August 31, 1996

Dear Ethan,

I just said goodbye to you a few minutes ago. I had so much fun today at the state fair. I’m still so full from the hot dogs you challenged me to eat. I just couldn’t finish the third one. My stomach would have burst! I can’t believe you ate 6! Sandy says that you’ll get fat if you eat like that. But I think she’s lying because she’s your sister and you said sisters are mean sometimes. But don’t worry. Even if you get fat, it’ll be okay. I’ll still be your best friend and let you eat all the hot dogs you want.

Oh and you were right, opening my eyes during the roller coaster ride made it less scary. You’re so smart. Are you proud of me? I kept my eyes open the entire time and I didn’t feel scared at all. But I knew you were there next to me to protect me, so that helped.

It’s so hot tonight! The air conditioning broke down in our house when I got home tonight. They had another fight, and I heard my dad slam the door and drive off. I hope he will be okay. Last time he drove off late at night, he came back really late and parked the car on the lawn. My mom was mad about that. I hope he doesn’t do that this time.

Okay, it’s almost time for bed. I will see you tomorrow. :)

Love,

Liv

“So he was in that roller coaster flashback…he was the one that told me to open my eyes.” I felt my chest full of emotion as I continued reading. The more I read, the more I realized how much of an impact Ethan had to my childhood.

Then another memory made me smile because I remembered it from a flashback I had.

July 28, 1997

Dear Ethan

Thank you for making today a good day. I was so scared and sad when my dad came home drunk again. My arm still hurts from when he grabbed me when they were fighting. Thank you for being there for me and taking me to your special place in the meadow. It was so pretty there. I could lie under those stars holding your hand forever.

And guess what???

I had my first kiss tonight! Can you believe it?

Well, of course you can, you were there. :) (You always told me you liked how silly I was, so there you go.)

So I’m grinning right now just thinking of the way you kissed me. You were holding my hands, and you asked me to be your girlfriend. :)

I was so happy.

Okay, it’s time for bed. Good night, Ethan. Sweet dreams (about me, of course). :)

Love,

Liv

With my heart full of warmth and my eyes full of tears, I continued reading. It wasn’t long before I reached the last entry in the journal. I felt a sense of sadness that it was the last entry I was going to read.

November 2, 1997

Dear Ethan,

Do you remember this journal? You gave me it to me on my 10th birthday. It was the best gift I've ever gotten in my life. I’ve written in it almost every day for the last two years.

I’m so so so sad that I'm moving today. I wish my mom and dad weren't getting a divorce. I wish I didn't have to leave you. What if today might be the last time I’ll see you. That makes me so sad. It scares me too. Why is life so unfair? Will you miss me?

Ethan, you’ve been my very best friend since I moved in next door when I was three. You were always there for me, protecting me when I was scared, making me laugh when I was sad, and being there with me when I was lonely. That’s why the entries are all addressed to you, because I feel the most comfortable telling you all my secrets.

Now that I’m moving, I want to give this journal back to you because I want you to read it. I’ve filled these pages with all my deepest thoughts, and I want you to keep it with you so you can always remember me. Did you know that every entry talks about you because you have been a part of every happy moment of my life since we met?

I will miss you so much. Best friends forever and ever. Please don't forget about me. I promise I won't forget you. Cross my heart.

Xoxo,

Liv

Tears poured down my face when I finished reading everything. “He was my childhood best friend,” I whispered. “This is why he always felt familiar. This is why I always felt a connection with him.”

“Liv? Are you okay?” Anna popped her head in the living room. She had left me alone to read through the note and journal.

I nodded and wiped some tears from my cheeks. I told Anna about the card and journal.

“That’s crazy.” Anna shook her head in amazement. “You’ve mentioned a childhood love you had before but you never told me a name.”

“I have?” I looked at her in surprise. “What did I say?”

She tried to think back. “Well this was before you met Connor and we had just started hanging out regularly. We were talking about relationships and you said that you’ve been in love a few times, but that nothing compared to your first love when you were eleven or twelve. You told me that you and your mom had to move away and stay with her parents in New Jersey.”

“I was talking about Ethan,” I responded with a smile on my face.

Then Anna’s eye lit up and she looked at me. “I remember something else.”

“What?”

“You told me that you moved to Philly for this first love.”

“What?” I was shocked by what she was telling me.

“Yeah. You said that you guys somehow lost contact with each other after you moved. You’d always think about him from time to time and when your mom passed away, you had thought about him a lot. So you’d called around and after some searching, someone told you that he had moved to Philly a few years ago. So you packed up and moved here, hoping you’d somehow find him.”

“Did I try?”

She nodded. “I think you did but you couldn’t find him.”

“I wish I could remember all this.”

She smiled sympathetically. Then she spotted the DVD again. “Have you watched it?”

I shook my head.

I watched her take the DVD out of the case and inserted it into the DVD player. She turned on the TV and handed me the remote.

“Do you want to watch this alone?”

I smiled, grateful for her thoughtfulness. “No, watch it with me. I’m so confused and torn with my emotions right now, I’ll probably need your advice.”

She beamed at me and threw her arm around my shoulder. “What are best friends for?”

I looked at the remote and pressed the Play button. The screen turned blue and then a second later, Ethan’s face appeared on the screen. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and I was overcome with the desire to throw my arms around him.

He smiled at the camera and I felt my heartbreak. I could still see the scabbed-over scar where the gash had been on his forehead from when Connor attacked him.

“Hi Liv.” He paused as he looked straight at the camera. I saw the nervousness in his movement as he bit his bottom lip and let out a controlled sigh and a flush of red appeared on his face. I’d never seen Ethan act in this way before, and the anticipation of what he was going to say caused my stomach to flip and tighten as I waited for him to continue.

“Surprise. By now, you’ve probably read my card and your journal entries, and you might be in shock. I’m sorry I had to tell you like this. I really wanted to tell you in person. Liv, we’ve known each other for over twenty five years, and for the first nine of those years, we were best friends. We had lost touch when you moved away with your mom. I thought about you over the years, but never was able to find out where you went. And then, a few months ago, I saw you walking out of a coffee shop in Rittenhouse Square. I thought that I might be crazy and seeing things. The last time I saw you, you were only twelve. But then I saw a man—Conner—get out of a car to hug you, and I heard him call your name. That was when I knew it was you.”