These damn anxiety attacks hadn’t gotten any better. The medicine, the therapy, nothing helped. The damnedest things set them off, and there really was no rhyme or reason to them.

After a couple minutes, I was finally able to catch my breath, and I pulled myself up. “Shit!” I jumped.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya ... again,” Gunner’s voice powered through the fog.

“I didn’t even hear you come up,” I said, clutching my chest.

“I didn’t want to bother you. Looked like you needed a minute.”

“Thanks. I’m good now. You can go back in.” I couldn’t be around him anymore. His smell was just too damn much.

“I just wanna make sure you get in the cab okay. Then I’ll leave ya alone.” Hearing the sincerity in his voice made me wish I could get the hell over Deke, but I needed time.

“Thanks. Sorry about in there.”

“No big deal. I thought you were feeling it, and I wanted to kiss those beautiful lips.” He smirked.

Clearing my throat, I knew I had to let this one go. “Look Gunner, you’re hot, and you definitely turn me on, but I’m not looking for that right now.”

“It’s the guy I smell like, huh?” His eyes focused on the parking lot, appearing to be in deep thought.

“I shouldn’t have told you that. I just could have sworn you were him when you brushed up against me. It’s not right to compare.”

“It’s fine. I was just looking for a good time.” His drawl seemed to get a bit deeper.

“Sorry, but that’s not me. I’ll dance, but anything else isn’t going to happen.”

“Well, whoever it is that smells like me needs to get his head out of his ass and not let you go.”

Turning, I smiled. “Thanks for that, but it was over before it even started. It was my own fault. Not that I really had a choice.” I focused on my feet. I didn’t know this guy, and here I was telling him shit about me that he didn’t need to know.

“We all have choices, Vann. Some are made for us and others are our own. If it’s something you really want, don’t give up.”

“Funny. For five years I held onto my hope, but in one night it was crushed. I’m a big girl, though. I’ll be fine.”

“You waited five years for this asshole?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah. See, I had to leave town, not by choice, mind you, but it messed everything up. It’s my fault, but having to choose family over everything else is what had to happen.”

“Do you regret your choice?” Gunner’s tone sounded like he was a million miles away and not standing right next to me.

“Ahhh … tricky question. Yes and no. Yes, because of what I lost and what could have been. Not saying it would have been anything; we were both young.” Walking over to the bench seat, Gunner followed and sat next to me. “It’s hard to miss someone so much and everyday feel like a part of you is breaking and dying off.” After no response from him, I continued, “No, because I needed to grow up. I needed to learn how to handle my family and make something of myself.”

“And you figured it would all work out if you saw him again?”

Crossing my legs, I turned toward him. “Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. I’d been waiting so long to see him face-to-face that I had all these scenarios in my head of how it would play out, but nothing like what happened.”

“Maybe he was just as shocked as you were.” Gunner’s voice was a low whisper, and I could barely make out the words.

“Maybe, but he said goodbye, something I didn’t let him do before, and I could see in his eyes that he meant it.” Turning back toward the lot, I added, “I just didn’t expect it to suck so badly.”

“Well, he’s an ass for letting you walk away.”

“Thanks, but it’s a two way street, and it wasn’t meant to be. I’ll be fine. I’m really sorry about tonight. You’re a really nice guy, but it’s just too weird.” I turned to look at him. “You know, if you cut and lightened your hair, shaved off your goatee, and had blue eyes, I swear you could be his twin. I thought at first I was imagining it, but sitting this close, I can really see it.”

“Well, if I were him, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let you walk away.”

Giving him a half smile, I stood up. I need to get the hell out of here. “Thanks for tonight and listening to me ramble. I’m sure you will find someone inside with a lot less baggage.”

Gunner rose and stood next to me. Inhaling his cologne, I wanted to melt. Surprisingly, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and returned it, closing my eyes and enjoying the comfort.

“Wait,” Gunner’s deep voice had me turning my head up to look in his eyes, our faces close.

“What?” I asked.

“Why didn’t you come home sooner?” I thought it was an odd question from him, but then again, it was one I didn’t want to answer so I shrugged. “Come on, Vann, why? It seems odd that you waited.”

I closed my eyes and pulled out of his arms. I needed some air. Sitting back down, I crossed my legs. “Stupidity.”

“What?” Gunner moved to sit next to me.

Blowing out a long breath, I said, “In my messed up, teenage brain, I believed my mom. She told me repeatedly that he had moved on, and after the millionth time of hearing it, I believed her. I mean, what would someone like him want with a bookworm like me?” I waved my arm up my body. “He was popular and had every girl falling at his feet. Me, though? I was a wallflower. I knew I wasn’t in the same league as him.”

“What changed your mind then?” Gunner’s hand touched my thigh, but I didn’t pull away.

“Me. I changed.” We sat in silence for a moment. “After I went to college and got away from my mom, I finally realized that I’m not the shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe. I’m worthy of wanting what I want. I guess you could say I gained some confidence.” I smiled over at him.

“Glad to hear it, because you are a beautiful woman.”

“Thanks.” I blushed.

Hearing the sound of a car pulling up, I glanced over to see the cab I asked the bouncer to grab me was parked and ready. “Sorry to cut this short, but I have to go. Thank you for tonight.”

“It was fun. Thank you.”

“For what? I used you like a therapy session. What a great night for you,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Stop. It was great. It was nice to have a conversation that wasn’t hyped up on getting someone in bed.”

“Thanks, I think.” I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

“Vann, just remember that, in life, lots of things aren’t what they seem. Sometimes it takes blind coincidence to pull in your favor. Sometimes it’s pure luck. Other times, it is persistence. Think about what you really want. You never know, this guy could be hiding and not ready to be found quite yet. It could be him and not you.”

As Gunner’s words began to sink in, I was mesmerized by his straightforwardness and willingness to give advice.

“Thanks.” Walking up to him, I threw my arms around him one final time. His strong arms pulled me into a tight hug. “Thank you for everything,” I whispered in his ear.

“It was nice to meet you, Vann. I’ll see you around.” Letting me go, he opened the cab door as I climbed in.

“Same here.”

Shutting the door, the cab took off. I couldn’t help but turn around to the man still standing there. If only it was a different time in my life, maybe it could have worked.

Deke

Fuck. I felt like I just experienced some out of body shit. Vann had no clue who I was, but she was damn smart. The comment about getting rid of my hair and changing a few things struck me. I should have known that if anyone would be able to tell, it would be Vann.

Luckily, alcohol played a role in keeping her thoughts away from the realization. But that fucking conversation. I wanted to know why she left. I’d wanted to know for five years, but couldn’t bring myself to talk to her. Anger was something that just ate at your insides, and I was too damn stubborn to let it go.