have had. He’d once sat quietly in the corner of the living room while my mom and dad refused to listen to me about being a cop.

He’d changed.

Anxious to see him, I hurried up to his apartment.

“Jake’s not here,” Beck said as I followed him into the kitchen.

Sitting at the kitchen table were Claudia and Lowe. I smiled at my girl. “Have you seen him?”

Claud shook her head. “Nope. But—”

“She’s been too busy planning our summer tour,” Beck interrupted, offering me a can of soda.

“No, thanks.” I raised an eyebrow at Claudia. “Summer tour?”

Lowe grinned. “It’s what we were talking about at Teviot. Claudia is amazing. She’s already helped us book eight gigs for the summer, and she thinks we can turn it into a state tour. It could get us noticed.”

“Isn’t that expensive?”

Lowe shrugged. “We’re pooling our resources. And these are paying gigs.” He nudged Claudia. “Now I just have to convince Claud to be our manager and come on tour with us.”

“If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to,” Beck said, trying—and failing—to sound casual.

I studied them carefully, wondering what I was missing. “Well… that sounds great. And you should think about it, Claudia. It might be a lot of fun to tour with them.”

Claudia shrugged. “I don’t know. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Jake is—”

“A sappy, overachieving, broody little son of a bitch and you could do much better.” Beck grinned up at me.

I made a face at him and had just turned back to Claudia when I got a text.

You should know I’m in the kitchen of this blond chick I’m kind of in love with. If you see her, tell her I miss her and to get her ass back here.

“Jake is waiting for you—”

“In our apartment,” I finished for Claud, waving my phone at her.

I wondered why Jake had gone back to my place when he knew I was hanging out with my dad. It occurred to me that perhaps he was concerned my dad might’ve said something to change my mind about our relationship. I longed for the days when we could stop reassuring each other about our mutual commitment.

When I got to the apartment, Jake was in the kitchen with Maggie. I tried to be polite to her, but I was in a hurry to talk to my boyfriend so I offered a quick hello and goodbye as I dragged Jake into my room.

“Eager, are we?”

“I just wanted you to know that we’re okay. Despite my dad and everything.”

Instantly, Jake’s eyebrows puckered. “Speaking of your father… I really want to hear how things went with your dad tonight, but I have to know something that’s been bugging me since he mentioned it… Alex?”

I’d actually forgotten my dad had mentioned Alex’s name. Shit.

Now for the truth. I had no idea how Jake would react to it.

Alex Roster was one of my best friends. But for a while… he was more than that.

I took a deep breath. “The guy, the one I dated for ten months freshman year of college… it was Alex.”

Jake tensed and then he gently pushed me away. “Alex was the guy?”

Sensing this was going somewhere bad, I hurried to explain. “After you left, everything was different. We’d both changed and we grew close. We’re really good friends. At college we decided to give it another go. It worked for a while but I couldn’t give him what he wanted and he couldn’t give me what I needed.” I shrugged. “We broke up, but we’ve stayed friends. He’s been seeing his girlfriend Sharon for ages. They’re happy together and—”

“Ten months?” Jake interrupted. He’d paled. “You fucked him?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Jake…” I felt betrayed by the question. “That’s not even fair. You probably fucked an entire sorority house while we were broken up.”

“They weren’t goddamn Alex Roster!” he yelled, brushing past me.

I watched on as he wore out my carpet, pacing back and forth.

“All that time we were dating, you said you had no feelings for him and you were lying to me?”

I’d expected him to not like the news, but I hadn’t expected him to be so angry and hurt. “No, I wasn’t lying. I didn’t have feelings for him then,” I promised. “Like I said, Brett’s death changed us. You breaking my heart changed me. You left, Jake. Alex stayed.”

Jake jerked to a stop, like I’d hit him. “Is that how it’s going to be forever? You winning an argument for the rest of our lives by throwing that in my face?”

“I threw it in your face for this particular argument because it has relevance. You wanted to know how I ended up dating Alex.”

“For ten months?” He shook his head in disbelief and slumped down on the bed. “God, the thought of you with him…” Jake closed his eyes. “The thought of you with anyone else…” His dark, tumultuous gaze met mine. “You were in love with him?”

“No.” I sat next to him. “That’s the reason we broke up. He told me he loved me but I didn’t love him. We weren’t right for each other, Jake. He didn’t want me to be a cop, and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a little crazy. He drove himself nuts worrying about me. And he… he was too concerned with how everything looked to everyone else. And…” I curled my hand around Jake’s neck, drawing our faces closer. “It was never passionate between us. It was just nice. And you have no idea how heartbreaking ‘just nice’ is when you know what ‘beautiful’ tastes like.”

“Yes, I do,” Jake whispered against my lips before closing his eyes again. He leaned his forehead against mine as he reached for my free hand. “This is how you felt watching me with Melissa?”

“Yes,” I whispered back.

Jake’s expression crumbled and suddenly he was cupping my face in his hands, his anguished eyes blazing into mine. “I am so sorry. I am so sorry I hurt you over and over again.”

“Jake…” I folded into him, wrapped my arms tightly around him as his enclosed around me.

“Every day,” he said softly, “I’m going to spend every day making it up to you.”

I sat in his arms for a while as he rocked us gently.

Finally Jake broke the silence. “Your dad? How did it go tonight?”

“You’re having dinner with us tomorrow,” I said, making the decision on the spot. No way would Dad change his mind about Jake if he didn’t spend time with him. I pulled back to look at Jake.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Tonight,” I abruptly tugged up the hem of his T-shirt. Without questioning, Jake raised his arms and let me pull it off. “When you defended me,” I threw his shirt on my chair and slowly drew my own sweater up over my head, “it felt amazing. I don’t need anyone to fight for me, Jake.” I pressed a soft kiss to his waiting mouth, coasting my fingertips across his chest, my thumbs brushing his nipples, my touch making him shudder. “But I have to admit that I like that you want to.”

“Always,” he said, arching his neck for me as my lips trailed kisses along his jaw and down his throat.

I caressed his abs with my hands, soft, gentle touches that accelerated his breathing. I flicked my tongue over his nipple and his hands clamped around my arms in reaction. “Let me.” I looked up at him.

His eyes burned with lust. “Torture me?”

I shook my head. “That implies you won’t to get play too. I’m just asking you to let me play first.”