She rubbed at the ache at the back of her neck that was spreading up over her scalp and turning into a headache. This intake process was so screwed up. She’d barely gotten into the process diagnosis phase and was finding all kinds of pathologies in the existing processes. This was going to have huge impact on her project. In fact, this could be a whole project on its own.

But that wasn’t what she’d been told to do. She sighed then reached for her phone when it rang.

“It’s me,” Riley said. “I just heard from Kiara.”

The thickness of her voice told Shelby this wasn’t good. Her stomach immediately clenched so hard it hurt.

“He’s gone,” Riley continued, almost choking on her words. “Adam’s gone.”

“Oh no.” The world slowed to a stop around Shelby, sitting there in her cubicle, everything fading away around her. “Oh no.” Her eyes stung, her throat ached and she pressed a hand to her trembling lips.

“Yeah. This sucks so bad.”

Shelby didn’t even know what to say. “Where is she?”

“At home. He died a few hours ago.”

“Was she with him?”

“Yes.” They both sniffled together and Shelby fought not to burst into tears.

“Is she okay?”

“Oh god, you know Kiara. She sounded all together, but Christ, she must be hurting.”

“I’m going over. Are you coming?”

“Of course. I’m calling Myra next.”

Shelby tried to swallow, her throat painful. She hung up the phone, stared around her cubicle in a daze, not even sure what to do first. She couldn’t just get up and walk out. She stood, put on her suit jacket. Her head whirled and she lifted a hand to her eyes. Her purse. She needed her purse.

It was in her bottom drawer as usual, but it took her a moment to figure that out in her confusion. Then she walked to Andrew’s office. He was out for lunch.

She turned to Susan. “Could you tell Andrew I had to leave?” she asked. Susan’s eyes widened with concern.

“Are you okay, Shelby?”

“I’m okay. My friend just…died. I have to go.”

“Of course. Go! I’ll tell Andrew.”

“Tell him I’ll call him. Later. Or something.”

Susan nodded vigorously and made a shooing motion with her hands.

Shelby wasn’t even sure how she got to Kiara’s house, the big ranch-style home she’d shared with Adam since their marriage. A big house for a woman all alone, now. Except she wouldn’t be alone for long. Her baby was due in less than three months.

Shelby parked on the street and had to stop and put her head on her arms on the steering wheel and cry. She knew she had to get that out of her before she went in to face Kiara. Painful, bitter emotion rose up inside her, and she cried and cried as she thought of the baby who would never know his or her father, and how unfair, how fucking, fucking unfair it was.

Then, sniffling, she rummaged in the glove box for something to blow her nose and sat there for another moment while she pulled herself together.

When she opened her car door and stepped out, Myra was just pulling up to the curb, so she waited for her. She watched her friend approach. Myra might seem tough, but her eyes were red and her mouth wobbled when she tried to smile. They hugged tightly there on the street before going in to see their friend.

Riley was already there, and so were Kiara’s parents and Adam’s parents and his brothers. The house seemed full of people. Did Kiara really need her friends there?

“Kiara.” Shelby took her in her arms and held her for a long, long time, rocking her friend a little, the tears starting again. “Oh, Kiara.”

“Thank you for coming,” Kiara whispered. “Come with me.” She dragged Shelby down the hall to her bedroom, motioning to Riley and Myra to come too. Once inside, she closed the door then sat on the bed, her hands going to her rounded tummy. “They’re driving me crazy,” she said.

“Who is?”

“Adam’s parents. They knew this was coming. Why are they acting like they’re all in shock about it?”

Shelby met Riley’s worried eyes. “Maybe they were in denial,” she suggested. “Maybe they still thought he would get better.”

“Maybe.” Kiara shook her head, took a deep breath. “I know you guys understand me. They think I’m all cold and unfeeling. They think I should be a puddle of grief on the floor.”

“I know you’re grieving,” Riley said. “We all know it. Of course you are.”

Kiara bowed her head. “I have to hold it together. I’m afraid…” She looked up with shiny eyes. “I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll fall to pieces and never get back together.”

Shelby’s heart contracted and she squeezed Kiara’s hand.

“I have a baby to think of,” Kiara continued, patting her belly. “I have to look after the baby.”

“Yes, you do,” Myra murmured. “But it’s okay to give in to it, Kiara.”

“I will. Some time. Just not now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…I guess.”

“Were you with him?”

“Yes.” She told them about Adam’s last hours, the things they’d talked about, bringing another painful lump to Shelby’s throat, but she let her friend talk. And she listened. Because that was really all she could do.

“Last night…” Kiara stopped, suddenly choked up. Her lips pressed together and she blinked. “Last night he said…”

“What, honey?” Riley probed gently, her arm around Kiara’s shoulders.

“He said…he was afraid.” Her voice fractured on a sob.

Shelby met Riley’s eyes, a fist squeezing her throat.

“He said he was afraid to go without me,” Kiara said, and then a harsh sob tore from her throat and tears poured down her face. “He’s been so brave about this, all along, through everything. I didn’t know he was afraid.” And she cried in heart-wrenching gusts of tears. All three of them converged around her, Shelby taking one hand, Myra the other, Riley still hugging her, trying to offer comfort though Shelby felt helpless and inadequate, her heart squeezing painfully.

“And I didn’t tell him…” Kiara looked up at them with drenched eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “I didn’t tell him—I’m afraid too!” She sniffled and swiped hands over her cheeks. “And…and I’m mad at him! He left me. He really left me.” She gave another small sob. “How stupid is that?”

They looked at each other helplessly.

“What am I going to do without him?”

There was no answer to that question.

“We’re here for you, hon,” Shelby choked out, a sick churning feeling in her stomach, her throat hurting so bad, and then tears started pouring out of her eyes too. “Whatever you need. I know nothing we can do can really help, but we’re here.”

“Just you being here helps.” They sat in sniffling silence for a few moments, then Kiara wiped her face with tissues Myra plucked from a box on the dresser and straightened her shoulders. “Oh god. I was so mad at them for not holding it together and then I lose it. I’m sorry.”

“Jesus,” Myra croaked. “You don’t have to apologize, hon.”

“I guess I’d better go back out there.”

The other three mopped themselves up too, all of them having succumbed to their powerful emotions, then followed Kiara back to the living room where Adam’s mother sobbed on the couch. Shelby wasn’t sure if she could do this, but clearly she needed to step up and help her friend, so she went over to Adam’s mother and father. Myra took care of the brothers and Riley went into the kitchen, emerging a while later with platters of sandwiches, which nobody really wanted, but it gave her something to do to make them, and it gave them something to do to eat them.

“The funeral is planned,” Shelby heard Kiara telling her own parents. “Adam helped me do that. I have to contact the funeral home, but there won’t be much to do.”

“When will you have it?” Kiara’s mom asked.

Kiara bit her lip. “I think Monday.”

“That sounds fine.”

The afternoon passed in a blur. Adam’s family left and Kiara’s mother said, “Kiara, come home with us tonight.”