Thank God for that. I don’t think I could go on every day without knowing that those men wouldn’t be passing me on the street one day, ready to capture me, hurt me or kill me. Even though I saw Paine drop from the shot, I can still feel him and every time I do, I need a shower to scrub off his hands.

But, even with them gone, I can’t help but jump at the noises, the bangs on the doors and even when my damn phone rings. It’s not only what happened to me. All that Paine really did to me was touch my body on the outside and terrorize me with words about killing G.T. I hear those words replay in my dreams and wake up in cold sweats. Nothing can happen to G.T. ever. And I will probably never get over the Paine-Jace connection. But that’s not what really gets me.

It’s what I witnessed him doing with Shaina that I can’t ever seem to shake. It’s replaying in my head when I’m awake, when I’m asleep, and every moment of the day. Her screams, sobs and pleas roll over and over in my head. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t do a damn thing to save her. I just had to listen and watch when Paine ordered me too or he’d shoot both of us on the spot. I had to buy time and hope we were found alive.

I want to talk to Shaina, but G.T. doesn’t think it will be good for me. I can’t blame him. I know I’ve been just going through the motions of life. I tell him I have to do my school work, but I don’t care about it. All I really want is to lie in bed and have G.T. hold me. And I also know I won’t get away with it for much longer.

Princess for one is about at her wit’s end with me and that’s one end no one wants to be at. It’s only a matter of time before she blows and takes me for a ride. G.T. doesn’t know what to do with me; hell I don’t know what to do with me. But he’s been so understanding and loving that it kills me when I break in front of him. The look in his eyes, he’s lost and I can’t find him right now. I need to find me.

I jump when there’s a knock on the door, but blow out a deep breath. “Who is it?” I ask cautiously.

“It’s me, Casey. Or is it Angel now?” The corner of my mouth turns up slightly at the sound of Doc calling me Angel. I slowly unlock the door and turn the handle. “Hey. You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah. Come on in.” I move away from the door and shut it when he enters. My heart pounds inside my chest so rapidly I fear it may burst. My hands sweat and I wipe them down my jeans. Doc turns and holds out his hands.

“What can I do for you?” I stare at the man not knowing where to start. I’ve never asked someone for help like this and I find it difficult to put the words together. I’m not sure what I need, but I hope that Doc does. He eyes me and quirks his eyebrow. “Angel, I know you’ve had a rough road. Is that what this is about?”

I nod my head and look at the floor. I breathe in and out trying to slow my heart down. My words come out in a rush. “I-don’t-know-what-to-do-Doc-I-can’t-sleep-for-shit-I-thought-I-was-totally-over-Mia-but-with-everything-that-happened-with-Jace-and-Paine-she-keeps-creeping-in-my-thoughts-I-worry-about-Shaina-and-I-can’t-take-it-anymore.” I stop, but don’t look up at Doc, don’t want to see whatever look he’s got, pity, condemnation… Who knows?

“Angel.” His voice is calm, but I still avoid him. “Casey.” His voice is more firm and authoritative this time and my eyes cast up. He smiles. “Sweetheart. This is normal. You’ve had a hell of a rough go. The first step to getting better is to ask for help. The fact that you picked up your phone and called me, tells me that you want to get better. Your mind is in a place that it needs to find peace.”

I don’t bother stopping the tears as they fall when he speaks. “Now, we need to get you in with a therapist.” I looked at him in shock. There is no way I’m telling a stranger my stuff. I can’t even tell G.T. everything, let alone some person I’ve never met. “I can see that you don’t like the idea, but do you want to get better?”

I do. I really do. I don’t want to live like I have the last few days or even worse sink down to where I was when I lost Mia. The doctors at the hospital said I should talk to someone and I wish I would have taken their advice, but at the time, I was in denial. “Yes.”

“Then we get you the help you need. Do you feel more comfortable talking to a woman or a man?” I pondered his question for only a moment.

“Woman.”

“Alright a colleague of mine would be perfect, Dr. Anderson, and I think you two will get along well. I’m gonna give her a call and set up an appointment for you. Alright?”

I nod. “Thanks Doc.”

“Anytime.” He walks in front of me and stands close. “Look at me, Casey.” My eyes slowly cast up a smirk playing on his mouth. “You did good. I’m proud of you.” He reaches around, wrapping his arms around my body. I reciprocate and for a moment just relax into his arms.

The door swings open, I jump, gasp and pull quickly out of Docs embrace.

“What the fuck is going on here?” G.T. roars and our eyes meet.

“Stop. It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Really, Angel. What am I thinking right now?” He glares at Doc. “Get out!” He yells and then turns to me. Doc doesn’t move.

I walk to G.T. and place my hand on his chest. “Calm down. I need Doc to help me.” I breathe deep. “With everything going on, I can’t figure out how to do this. I asked him to help me.”

“You called him and you couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m sorry. I should have. But G.T. it was really hard picking up the phone and calling him in the first place, so can we please not fight about this?” He sighs and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his body. He kisses the top of my head and I melt into him.

Doc clears his throat. “I’ll be in contact soon with your information.” I try to pull out of G.T.’s grasp, but he’s not having it.

“Thank you.” My words muffled by G.T.’s shirt. He nods and walks towards the door.

“Sorry, man. Don’t like you having your hands on my girl.” G.T. says, pressing his chin to the top of my head.

“Take care of her, G.T.” He says, closing the door behind him.

“Talk to me.” His voice is firm, but very much laced with concern.

So many thoughts wrestle in my head, but I just speak from the heart. It’s time it comes out. “I feel like I did when I lost Mia. Lost. Broken. I go through the motions of the day, but it’s not like it should be. I need to figure this out before it gets worse. And it will get worse. I’ve been there. I can’t go back there. And I need to talk to Shaina.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Yes.” No, not really, but it’s a step.

“You gonna tell me what happened?” He asks pulling me to the bed as I curl up in his lap. I don’t want to tell him what I saw, but I need to. Need to tell someone. I pull his shirt and get as close to him as I can.

“He…” my voice choked out. “…touched me.” His body tenses. “Not what you’re thinking. He ran his hands over my body and said things that echo in my head. Mainly the threats about killing you and letting me watch.” I breathe G.T.’s scent in deep, feeling a small bit of comfort. “But… It’s not me that I can’t stop thinking about. It’s Shaina.” His hand rubs up and down my back soothing me. “He took from her what she was not willing to give. Her screams echo in my dreams. When I close my eyes, I hear her pleas for him to stop and for someone to help her. For me to help her. And I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was so damn helpless.” Tears fall and I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. “I need to tell her that I’m sorry. I need her to understand that I would have helped her no matter what, if I could have. I need her…” Sobs break through and I cling to his shirt. G.T. absently starts rocking me like I’m a child, the motion is a welcome distraction.

“I just need to talk to her, please.” I plead with him.

“Alright Angel. I’ll set it all up. She’s staying here right now. Pops wanted all of us to stay close after what happened.”