really. Just crrrrazy genes.”

Hot. Too hot.

“Yeah?” Andy growls. “Why don’t you come over

here and say that?”

“Look,” Kyle coos, “Hunter. Mate No hard feelings,

okay? She’s yours, and respect that.” He slaps Andy on

the shoulder. “In fact, owe you one, mate—any longer

and might’ve caught something!”

Andy swings at him, but Kyle ducks just in time,

laughing. “Uh-oh, looks like we might have another one for

the loony bin, eh, lads? And don’t they make

lovely

couple? Him all macho honor and her—Oof!”

My knuckles sting like mad and the room spins

crazily as my back slams against the wall and slump to

the floor as Kyle crashes headfirst into the drinks table.

Merry Christmas

think as everything fades to

black.

slump to the floor as Melissa locks the bathroom

door behind us.

“Okay,” she says. “Spill.”

28

chew my cookie, tasting nothing as it crumbles

dryly in my mouth, buying time.

“Sweetie, what is it?” She wraps her arm around my

shoulders. “You’ve been quiet all day. This isn’t like you.”

close my eyes. How can tell her?

She sighs. “As if don’t know.”

My eyes fly open.

“I know you.” She smiles sadly. “And you’re going

about this all wrong—you need to pick yourself up, get

back to the party, drink some punch and have some fun!”

stare at her.

“You need to show my idiot brother just how lucky

he is to have you!”

look away, exhale. She doesn’t know …

Someone knocks on the door.

“Just

minute!” Melissa calls. “Sweetie, trust me,

hiding away up here piling on the pounds is seriously not

going to help anything.”

She snatches the cookies and pull my top down

over my belly self-consciously.

“Yes, Josh is going to meet college girls—that’s

given. He’s at college.”

nod miserably, flinching as the knocking turns to

battering.

College

girls.

Older,

more

sophisticated,

uncomplicated …

“I said, just

freaking minute!” Melissa hollers,

slamming her own fist against the door. “But sweetie, you

have absolutely nothing to worry about.” Melissa

29

squeezes me tight. “Because there’s another, much more

important, given.” She smiles. “Josh loves you. Just the way you are.”

No

think, closing my eyes as the hammering

continues inside my head.

Just the way was …

30

Chapter Three

My eyes fly open as someone hammers violently

against my skull.

Aaah! What? Shit! Oww!

clutch my head and squint around tentatively,

trying to focus.

What is that?

Suddenly, the door bursts open and slams against

the wall.

Owwwoohhhhh— shit!

“Andy!” clutch the duvet against me as my head

implodes. “What are you

How …?”

“I knocked. About five times. Your coffee’s getting

cold.”

“But—but what are you doing here?!”

“I live here.” He dumps pile of stuff in the corner

and wrenches the curtains back, harsh daylight burning

my eyes as

shrink beneath the duvet.

blue duvet.

Andy’s duvet. Andy’s bed. Shit! glance down quickly at my crumpled top and jeans—at least that’s something.

mug bangs down next to my head. Ow

“Coffee.”

“Um. Thanks,” mumble, peeking out.

“Thank Mum. She made it.”

31

“I will.”

He stands there for

moment, tall and shadowy

against the bright window. can’t see his face.

“Listen, Andy, I—”

rasp, then clear my throat.

“What am I—I mean, how …?”

“You don’t remember?” he asks incredulously. “You

don’t remember last night?”

“I—” hesitate, then shake my head helplessly.

He looks at me for moment, then sighs heavily and

crouches down next to the bed. He brushes hair from my

face.

“You were very drunk,” he says gently.

can believe it. can barely focus, and my whole

body aches like hell. Especially my head.

“You don’t remember anything?” he asks, his eyes

searching mine. Those eyes. Those blue, blue eyes.

“Did—” begin, the duvet warm around my body.

“Yes?”

“Did …?” look into his eyes. “Did we …?”

The softness in his face disappears. “No,” he says.

“We didn’t.”

He stands up briskly and checks his watch.

“Shit—Gran’ll kill me. Look, drink your coffee and

I’ll meet you in the car.” He tosses me my mobile. “You’ve

had about eight missed calls.”

The phone blinks at me accusingly. Nana close my

eyes, flooded with guilt.

“I told her I’d drop you off on the way.”

look up. “The way?”

32

“To church. It’s Christmas Day.” He gestures at the

pile of opened presents he brought in—a stack of travel

books, camera, and large backpack.

“Going on holiday?” venture.

“No—my gap year—any more questions?” he snaps.

look up, surprised. His gap year?

“You’ve got five minutes.”

He slams the door, and my skull splinters.

What happened?

My eyes wander round the room, over the old Arctic

Monkeys poster and his beloved Wii, past the basketball

laundry-hoop and up his snaking CD collection to the

photo montage I’d helped him Blu-Tack round the mirror

over his sink. Not much has changed, really. Not in the

eighteen months since was last here.

pull the duvet over my face, the musky scent of

Andy’s aftershave tickling my nose, and suddenly

remember kissing him last night, the smell of his skin, his

hair, as he held me close, the taste of his lips so familiar, so right against mine. My head spins as

close my eyes,

intoxicated. God, I’ve missed him Andy. Andy’s room,

Andy’s bed. Snug and warm and comfortable, just as

remember.

Not that we’d ever

we’d never—Not that we

hadn’t wanted to, just

didn’t want it to be just some

clumsy fumble after school, listening for the front door

and scrambling back into my uniform if anyone came

home. It had to be special. Perfect. And we’d planned the

perfect occasion.

33

After my GCSE exams, the school arranged prom,

great formal farewell before we headed out into the big

wide world: some of us going straight into jobs or

apprenticeships; some, like me, destined for glorious six-

week summer holiday—six whole wonderful weeks that

Andy and were going to spend discovering Europe with

our Eurail passes—before

finally joined him at

Maybridge Sixth Form College to knuckle down to my

levels for two years before heading on to uni.

That’s what got me through my exams, to tell the

truth. All those long dismal hours of revision, the

arguments with Mum over anything and everything, just

knowing could look forward to this amazing adventure,

to the prom the night before—a magical evening when I’d

wear my ball gown and dance with Andy, and then

well,

his parents were away for the weekend

And it was everything could have wished for. Gone

were the desks that regimented the exams, and instead

lazy disco ball sent glittery stars spinning round the

school hall as we swayed to the band, our secret lighting

us from inside and sparkling in our eyes.