“I would…” Something hard hit my leg under the table.

“That’s alright, hot stuff. Maybe next time,” she said looking me over before turning around and leaving.

“Why’d you hit me?” I asked.

“I don’t want to dance with her.”

“I would’ve loved to see it. You would’ve made her night,” I said.

“If I’m going to dance with anyone, it will be you.”

“Not tonight and to this music, someday maybe,” I said.

“Why? I want to dance and grind on you.”

I began to fidget. “I’ve never been a good dancer.”

“I’ll teach you,” he said.

Fuck. I hated dancing. I was the awkward person unsure of how to move my arms.

We shared a pitcher of beer and my eyes grew heavy. We said our goodbyes and headed back to the house to go to sleep.

The next morning his mother took us to breakfast. Afterwards, a woman I didn’t know stopped us outside; she said, “Honey, you don’t know how lucky you are. When my husband was alive, he looked at me exactly how he looks at you. He adores you.”

Her words struck me in a profound way. I never analyzed how he looked at me. His friends and family said he looked happier than he has in a long time. I guess I brought joy into his life, but he’d done the same for me. A breath of fresh hair, the fun I’d missed, Kayden represented everything that I searched for in my life, but hadn’t found until now.

There’s so many variables, so many things that could go wrong in this long distance relationship. I worried he would meet another woman that lived close by and wouldn’t want me anymore. The whore would have to see my name running down his leg and be reminded of me if he strayed.

It was a long drive back to the airport. We planned to see each other in a few weeks, when he returned to Florida. He said it would be best if I dropped him at departures, instead of walking him in. Tears formed in my eyes at the thought of saying goodbye. I would probably turn into a crying mess if I went inside and dragged the goodbye out any longer.

The moment had arrived—he turned to me and kissed me with one hand on my cheek and the other on the back of my neck. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks and onto his fingers.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered on my lips.

“I’m trying not to. I can’t help it, I’m going to miss you terribly,” I said through my tears.

“I love you,” he said as he placed his forehead against mine.

We sat there for a minute, neither of us wanting to move.

“I love you, too,” I whispered against his lips.

He pulled away and reached for the door handle. I couldn’t let that be last time I touched him or smelled him. I jumped out of the car walking to the trunk. He grabbed his bags, placing them on the ground lightly and turned to me. I instantly hugged him—clutched him like a lifeline. Maybe I should hold him hostage. He would have to be the one to walk away, I couldn’t do it. He kissed me again with promise of a future, and I returned it with longing. A kiss can convey so many words without a sound.

I hated saying goodbye; even more, I hated not knowing how long it would be before I’d see him again. Driving home, I felt lonely.

Kayden: I miss you already.

The tears were still streaming down my cheeks as I realized I would arrive home to an empty bedroom, and even sadder, an empty bed.

He boarded the plane before I pulled in the driveway. I went inside and tried to make myself busy until he called me. That evening ended just like the others had when we were apart. It made my room a little less lonely to see his face and hear his voice.

Time Apart

That night I drifted off to sleep while Skyping with him, even though I tried to stay awake as long as possible. When I woke the next morning I could see his face on the screen. I watched him for a couple minutes. His alarm blared and he stretched, rolling on to his back.

“Good morning, Kayden,” I said.

He flinched, forgetting I was watching him.

I wanted to wake up in his arms. I wanted to touch him.

“Morning, baby. Sleep well?” he replied stretching enough to cause the covers to slide down his body.

“I did.”

“It’s nice to wake up to your voice instead of just my alarm,” Kayden said to me as he rubbed his eyes to clear his vision.

“I wish I could wake you with a kiss. I’d give anything to rub your chest and stroke your arms,” I said to him, a goofy smile on my face.

“I wish you’d wake me stroking something else, baby doll,” he said with a chuckle.

He moved his legs and the blankets no longer covered him at all, giving me a full view of his erection.

“Dreaming of me again, Kayden?” I asked, staring at him with wide eyes. I would never tire of his body.

“Always, I’d make love to you if you were here. I’d have you crawl on top of me, moving your body slowly. I’d want to feel every inch moving inside of you,” he said as he reached down and began to touch himself.

“I want that—my body misses yours,” I said to him.

“I’d suck on those beautiful nipples while you moved at a torturing pace on top of me. I’d make you beg me to move faster and harder. I love when you beg, Sophia,” Kayden said with a sly grin.

“I love your form of torture,” I replied with an innocent laugh.

“Okay enough of that. I have to get ready for work. You’re such a distraction, but a fucking sexy one,” he said as he sat up and covered his cock, shielding it from my view.

“You’re such a tease. Go get ready and text me in a bit. I’m going lay back down and finish what you started in my dreams,” I said blowing him a kiss.

“I will, baby doll. Catch you in a bit. I’m going to go lather up, and think of your fingers moving across my body,” he said with a laugh, and then the screen went black.

I drifted back to sleep with thoughts of Kayden’s beautiful body moving under mine.

I wanted to fill all of his senses while we’re apart. I mailed him letters and small packages filled with tiny items to remind him of me; I wanted him to have something to look forward to each day. A couple contained cards or letters, perfume scented tissue, his favorite candies, and things that make him smile. I didn’t tell him and the waiting made me crazy.

Me: Are you home from work yet?

Kayden: Hold on… I’m busy smelling my Kleenex.

I smiled to myself. He’s happy and I’ve been able to surprise him.

Me: What? Oh, you got one of my envelopes I sent you.

Kayden: Yes. I’m smiling ear to ear! You’re the best!

He always seemed like such a tough ass, but I knew I could make him a pile of mush.

Me: Was it a puffy envelope or a regular one?

Kayden: I have more than one coming?

Me: Yes, a couple of envelopes are on the way… I spaced them out.

Kayden: Seriously? The card says it’s about the little things, couldn’t be more true. I opened the mailbox and had to look around, all I could smell was you.

I wanted there to be a constant reminder of me. I wanted my smell to be near, reminding him of my skin.

Me: I love that.

Kayden: Yes, whoosh… It hit me as soon as I opened the mailbox. I’m almost speechless. No one’s ever been so thoughtful.

Me: No one’s ever sent you a card?

Kayden: Birthday cards, but not one to just make me smile… It’s all a double-edged sword.

He’s never had anyone treat him with as much thought and love as he always gave to them. I wanted to be different, I love him. Everything about the relationship was a double-edged sword. I loved Kayden and wanted to be with him always, but the distance and our jobs didn’t allow it.