***

“Hey sweetie.”

I looked up and smiled up at Connor. “Hi.”

He looked at the open journal and pen in my hand. “I didn’t know you kept a journal.”

“I don’t think I have recently, but I have flashbacks of me writing in one when I was growing up. I thought it’d be a nice way of documenting everything I was feeling.”

“That’s a really good idea.” The warmth of his smile resonated in his voice.

“Are you about to head out?” I eyed his briefcase and the small duffle bag in the hallway.

“Yeah.” His lips curled into a frown. “I’m sorry that I have to go to New York again so soon. We should be able to finalize this deal during this trip, so things will calm down a bit once that happens.”

“Don’t worry, Connor. I understand. It’s been a week since you last saw the client in New York. I’m sure with so much money at stake, he’d like a face to face meeting with you before finalizing everything.”

“You’re really amazing, you know that?” He walked over and kissed me; his lips were slow with intention as they seductively lingered on mine. I knew he wanted more from me, but something seemed to hold me back from opening up to him in that way. It was as if there was this stiff elastic band that inevitably pushed back his attempts to take our relationship to the sexual level.

“Have a safe trip.” I forced a small smile, trying to ignore the awkwardness that always surfaced after one of our sexual tug of wars. “I hope everything goes smoothly with the client.”

He flashed me a warm smile that complimented his chiseled face. “I’ll be back before you even start missing me,” he teased.

“I doubt that,” I responded back with a grin. I felt a little annoyed that I was slightly put on the spot by his passive aggressive attempt to elicit my feelings about his one-day absence.

“Well I’m already starting to miss you, so I win,” he said between his quick-fire kisses on my lips.

The annoyance deepened and I tried to hide my feelings. “I guess I didn’t get the memo that this was some sort of competition,” I shot back sarcastically.

He chuckled as he hugged me goodbye and headed out the door. I knew he thought I was playfully teasing back with my comment, and in a way, I led him to think that way. But in reality, I secretly meant it as a snarky retort as I wondered why something as personal and emotionally-based as missing a person could be seen as some sort of competition or business transaction where there would exist winners and losers. You’re overthinking this, Liv, I tried to reason with myself. He was just flirting with you and trying to get you to defrost your frigidness with him.

I pushed the voice of reason aside, unwilling to listen to it when my emotions were involved. It’d been a week since Connor’s previous trip to New York City, and with everything that had happened since then, I welcomed the reprieve from his constant attention, adoration, and—dare I say—control. Liv, you’re such an ungrateful bitch for even thinking that, I heard that small voice of reason inside me protest.

“Well it’s true,” I heard my words echo in the vast empty living room. As much as I wanted to feel otherwise, in the last few days, I began to feel smothered and suffocated by the extent of Connor’s sweetness, attentiveness, and protectiveness toward me. I had tried to be as understanding and loving toward him as he had been toward me, but it was all too much, and it got to the point where I felt like I wasn’t myself.

I let out a deep, troubling sigh, knowing that I felt more lost and confused about my emotions than ever before.

CHAPTE R SEVEN

It was the day before my birthday when Jim dropped me off in front of Varga Bar, a gastropub that served gourmet comfort food, craft beer, and cocktails.

As soon as I walked into the retro interior, I heard Anna’s voice from the far end of the bar.

“Over here¸ sweetie!” She motioned her hand up in the air to catch my attention.

I waved and greeted her with a smile as I walked down the length of the bar to where she sat. Painted on the wall above the entire length of the bar were vintage images that were reminiscent of the famous Peruvian painter Alberto Vargas’s pin-up girls.

“Hi, Anna.”

She greeted me with a warm hug and contagious smile. “Did you find this place okay?”

“Sorry I was a little late. I didn’t get lost, but Jim insisted on driving me and we got stuck in traffic.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, showing my slight frustration at the situation.

Anna laughed. “Sounds like you have a chaperone.”

“Right?” I was glad Anna understood my feelings. “It makes me feel like I’m turning nine, not twenty-nine.”

“Yeah, that must be so annoying. Speaking of, let’s get you a birthday drink.” She motioned at the bartender to make me the same drink she was having. It wasn’t until then that I noticed she was drinking a cocktail.

I raised an eyebrow in amusement. “I thought we’re meeting for brunch?” I motioned skeptically at her drink with my gaze.

She giggled. “Honey, it’s a Bloody Mary. It’s basically tomato juice, olives, celery, and bacon, with just a dash of vodka.” She shrugged. “Sounds like a pretty healthy brunch to me.”

I laughed and shook my head. “You’re too much, Anna.” I loved how carefree, fun, and spirited Anna was about life, and wished I could be more like her.

“Besides I think they have food here.” She waved her hand casually at the menu as she took a big gulp from her glass. Then she flashed a devious smile at me. “But, as someone use to tell me, there’s nothing wrong with a liquid brunch instead.”

“I used to say that?” I was surprised by her suggestion. The bartender came over and set a glass of Bloody Mary in front of me.

“Yup,” she said between her giggles. “We used to have a lot of fun. You were the life of the party.” I saw a glint of nostalgia in her eyes.

“Have I changed a lot since my amnesia?” I was afraid of her answer, but of all the questions that had plagued my mind since I woke up from the coma, this question had remained the constant that seemed to overshadow all other questions.

“No, not exactly.” She cocked her head and studied my confused expression. “When we first met, you had just moved to Philly. As hard as you seemed to pour yourself into work, you also partied and enjoyed life just as hard. I’m not sure if it was your mother’s death, or if you were always like that, but you were really passionate about the idea of living your life to the fullest. You always said that your goal was to do something each day that scared you. It didn’t have to be anything big, but just something each day that pushed you out of your comfort zone.”

“And Connor liked that about me?” The person Anna described didn’t seem like the same one I’d pictured Connor falling in love with.

She shrugged. “I’m not sure actually. After you started dating Connor, you seemed to become more serious about things. Connor created his company from the ground up on his own, so it was his pride and joy. So I think as things became more serious with the two of you, you started to focus a lot of your passion and energy into what he cared about—Brady Global.”

I frowned, unsure of how I felt about how Anna had thought I’d changed. “So I had changed when I met Connor?”

She noticed my unease and gave me a warm smile. “Well I wouldn’t say you changed per se, but I think you just got a little bit more serious. That’s totally normal and a part of growing up, Liv. You were happy and in love with Connor, and you two fell in love during those late nights at the office. It makes total sense you’d become even more serious about your job and devoted to the company when it’s so important to the man you love.”