Lisa called me begging a couple of times to see me. She missed me, but I couldn’t travel to see her and risk being arrested. She came to NOLA—breaking the no-contact order. I was a dumbass to take a risk back then; it would have meant jail time. Every time she left, my heart was crushed. I felt like an ATM during her visits. She only wanted money besides the restitution. She would cry about not having enough money to pay the bills since I’d left, but I didn’t leave willingly. I gave her all the money I had when I saw her. I sent her money regularly through Western Union in between her visits. We talked daily and I thought we were still a couple.

Her last trip proved me wrong; she hid her phone or had it off. She placed calls when I wasn’t in her presence and was being sneaky. I wasn’t the only man in her life, and I knew I was being played as a fool. I ended it with Lisa and vowed to never allow myself to fall in love again.

Lisa destroyed me, and I’d been an active participant. Even after everything the bitch has put me through I still loved her afterward, until Sophia came into my life.

I had to tell Sophia about Lisa, I didn’t want to keep anything from her. I couldn’t risk losing the most precious thing in my life.

Me: Lisa is messaging me with a fake account. I’m sending you the screen shots.

I wanted to be honest with her, and she needed to know that Lisa was still trying to contact me and that the feelings weren’t mutual. My phone rang, Sophia was calling.

“Hey, baby.”

“Save the messages Kayden,” she said to me.

“Why?” I asked her with curiosity.

“You may need them later to prove that she’s contacting you,” she told me.

“She’s allowed to contact me, but I’m not allowed to contact her in any way,” I informed her.

“Do you still love her, Kayden?” Sophia asked me with a hint of sadness in her voice.

“I love only you, Sophia. My feelings for Lisa vanished long ago. She crushed any love I had for her. She’s a sneaky bitch,” I told her firmly.

“Okay. Just be careful what you say to her. Ignore her whenever possible. I couldn’t deal with you going to jail.”

“I won’t. She would never turn me in for the messages she sent me. They aren’t even from her account; they were sent from a fake account,” I told her, hoping to calm her nerves.

I stored all the screen shots on my tablet. I had little hope they would be of any use, but Sophia asked me to do it.

Change of Plans

Fall was in full swing and I was excited for Halloween and all things fall. I was decorating the library for the students. There wasn’t really a fall in Florida, the leaves didn’t change and the air didn’t cool until well after Thanksgiving. I climbed off the ladder as I heard my phone chirp.

Kayden: I’ve been told to stop working... I just got a call from the main office.

Me: What? Why?

Kayden: They said there was an issue with my drug test or background check, I didn’t really understand. It’s bullshit. Let me call some of the guys and see what’s up. BRB.

Nothing had changed since his employment with the company began. His past was finally coming back to haunt him even though it had been a year and a half since the incident with his ex-girlfriend, Lisa. There had to be some mistake or a mix-up with the paperwork.

Kayden: Okay… five other people pulled off the job too. Headquarters came in, did an audit, and found an error in my file. I’m fucked, Sophia. I was told they’re cracking down on background. I may not have a job anymore. Fuck.

Me: There must be a mistake. They’ll straighten it out. Don’t panic yet.

I wanted to puke; I became ill with the thought of his world unraveling.

Kayden: I don’t know what I’ll do without work. I need to make some more calls and grab dinner. I’ll call you when I get home, okay?

Me: Yes, love. Take your time.

Sitting on my bed, I chewed my nails, staring at the wall.

What the fuck is he going to do? Where would he go? He lived in company housing after all, would they kick him out?

The thoughts swirling through my mind only heightened my anxiety. I needed to release some stress and decided to go for a run.

Kayden called me hours later.

“Hey,” I said answering the phone.

“Hi, baby doll. I’m making dinner and talking to the guys.” I could hear a chopping noise in the background and loud male voices. “I’ll text you around nine to Skype. We’re talking about work, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Is that okay?”

I wrinkled my nose annoyed that I was being brushed off. “Yes, don’t forget about me.”

“Babe, how could I ever forget about you? We’re just having a couple drinks and bullshitting. I’ll text, promise.”

“I love you, Kayden,” I said, wishing I could touch him in this moment.

“I love you, too, baby doll. Talk in a bit.” The line went dead.

I tried to keep myself busy reading books and watching television, but nothing took my mind off the Kayden. He hasn’t sent me a message in hours. I flipped my phone in my hand, debating on sending him a text first, but I couldn’t resist any longer.

Me: Hey it’s almost nine. Are we going to Skype tonight, lover?

Nothing. What the fuck? Kayden has never ignored me. I texted him again, pacing around the room panicking. Silence.

Maybe his cell phone battery died. I sent him a message to his tablet; I called his phone, letting it ring over ten times since he didn’t have voicemail. No answer. My heart sank. What happened to him? We hadn’t missed an evening since we met. He never disappeared. I felt lost and helpless with the distance between us.

My anger started to grow and I needed to calm my nerves. Where was he? Who was he with? I couldn’t let my mind wander and question his faithfulness. Why did I have to be so insecure when it came to Kayden?

I mixed some vodka with whatever else I could find in the fridge, anything to make it slide down easier. I’ve never been a drinker, but I need the edge dulled. I swigged a mouthful of the fruity concoction, closing my eyes, and swallowed. The liquid slid down my throat, warming my body from the inside.

“Hey.” I jumped, startled by Suzy’s voice.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me,” I said, almost choking on my drink.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Kayden… He may have lost his job,” I said taking another sip of my drink. “We were supposed to Skype tonight, but he’s disappeared.”

“Wait. What? He lost his job?”

“I just don’t know anything right now. I can’t get in touch with him. I’m going crazy, Suzy.” Suzy sat at the counter and watched me. “He was talking with the guys and making dinner last time I heard from him. That was over three hours ago.”

“I’m sure he’ll call you, Sophia. Kayden adores you, don’t freak out… yet.” She tried to console me.

Her words didn’t help, only making my anger grow. Kayden knew how important seeing him every night had become to me, didn’t he? I’ve slept with my webcam on for over a month, always able to roll over and see him or talk to him… not tonight. I felt unimportant.

Kayden and I had sent songs to express our feelings to each other throughout our relationship. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me tonight. I selected a song that I knew would be a punch to his gut. I sent him the link to ‘Never There’ by Cake. It’s a brutal song, but conveyed my feelings at the moment perfectly. Let him choke on it for a bit. I hit send.

“Fuck it. I’m going to bed, Suzy.” I couldn’t tell Suzy what I just sent to Kayden. I already regretted it.